(Closed) Husband wants to conceive ASAP but is against charting?

posted 7 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Husband thinks charting will become an obsession and wants to stick to opks. What would you do?

    Chart secretly anyway. It can't hurt. (if this is your advice, how do I temp without him knowing?)

    Give him a thorough lesson in what charting achieves, maybe he just doesn't understand.

    TTC with just the OPKs, you haven't even tried yet to know if your cycle is weird.

    Avoid Charting! It is an unhealthy obsession!

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I used the sperm meets egg plan and that really worked for us. It might work as a compromise and you can use the OPKs you bought.

    http://spermmeetseggplan.com/

    Post # 33
    Member
    2861 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    He wants a baby ASAP but doesn’t want you to follow a plan to help that happen? Makes no sense. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    678 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Hmmm when I tried charting for a few months (not TTC, but just curious!) I had a difficult time getting positive OPKs. It was really frustrating. But with the temping, everything was as clear as day. My CM also seemed to be a good indicator for me that takes very little effort to track.

    In my experience, I think it would be hard to temp in secret- you aren’t even supposed to get up or move around too much or it might throw off the temperature (remember, these are fractions of a degree you’re looking at!). I used to have to turn on the bedside fan so that Fiance wouldn’t hear the beeping of the darn thermometer 🙂

    Post # 35
    Member
    1153 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I liked charting & started doing it a couple of months before we TTC so I could get an idea on whether or not I was ovulating. I used OPK’s as well. I have friends who got their BFP their furst cycle just using OPK’s. I don’t think it’s fair for DH to say he wants a baby yesterday but then tell you not to chart. Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? I read it before we TTC & would share the “informative” parts to DH. If temping is important to you then I think the two of you should have a more open conversation about the process, if you feel like you could take or leave it then just go with the OPK’s and keep an eye on your CM as its also a good indicator of where you are in your cycle. good luck & don’t forget to have fun!

    Post # 36
    Member
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I clicked “chart secretly” but what I meant was “chart anyway”. It’s not his business and he can hardly forbid you, but there’s no need to hide the fact that you’re doing it.

    I like

    View original reply
    @March1stBride  ‘s answer. Some of us LIKE to analyse, even over-analyse. It can give a sense of security and excitement. Do it, because it’s what you want to do.

    Post # 37
    Member
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Why not simply try first? Billions of babies have been conceived without charting. If after a few months there is no pregnancy, I bet your husband may be more receptive to charting.

    Post # 38
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I charted from the beginning and it annoyed my DH. He just thought it was too controlling and obsessive.  I just wanted to know if and when I was ovulating.  If I had to do it over again, I would have just used OPK’s in the beginning.  As PP have said, if you don’t get PG in 3, 4, 5 months, your DH might be more receptive to charting.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2083 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Definitely just try the more relaxed way first! It makes the whole experience way more fun, I promise. Once you dive into the craziness of charting it can honestly start to feel like a chore, so I totally understand where your husband is coming from with being hesitant about it. We got pregnant only when I stopped obsessing over when it would happen, so after this baby comes whenever we decide to have another I really don’t want to go back to the tracking if I can help it. If it isn’t working after 4 months or so maybe he’ll warm up to the idea of it, but don’t do it behind his back – you’ll want to completely be on the same page as him with ttc because you want the whole experience to bring you closer together and not put you on different ends up the spectrum. Good luck!! 

    Post # 40
    Hostess
    8146 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I voted to give him a lesson in charting, but now I think you should chart your cervical fluids and cervix position and use the OPKs and maybe see if you get lucky first month. (Actually is this your first month?) I’m surprise dyour husband would not want you to do something that helps.. Anyway I vote OPKs and charting fluids and CP for a month or two and see if you can get a handle on your cycles. Charting also tells you if you could be pregnant and whn to expect AF!

    ETA: I love charting and I never found it crazy, a burden or a chore. 🙂 In fact, it calmed me down when AF was late or if I thought I wasn’t ovulating!

    Post # 41
    Member
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I started using OPKs and charting CM from the very get-go. My husband was pretty down on it the first few months – he also assumed things would just work. From months 3 – 6, he started getting a little concerned about how long it was taking and was a little more lukewarm about it. Now, 9 months in and adding BBTs in as well, he’s completely on board. I cannot IMAGINE how much longer it might take if we hadn’t been doing all of this stuff – though, obviously, it hasn’t helped us either. I don’t know of a single other asymptomatic couple our age who has been trying this long.

    More power to all those people who get BFPs firsthand, but our experience has enlightened him and enlightened me. If I ever attempt a subsequent pregnancy…if I even get pregnant with a first…I will definitely be temping, using OPKs, etc., from the very start. And never using hormonal birth control again. 

    After a few months, he might just start to realize that firsthand himself.

    Post # 42
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    When we were first trying I bought a BBT thermometer and had a really rough time with it. for the most part it freaked me out when I would see my temps jump all over the place and I ended up getting really stressed out. My husband got to the point where he told me he was going to throw the thermometer out the window because he didn’t want me stressing out over this. It was supposed to be fun and relaxed. We ended up not conceiving that month because I had no idea when I was ovulating and I think the extra stress didn’t help. I also was bad at taking my temps at the same time every morning. 

    The next month I bought a 50 pack of the Wondfo OPK strips off Amazon and just tested every single afternoon. Turns out I ovulate on day 25 of my cycle, which is so far from the average of day 13 no wonder I was stressed out. I also watched for keys that helped me figure out when I think I would get a positive OPK (CM and cramping). Worked like a charm. We got pregnant that cycle. 

    My my advice is don’t stress the first month. Try the OPK and see what happens.  I get that you’re taking a chance thinking the OPK = ovulation, but it’s something you can do that your husband doesn’t have to see/hear you do. If it doesn’t work for you it also gives you time for your husband to see how it might not be so easy to conceive.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1782 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Even if you decide not to chart – Make sure you keep track of your menstrual cycles!! This is a must – because lets say you TTC for upwards of a year and you don’t get pregnant – the Dr. is going to ask you for your menstrual cycle history. I think charting is fun and you really get to know your body well. However, I would only start charting if 1) you think you will have trouble conceiving *as charting can help you with when your fertile to do the BBD 2) If you don’t get pregnant after 6 cycles of actively trying.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3376 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @Mrs.Metalm  Personally, OPKs actually made me more obsessed and stressed out than charting does.  Charting helps me know exactly where I am in my cycle by just taking my temp in the morning and checking my cervix/fluids when I use the restroom.  When I was using OPKs, I had to remember to pee on them multiple times a day (because otherwise you can miss your LH surge), I worried about if I was peeing too much or my urine was too diluted, I obsessed over whether or not the lines were getting darker or whether or not it was really positive.  

    I think different people react differently to these things, but I think you need to just talk to him about why he thinks OPKs will be easier than charting, what each experience actually means for you, and what you prefer.  I mean, this is something you’re in together, but in the end, you are the one doing this stuff to figure out your cycle.  If you want to chart to help get a baby right away (like he wants), I don’t see why he should have a problem with it.

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