(Closed) Husband wants to conceive ASAP but is against charting?

posted 8 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Husband thinks charting will become an obsession and wants to stick to opks. What would you do?
    Chart secretly anyway. It can't hurt. (if this is your advice, how do I temp without him knowing?) : (15 votes)
    10 %
    Give him a thorough lesson in what charting achieves, maybe he just doesn't understand. : (51 votes)
    33 %
    TTC with just the OPKs, you haven't even tried yet to know if your cycle is weird. : (74 votes)
    48 %
    Avoid Charting! It is an unhealthy obsession! : (13 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    5872 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018

    @Mrs.Metalm:  I totally had an answer for you a while ago and changed pages and got lost lol! Anyways, BD every other day after your period stops and use the OPKs you have and once you start getting a dark test line, try to BD everyday for about 3-4 days. That should be good. If you don’t get a BFP within a few months, explain to DH of the effectiveness of charting (hard core charter here). He might then change his mind. Give it a try since you are in no big rush. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @MrsPanda99:  +1

    OP, your body, your decision. If you want to try charting, then do it. Don’t hide it, just do it. he’s your partner, not your parent – he cannot order you to do or not do something.

    Honestly, your DH did not come off well in your post – you wrote, “He says I research the life out of things and never actually follow through, so what’s the point?” That’s kind of a mean thing to say and not supportive. If my DH said something so negative to me, I’d be pretty pissed off.

    It sounds like you’re not angry, so kudos to you for being more level-headed than I am. But I do think that, if you want to chart, you should do it. I charted for over a year before we even started TTC, just to help me understand my body, and it has been excellent for me in that respect. It’s not just about TTC; it’s also about becoming familiar with how your own body works.

    And no, I don’t think you should try to keep it a secret. #1, I don’t think having to keep things secret in a marriage is a good thing, and #2, it’s difficult to chart in secret because of the temping.

    Post # 19
    Member
    5708 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @MrsPanda99:  +1

    By the way, he does realise that an OPK doesn’t mean you are going to ovulate right? Anyway, I think its crucial to understand your body, ovulation, fertile days, etc. Perhaps meet in the middle–after a few months if it isn’t working, then go ahead with the charting.

    Post # 20
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2005

    @Mrs.Metalm:  I find that in general a lot about the female body is a mystery to men. All the parts that go into ovulating and conceiving can be tricky and hard to understand.

    I also love to research and I find that it brings me a lot of comfort. I’m sure you feel the same way. 

    Maybe, you should just explain to him that you are just trying to understand your own body and reproduction better. I would just tell him that you realize that getting pregnant, being pregnant, and delivering a child means a ton of changes will be happening to your body and the more you know now the better off you’ll be! 

    Post # 21
    Member
    3263 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    While I understand those that say “your body, your decision” I also understand where he’s coming from. Charting can make baby making a chore. Not fun. Stressful. You don’t want it to go there if you don’t have to. Try it the natural way, stress free and fun. If it doesn’t work after 3 or 4 cycles, maybe he’ll realize that it will be of value.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2315 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I loved charting, so I do support wanting to chart from the get-go. However, that said, I’m never a fan of hiding things from a spouse, nor do I think you would be able to do that successfully. 

    Talk to him about it, explain that it takes very little intervention (just temping once a day) and is likely cheaper than OPKs! However, if that doesn’t sway him, see if you can gain agreement that you’ll try for x amount of time before you then start to chart. 

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @jny1179:  charting isn’t stressful for everyone. It is for some, but for others, it’s empowering. It sounds like it is something that is stressful for you. But for me, it’s not, and there are lots of us out there that find it helpful and comforting.

    I also think that you don’t have to talk about your charting with your DH, if he feels it adds stress. I never talk about it with my DH, except to say something along the lines of letting him know that AF is on the way (I like to think of it as last call for sex, lol).

    So I guess I don’t understand how charting = babymaking is now a chore. It doesn’t have to be that way.

    Post # 24
    Member
    2567 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    @MrsBaldEagle:  +1

    View original reply
    @Mrs.Metalm:  If you delay charting, just know that it can take a couple months to have enough data to even be helpful.  I wish I had started charting sooner.

    Post # 25
    Member
    3457 posts
    Sugar bee

    @MrsPanda99:  +1.

    I used to chart even though I wasn’t TTC just to understand what was going on with my body. It only takes one minute. If you don’t get up at the same time, your husband probably wouldn’t even notice.

    Post # 26
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I agree with PP – I definitely don’t recommend charting “secretly” without him knowing. I also agree with  @IAmTheShadow: in that charting was never a chore for me and helped me to learn a lot about my body that I wouldn’t have otherwise known. It didn’t dictate when we BD’d or anything it was just useful information.  However, I’m not sure what to advise you on, as it seems that you are okay with the idea that it might not happen right away and it seems to me that you considering charting mostly to satisfy his desire to have a baby ASAP. I know you said there’s a history of a variety of fertility related issues in your family, so maybe a first step is to schedule a pre-conception appt with your OBGYN if that’s an option. I did this with my husband and it wasn’t invasive or anything, I had some bloodwork done, and by GYN just spoke to us about what to expect, advice around pre-natals, etc.  Just a thought.  Good luck OP!

    Post # 27
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I’m in the “it’s your body”camp. I charted to TTA and will for TTC . if you want to know what your body is doing that’s not his business. OPKs tell you when your body is getting ready to ovulate, but the only way to know if you did is with temping or a positive pregnancy test lol.i say explain charting to him, tell him it’s important to you, and then promise to not tell him anything about it aftert that. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    2804 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Your husband knows you better than we do and if he thinks this might be a slippery slope into obsession, then perhaps you should listen to him? Often we can want to do something so badly that we ignore the problems it might cause us.

    Just leave it for now and see what happens over the next few months.

    Post # 29
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If you’re the one who’s not in a hurry, just have a bunch of sex and see what happens!  If you don’t get knocked up, talk to him about increasing your chances by having a better idea of what’s going on with your body (like… charting). 

    Post # 30
    Member
    2797 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Mrs.Metalm:  According to this article by Emily Oster, OPKs are more accurate than charting. Really though, it is up to you. I sneakily used an OPKs, because my husband was turned off by the idea. We still had lots of sex in my fertile window, but I was extra in the mood when I started to get the second line, haha. I came clean after we conceived and he didn’t mind that I’d kept him in the dark!

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/expecting_better/2013/09/04/ovulation_tracking_to_get_pregnant_should_you_chart_your_temperature_check.html

    Post # 31
    Hostess
    7941 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @Mrs.Metalm:  I used to think that the idea of charting was complicated and over the top. That was until I took a deep look into the reality of concieving and just how complicated it really is. Some people try for a year or years because the timing has to be absolutely perfect. It doesn’t sound like a long timeline is an option for your DH so I am not quite sure why he would be against employing every available opportunity to help you out.

    That being said charting is not complicated or fussy. You merely roll over in the morning, take your temperature (takes a whole 30 seconds MAX) and then type the little number into the free app on your ipad/iphone/droid/computer. Since you are already okay with using the OPK’s you merely enter a + or – with that option and you are done. That’s it. That is all you need to do. Sure you CAN get more complicated than that but you don’t have to.The program does all the work. W

    I would keep in mind that with your OPK results and temperatures it can confirm when you have O’d. With OPK’s it merely detects your LH surge but some women have mutliple surges and even with the surge you may ovulate within 12-48 hours after. It is a guessing game really with just OPK’s.

    DH and I charted from the get go and it took us two months to concieve. The first month was me figuring this stuff out and the second month I knew what and when and we could BD accordingly. It wasn’t stressful, wasn’t a chore but rather quite exciting and very interesting knowing more about my body.

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