(Closed) Husband wants to quit first real job he's ever had, after only 1 day working.

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 61
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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BookTea:  I think there is truth in what you are saying, and you are supporting the OP which is a good thing. But if OP tells her Darling Husband what you suggested she say, whatever good is in their marriage will be gone. She should stick to how much she needs his help as well as brainstorm with him, while showing him empathy.

I do think that while many of us do many things we don’t enjoy in the name of responsibility, I’m convinced that some people just do suffer more in the wrong jobs and find the career world not as satisfying. I just hope that her Darling Husband and her can work out a mutual compromise so both can feel taken care of/respected/understood.

Post # 62
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

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littlechickie:  what is Tim Hortons?

LOL, as a Canadian this made me actually chuckle in real life. It’s a chain coffee shop, like Dunkin Donuts.

Post # 63
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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anon0668248:  Has he tried temp agencies?  He can sign up for several and do temp jobs.  I’m not sure about electrical engineering but they will probably be closer to his field than loading tires.  Most are temp-to-hire as well.

I do think he should stick with this until he gets something else (even if it is just a temp job).

Post # 64
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Yeah no. I’d definitely leave him. He’s never going to grow up. He doesn’t have to. youll be nagging and pushing him to be a grown up for the rest of your life. You really want to be a grown mans mommy? Cut your losses now while you’re young. People don’t change.

Post # 65
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

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littlechickie:  I agree totally, I think others brushed over that bit.

He has worked in a factory before and it caused back pain. Continuing to work in a factory environment could flare that up again and cause serious injury. For his own health it would be better for him to find a new job. But it isn’t like he doesn’t have a job at all, he works weekends, although that is not enough to support the both of you until you can work too.

Also I did find the ‘UGH MEN!’ comment funny like PPs, but not because of the ‘he’s not a man, he’s a child’ or ‘not all men are like that’, but because it is not just guys who can be like that. As someone who is sort of on the other side; being nearly 25, with a degree, unemployed and still living with my parents; why on earth did you get married before you could afford to support yourselves, knowing how little motivation he had regarding finding a job?

Post # 66
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know that here, in the US, engineers have to be licensed.  Has he just not completed that yet?

 

I guess I’m also fuzzy on why YOU are searching for jobs for him– this is something he needs to do.  How about an internship?  Great paying engineeting jobs don’t just fall into people’s laps post graduation.  He should be calling recruiters and agencies so he can add work experience to his resume.  How is he going to explain the lag of basically no job but weekend work at Hortons after graduation?  

 

Does he have CAD experience?  Designer jobs pay well and would at least get his foot in the door at a good firm.  (HINT:  call an agency!)  Did his school not offer any job placement assistance?  Have him call one of his college professors too.  Engineering is a niche field– have him contact classmates, or anybody he knows who may be working in that field.   

 

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  .
Post # 68
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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ClaudiaKishi:  I live in the US, but near a border and I was actually bummed when Timmy Ho’s expanded over here. That was our Canadian fun, dammit! When I was 19 & 20, we’d cross the border, hole up in a bar for a couple hours, then stop at Tim Horton’s before heading back home. I’ll never forget the morning I woke up and felt something unidentifiable in my front jeans pocket. Imagine my suprise when I reached in and pulled out a flattened yet somehow still muffin-shaped Tim Horton’s muffin. THAT’S when you know you had a good time last night!

Post # 69
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

1. It’s not “men”, it’s “him”.

2. As somebody who has battled depression, I find it incredibly offensive that you use that as an excuse. Being negative and suffering from depression are two completely different things. Unless you are a medical professional you have no right to diagnose him as such. From an outsider’s perspective he simply comes across as undriven, pessimistic and – dare I say – it lazy.

3. You just gave him an easy way out by saying, “Legit reason like back pain”. Guess what he is going to be claiming is bothering him after the month is up? “Back pain”…even if he’s feeling fine.

4. You said you married him knowing all of this so why are you making excuses for him now? I don’t blame you 100% as he’s old enough to take responsibility for his own behaviour but the fact that you are quite clearly an enabler doesn’t help the situation at all.

5. The only way I see this improving is if the $$$ figure from his first pay run is enough to gratification for him.

Post # 71
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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swirlyclover86:  yes, Darling Husband is a passionate gamer too. Clocks in hours a day but only in his FREE time. And it never gets in the way of his being responsible, caring, hardworking and committed to me.

Post # 72
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, you say he has been unfairly judged Herr, yet we only have information you have given us and with what we have…. Well, he seems lazy and silly. 

If he couldn’t get a job in his field then when wasn’t he taking something else? Working full time? I have hired before and I would never choose a 24 year old man with two days a week at the coffee place for a position. I don’t like being the person to teach someone about working. He needs to stick with it and grow the fuck up. I am going to school and working 40+ hour weeks. You do what you have to. It seems like he would rather be coddled. 

Post # 73
Member
9581 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Maybe he should focus on finding a paid internship in his field even if the wage is a little less than the factory. You were right that companies want some experience: and not at Tim Hortons or in a factory. He should definitely keep up the grind till he finds it though, but its important to keep the long term goal in sight (a salaried lucrative job) and not sacrifice that for 12/hour factory wage vs 10/hr interning.

Post # 74
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I struggle with depression as well, and if that’s what’s truly going on, he needs treatment, so he can stop living his life a certain way because of depression, and start to live in spite of it. I, in recovery, still have days where I would honestly rather die than live. I just do, despite counseling, despite medication, despite coping skills. However, I’ve learned that I can throw in the towel, or I can fight. I can feel weak and helpless, or I can show me I’m not that at all. However, I wouldn’t be in this place without adequate treatment, without medication and support from my treatment team. It’s understandable that he’s depressed-he can’t find a good job, his mom has cancer. But he needs to reach out and rise above rather than cut himself off from the world, which will only make things worse. 

Post # 75
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Honey, he needs to quit his bitching. My husband and I got married at 23 and 24 too and he is also an engineer. His job includes manual labor as well as being intellectually draining. He works 18 hours a day, 7 days a week in -40F weather all winter and 100+F in the summer for 3-6 weeks at a time, comes home for 1-2 weeks if we’re lucky (and often goes into the office here in town and does more work ON HIS TIME OFF), then leaves for work again. Does he complain? Nope. Engineering is incredibly competitive and he is doing what he needs to do to progress.

Life can be hard and you often have to do shit you don’t want to, but if you (or in this case, your husband) just weasle out of it then you won’t reap the rewards. I think part of being a supportive spouse sometimes requires you to push your significant other a little. It is so easy to give up and it’s up to you to make it of utmost importance that he reaches his potential, even if he cannot see it yet. 

Perhaps write a list of goals you two want to complete in 1 years time, 3 years time, and 5 years time. Once you have them physically in front of you, really take the time to kind of force him to understand that there is a direct correlation between those goals and his personal effort. After all, things don’t happen just because you want them to. 

Also, I really don’t understand the remark you made about being Christian or how religion has anything to do with one’s work ethic. If it puts things into perspective, my husband and I are both atheists…

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