Husband wants to give his sister $30k for her wedding

posted 10 months ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
Member
8662 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

cloudywater :  I’m just agreeing with everyone else. That is not cool at all. If he has $30k available, he needs to put 25 of it in your parents’ pocket. Why are small monthly payments good enough for them  — to repay money they generously loaned you — but his sister gets a lump sum of cold hard cash? Nuh uh. 

Post # 17
Member
761 posts
Busy bee

Is he out of his mind?? How is he willing to GIFT $30k to his spoiled brat sister, and not consider the debt he already owes to your parents? I tend not to borrow money from anyone but the bank……but if this were my household and my marriage, all extra money would be going towards debt repayment and savings before gifting to a sibling.

Post # 18
Member
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

25k to repay your parents, the left over 5k for his sister which even then is ridiculous.

Post # 19
Member
11489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

This is totally irresponsible. It’s not just about having the money, or your higher income, but the work that money could do if put toward your own family’s future. I would put my foot down so hard it would break. 

Post # 20
Member
4141 posts
Honey bee

I’m also concerned about the lack of savings that this will surely leave him with. Let’s say some type of catastrophic (costly) event occurred – would it be up to OP alone to finance it?

Post # 21
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The only way this would even remotely be okay is if you guys have zero debt and also happen to be Jay-Z and Beyoncé.

Post # 22
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

cloudywater :  uuuuh im confused as to how he thinks GIFTING 30k makes more sense than PAYING your parents back for wtf he owes them. Is he out of his dang mind???? Also how in the hell does he now have 30k to gift when he didn’t have 25k for his portion of the down payment? I’m so so so confused

Post # 23
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee

No way. First priority is paying back the parents. Plus $30k for wedding expenses is an extravagance, if it was medical bills or something I’d be more understanding….but this is unnecessary spending.

Post # 24
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

cloudywater :  This is partially why we had to borrow from my parents for the down payment because he’s not that good with planning financially.

You don’t say …

I don’t want to catastrophize and make every problem out to be bigger than it is. But. If he is more than willing to make this kind of decision while disregarding your express input, what else is he going to disagree with and ignore you about in the future? 

It may need to be back to the drawing board. Not with the whole relationship, but specifically with regards to how you function financially as a unit and make decisions.

Post # 25
Member
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

made2comment :  exactly!! How does he have 30k to gift away but had to borrow money from your parents? 

Post # 26
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - City, State

Agree with PP’s. Insane, unnecessary, and excessive. Pay off the parents.

Post # 27
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

This is insane and you should avoid being THAT generous when you’re still in debt! 

Her fiance! Can he help? Can his family help? Can anyone besides y’all fund an entire wedding? Lol…

Post # 28
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee

Hard no, and it really isn’t about the amount of the money.

He is prioritizing making his sister happy with having an ideal wedding that she can’t afford (making her dreams come true) over respecting your parents. It is the disrespect and exploitation of your parents that bothers me. 

If money is available, the majority of it should be given to your parents to cover his portion of your loan.  25k to them. 5k, or whatever he is able to contribute above that, to his sister. If the money is NOT available and he is going to take out a personal loan or free up funds that aren’t truly available, then he cannot afford to donate that amount to his sister.

Post # 29
Member
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I’m saving this post to show my brother next time I see him. He owes me $30K. 😜

On a serious note, perhaps this is cultural (considering you live in different countries), but even still, it’s just crazy that he’d prioritize this over money he owes to somebody. Even crazier, that he’s just casually mentioning this to you like it’s NBD!

Post # 30
Member
6029 posts
Bee Keeper

When the two of you owe that much money to your parents he is not in a position to gift anyone anything. 

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