Post # 16
Dear God. My own job has put me through some serious trials, but I didn’t run away from it. Your husband sounds like my ex, and that’s one of the big reasons he is my ex. Thinking about it just makes me sick.
And OP, you say “UGH MEN.” Sorry dear, this isn’t a “man” problem, this is a “big whiny baby” problem. I know I sound harsh, but it’s not fair for him to put you through this and he is being extremely selfish.
Post # 17
That is NOT a man thing. At all. Sorry you’re in that position, but just wanted to be sure you understand this is not normal.
Post # 18
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Between his total disinterest in working, his super pouty negative attitude, and his spoiled man child ways….. sorry but why did you marry this guy? I hope he has some great characteristics too.
As for the job question, I would sit down and lay out a budget together for how to get out of your in-laws’ place. Make him see that yeah, working full time is kind of necessary when you’re an adult.
Do you think he’s depressed? Being unemployed or underemployed can mess with your head. The constant video games and negative attitude kinda sound that way….
Post # 19
He isn’t lazy per-se. He just wants instant gratification, but he doesn’t realize that’s not how the world works lol. He’s a very hard working guy, and when he starts something he usually sees it to the end and tries to get everything as perfect as possible. He’s really discouraged by not finding a job yet– he went to school for electrical engineering- but like I said and many of you have said already he needs to suck it up. A couple years ago when I first started college my mom moved away and so I had to move in with my grandma, but that meant paying rent, pitching in for food, I don’t have a drivers license so I had to take pub transit, and I had to pay for all my bills and anything I wanted so I was working full time at seaworld+2 hrs each way just to get to/from work, AND full time school. He’s never had to do anything that stressful before so it’s something he’s not adjusted too, but it’s still upsetting that he’s getting his panties in such a wad over nothing.
Post # 20
If his MOM can handle bending over low tables, a young, fit man has no reason to complain. Guess what, NO ONE LIKES THAT KIND OF WORK. They do it because they choose to be responsible.
I am sorry bee, but your husband sounds lazy and irresponsible. What kind of man would rather sponge off of his mother, who works at the factory he found so objectionable, than get a real job and oay his own way.
Post # 21
What a baby. I would be very concerned with him being a man and supporting me and my family. He needs to grow up. Most men have that “go out and get the bacon” sort of attitute. Do you really want to be with a man who has no drive? and no desire to support you? I think you deserve better.
Post # 22
You are one patient woman. I could never deal with my Fiance sitting at home doing nothing. When we first moved in together I made double what Fiance made, and it drove him crazy. He went back to school and pretty much kicked butt at a totally new career and exceeded what I make 14 months after moving in together. Due to his “butt kicking” I was able to leave my super intense stressfull job for something with minimal responsibility in my field and am working on opening a business.
The two of you need to talk about what your plans are, and where you see yourselves in the next few years. It sounds like you’re the adult and he’s stuck being a teenager living at his moms house.
Post # 23
Honestly, yeah I do think he’s depressed. He’s gotten really discouraged and I think in his mind he’s looking at it that this job is the only job he’s going to be able to get ever and he’s never going to find anything in his field, etc. All the negative aspects he concentrates on instead of looking at the positive ones.
Post # 24
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
Sounds a lot like my ex, unfortunately he never really grew up because his mom and dad bailed him out time and time again and let him move back in with them rent free whenever he felt like it, he didn’t want to work for anything and thought the world owed him. I tried so hard for years to steer us in the right direction but it never got better. You need to put your foot down now OP, or this kind of behaviour will never go away. I understand how frustrating it is to be in a job that you don’t like but remind him that it is just until he finds something in his field and that quitting is not an option. Let his dislike for it be what motivates him to do better and if necessary get his mom involved, let her know how you feel and that you want to be able to start a life on your own and that he needs motivation.
Post # 25
Oh my god, this was me about 6 months ago. Its such a pain in the arse.
I’d tell him that you’re sorry his job sucks but he really cannot quit until he finds another one. Because you guys are married! You can’t keep living with his parents!
For my fI I found total honesty was best. I told him I was starting to resent the fact he wasn’t working. That really opened his eyes and how he’s working. And after a few monthe if working he can really see how much pressure it has taken off he.
I also gave him a deadline, which was before March (when my uni semester started). I told him if he wasn’t working by then I would be pissed and unsure what would happen (I’d most likely have has to take that semester off)
Post # 26
He went from one Mother to another Mother, you! You are babying him. Don’t go into a Chinese restaurant looking for Italian food. I know you’re venting, but you got what you wanted, a man boy. Don’t make excuses for him, that’s what mothers do when they coddle and spoil their children. Sorry if that sounds harsh. You’re going to spend the next few years being his mom and nagging him.
Post # 27
I guess I just don’t understand why you would marry an over grown teenager who has zero career ambition and just wants to be taken care of by mommy? And a guy who’s not even independant or trying? Jobs are hard to find. Sounds like the stakes are low for him because there’s always mommy….
Dont know what to tell you OP, but he is not looking like a reliable person to build a life with. Hell just transfer his mooching from his mom to you…
Post # 28
To be fair, he didn’t exactly say he wanted to quit, he said he would give it a week, I convinced him to keep the job for a month to give adequate time for him to get into the roll of things before he makes a decision. I told him that if you absolutely CANNOT stand the job for LEGIT reasons such as him getting really bad pain from his back or feet(he has severe flat feet and his back suffers from this despite having custom orthotics), or that you aren’t able to properly carry out the work safely, then he needs to stick it out until we find something in his field. My husband is a true to definition pessimist, but he is one of the hardest working people I know, and will give his 120% most of the time. I think he just needs to get adjusted, and I’ll keep up having his lunches ready, making sure he can just climb in bed after he comes home from the shift, give him massages or pick up some meds for mucle pain and just pray that he comes aroudn to understanding that it’s time to buckle up.
Post # 29
What. A. Child. I’ve been working 1-3 part-time jobs at a time since I was 15, even when I was a full-time student. I studied creative writing and am more or less a starving writer, but guess what? I keep a full-time job as a receptionist to pay the bills and for health insurance. I don’t know what to tell you other than to tell him to sack-up and be an adult. That’s just how it is.
Post # 30
Yeah, I sent him a text letting him know that what happened today was not okay, and his behaivior needs to change. I’ll talk more with him when he either gets home from work or when we wake up tomorrow.
Nope, I totally agree. I always let him off the hook thinking it was harmless but I see the error in my ways now. I’ve started to buckle down, I’m still going to support him in as many ways as I can but I’m not letting him get off so easily anymore in his actions.