Husband wants to give his sister $30k for her wedding

posted 1 year ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 61
Member
11983 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

cloudywater :  “even his parents don’t have much savings other than health insurance”

Oh, great. Then you can add to your financial calculations the very high chance you’ll be supporting his parents one day soon, too. 

Post # 62
Member
6099 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

cloudywater :  I’m glad to see that you and your husband have come to a more reasonable agreement on how to move forward with this. However, I’d be concerned by the issues that this situation has raised and that someone working in the finance industry and raised in a household that is so casual about debt can spend the next several years of his life making really good money but manage to piss it away and have nothing to show for it a few years from now.

If I were in your position, hubby and I would be getting some non-negotiable personal finance lessons and be implementing an aggressive savings plan and a monthly budget for personal expenses so that his need to spend up all his money seems to be fulfilled by what isn’t in his account (but having that money wisely socked away rather than wasted on his foolish sister).

Also- maybe the two of you should check out the book The Millionaire Next Door. It’s extremely informative. Unfortunately, while your husband thinks he’s helping his sister, he’s actually harming her by demotivating her to accomplish things on her own. What he’s providing is called “Economic Outpatient Care” and it tends to get recipients stuck in a cycle of being financially dependent on others because they never learn to live within their own means. Your husband thinks he’s helping his sister, but his ego is loving the strokes that come with being the big spending gift giver. 

Post # 63
Member
11983 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

adyjane123 :   “Give him some things to think about in terms of how giving her 30k is taking 30k away from your kids and family. “

And it’s potentially much more than 30K if invested over time. That’s what people who live for today fail to grasp. “Not being in debt” is a pretty low bar, too. 

Post # 64
Member
4669 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You owe your parents money. Pay off your debts.

Post # 65
Member
8265 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

cloudywater :  

Oh absolutely and categorically no no no . The  debt to your parent must,  in honour, be paid first  .I would be pretty pissed off if my h. and I owed my parents big money and he  calmly proposed to give his feckless sister some great sum – not because she was homeless or  something , but because he wanted to show how generous  and prosperous  he was.  

Frankly , I think 5K is a lot for a wedding present, especially as she is not particularly young  or indigent but if he feels he has to give a big sum of money…….

I woudl make him cap it at  5k  mostly because for me, the debt to my parents would  come  above all else . Certainly above giving it  to an adult sibling in law’s ‘s wedding fund, and one  who  in any case is being   heavily subbed by her own parents.

Post # 66
Hostess
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly if someone owed me a decent sum of money and gave 5k as a wedding gift to someone else before fully paying me back I would be PISSED.

It’s more important to pay off the debts you have than to flaunt what you really don’t have to be flaunting IMO.

Post # 67
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

is it his money or both money?  if it is his money, there is not much you can do.  if it is both of your money, i would have a serious discussion.

if you do have 30k extra laying around, why aren’t you paying back your parents?

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