(Closed) Husband wants to quit first real job he's ever had, after only 1 day working.

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 46
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

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anon0668248:  I understand why your Fiance wouldn’t enjoy working at a factory if he majored in electrical engineering, because I’m sure it’s not what I imagined as his career. But success takes persistence and jobs don’t fall out of the sky and land on your lap… When I graduated college I looked for jobs 2-3 times a DAY, not 2-3 a month. 

TBH I don’t think that his mom having cancer is an excuse at all. My fiance’s dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2013 and passed away recently. Of course this has been difficult for him, but the entire time Fiance has gotten up every morning and gone to work. Because that’s what grown ups do…

Post # 47
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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anon0668248:  I am sorry but he needs to grow the f up. I did factory work for 5 years yeah it sucks but it also brings in money.  I worked my way through college on the weekends and summers there.  I hated it but did it.  He needs to just suck it up and do the job.  Until he can find something other.  It helps pays the bills and he needs to stop living off of mommy especially with her having cancer now.  

Post # 48
Member
3185 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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anon0668248:  24 yr old chiming in here NOT ACCEPTABLE. I had to work as a nanny for 2 years I hated that job but Fiance and I needed the money. I wasn’t going to let him down. He needs to realize that this is the real world. You have to work and have experience more than tim hortons on a resume. There is no easy route in life not when you are married and have a wife. Oh honey I am so sorry.

Post # 49
Member
15000 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

A month?? You’re more generous than I.  I would be telling my husband I don’t give a shit if he hates it.  Suck it up and earn a living.  You don’t quit your job to sit on your ass without another one lined up.  I think you’re being swayed by the fact that you still have a roof over your head cause his mom is providing it for free.  If you two had your own house and bills to pay, you would not be telling him give it a month and if you still hate it, then quit when there’s a mortgage and bills to pay.  Where are you located?  An eletrical engineering job shoud land him at least 50-60k, interns at my company made at least 27/hour last year.  He needs to really look for a job and start contributing and earning a living for your futures.

Post # 50
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

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anon0668248:  so you didn’t realize his lack of work ethic, drive, and sense of entitlement and spoiled-ness while Dating? You jthought marriage would magically turn a boy into a man? The point of dating is not to get married, it’s find someone you are compatible with, for marriage. You signed up to be his mommy….what can we say?

like another bee stated, it’s called a job, not a hobby. I doubt that even 50% of the population has a job that they love. It’s a job. It serves a function. It’s not a vacation….any grown man knows this….your husband is wrong, but you picked your husband and i doubt he will change because he has been inabeled by his family, and yourself, for so long.

i would tell him that having a man child is sexually unattractive and it makes you love him and view him as child instead of your intimate partner 

Post # 51
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

As someone who managed to be a full time student, employed, financially independent, and deal with BOTH parents having cancer at the same time during my college years alone, I can tell you with absolute certainty that your “husband” and you are using every excuse under the sun to justify his entitled, selfish, lazy behavior.

I put husband in quotes because honestly, you married a child.

Post # 52
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am laughing, mostly at mysel. I just started a job and hate it! But part of life is sucking it up and earning a paycheck whether you like it or not until a better opprotunity comes up. I still stomp my little feet when I have to work, then put on big girl panties and a smile. If if its not a great just at least it’s work, many aren’t as fortunate

Post # 53
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

holy crap. why on earth does he not have another job during the week? even if it’s not in his field? this is so bizarre. 

frankly, he sounds like a crap employee all around. gee, maybe no one wants to hire him because…

– he’s an entitled brat who throws temper tantrums about having to walk an extra few feet

– he has zero coping mechanisms

– he can’t hack it for a DAY of actual labour

– he’s ‘the definition of a pessimist’ (never seen that in a want ad! ‘looking for a total debbie downer…’)

– he clearly has zero work ethic and ambition

 

good luck, you’ll need it. 

Post # 54
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

I mean people process grief, life changes, growing up differently.  Some people go by the flow (slow and steady), some people take a step up (just grow into the big girl/boy shoes and take action) and some people fall back/stay behind. 

I have an SO that plays video games an average of 2 hours a night.  I’m not mad at all.  Why?  Because he is a FT student, works on the weekends, FT daddy to our infant son, and PT homemaker.  I don’t see his gaming as a destructive hobby, but a relaxing diversion.  It helps him unwind, catch up with his gaming buddies, stay current with the games to have somethign to talk to his friends with.  I support him. 

Gamers and being “childlike” are not mutually exclusive.  It’s about priority–he games after all his responsibilities (MEANING HIS FAMILY AND HIS HOME) are taken cared of.  🙂 

Post # 55
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I had to chime in here, because I’ve BEEN OP so I understand where she’s coming from here.

To all of the folks saying, “How could you date someone like that?” — we as women are often told that it’s good when we’re needed. We like fulfilling that “maternal” role. When I started dating my man-child, I thought it was cute that he needed help cleaning his apartment; I liked being able to make him pancakes, etc.

But this whole thread made me have a flashback to one moment in our relationship; he was a graduate student and was INFURIATED that he had to wake up at 7:10 AM two days a week to attend an 8 AM class. I would drive (because he said it was “too early to drive”) and he would sit in the front seat with his eyes closed, sulking and refusing to even engage in a logistics-for-the-day conversation because it was “too early to talk.”

When I suggested he would feel better if he didn’t stay up until 2 AM every night playing video games, he told me that was “just how his biological clock functioned” and he couldn’t help it.

Yup, that was my 25-year-old man-child.

Now I look back and think it’s hilarious, but, yeah, leaving that situation helped me find the humor.

Post # 56
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

OP, I just read your update. Because this is LDR for a long time, I give you the benefit of the doubt that you didnt really know him well enough when you decided to marry him. 

However, you keep defending him in your post. I just want to point out that he was lazy before his mom got the cancer, and will be lazy in the future. You cant change him. 

Post # 57
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Lol @ all the bees licking men’s boots over the “UGH MEN” comment.

Post # 58
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You mentioned in one of your post that you were looking for jobs for him in his desired field.  Why are you doing his work for him?  I see nothing wrong with couples helping each other, but this isn’t help.  You are enabling him just as much as his mother.  You have a ton on your plate right now.  Let your man-child take on some of his own work.  His brother was the one to find him his only jobs in life.  This is not normal.  He needs to put in the work of looking for a job or he will quit after the first day.  You married young, so now you need to assist each other with growing up.  This is a hard lesson you need to give your husband.  No, he can’t quit until he finds something else making the same or more.  Period.  He wants a job in his field well then he needs to stick this out until he finds his ideal job.  

Post # 59
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

That’s millennials for you..We have one friend who is 26 and still living at home rent free and plans on staying there until his parents retire and buy a new house so he can keep their old one. We have another friend who bitches that they need to raise minimum wage so that he can afford to move out because he doesn’t want to put in the effort to find a new job. That and he’s scared of taking a drug test because his ex got him into smoking pot and now he “can’t live without it.” And Future Brother-In-Law is 28, still living at home rent free, only got a job because Fiance got it for him, freaks out and locks himself in his room anytime someone asks when he’s going to get his drivers license but is still somehow “the best son.”

But this is who you chose to marry. Have you considered being the breadwinner? There’s no problem with a woman being head of household.

Post # 60
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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anon0668248:  what is Tim Hortons? If he worked there weekends for seven years and he finished college with presumably good grades, then he has potential to succeed. He’s probably disenchanted not lazy. Yes, part of maturity is taking jobs that arent your favorite when you have to but factory work is not for him if he tried it before and had backaches.

A few thoughts to consider: if he hurts his back badly enough, he could become disabled and not be able to work at all/enjoy your young years/play ball with your future little ones….Some people are better off if they are aware they hate certain jobs because then they will not get stuck settling/underpaid/no benefits….

Heres what I think he should do: stop escaping so much in video games and get some more schooling even if it means those dreaded student loans in a truly marketable field! Or the two of you maybe relocate after your schooling so you both can land career positions. If more than a weekend job is necessary right now, he could do computer work in an office (not customer service or reception). Or get a second part time job for now and suck it up dealing with people but say for a small amount of hours at very good pay, ..,,Could he cook or wash dishes or bar back??? Or proofread???

Yes he should plan his future to result in satisfying  secure employment that he can physically do until retirement (not factory work)!!!! But in the meantime he could contribute more money towards moving out of his parents with one of the suggestions I gave — while he figures out a plan.

By the way, if you are the ambitious one, maybe he can be a house husband when you two have children? 

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