(Closed) Husband wants to quit first real job he's ever had, after only 1 day working.

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 76
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Why are you making his lunches?  If you want him to grow up, putting together your own sustenance is a pretty big component.  That’s just another way that he’s babied. 

Post # 77
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We can only work with the info you give us, OP.

 

Honestly, it doesn’t really sound like he really has applied himself in getting a job in his field.  Both the Hortons job and this factory job were jobs his brother arranged for him.

 

Landing that first job after college is tough for all new grads.  Some people are lucky and are hired on from their internship, some get recruited and some have to work scab jobs until they do have work experience under their belt to obtain a job in their chosen field.

 

He needs to network with people he knows in his field– former classmates, professors, advisors.  Did he work an internship?  Have him contact those colleagues as well.  Maybe another internship is the way to go.  Has he taken (and passed) the PE exam?  (Not sure if that is required in Canada, but here, if you aren’t certified, you aren’t even going to get an interview for an engineering job.)

 

Finally (and this is merely my own opinion):  my husband (and an additional 5 family members are engineers.  This is a niche field– it is competitive and the most successful engineers are type-A people.  There really isn’t a lot of wiggle room for people who complain.  I’m not going to lie to you– there’s a lot of OT and weekend work, and if you can’t produce and have attention to detail, you’re not going to last.

Hopefully I wasn’t too harsh with my last paragraph, but my point is this– sometimes, you have to fight for the job you want.  My husband’s never applied for a job on Monster or Career Builder, et.al.  A month before graduation, he started calling the top 5 firms he wanted to work for and told them “I am graduating in May.  I would like to be your unpaid intern for 3 months.”  That was 15 years ago, and he’s now one of the most sought-after Mechanical Engineers in this market.

 

OH!  Also, check out public sector jobs as well– most often, those jobs aren’t advertised in commercial job boards, but they are out there.  I think people sometimes overlook them.  One uncle is a Civil Engineer– he works for the City.  Point is– I think a lot of people think submitting resumes through online job boards wins jobs.  It’s really a crapshoot– and it doesn’t sound like that has been paying off for him- taking s different approach (and attitude) may be the way to go.  I really think (and this is just my opinion) that he should work an unpaid internship.  That would open doors for him and help him meet and network with people who can help him get that job he wants.  And push him to learn CAD and 3D rendering software– he can’t do much (right now) about having experience, but he shouls be honing his skills.

 

 

Post # 78
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

anon0668248:  we made our opinions based on what YOU reported.

if it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck and a quacks like a duck….we will assume it’s a duck.

you obviously defend and enable his behavior, you  knew how he was when you signed up for marriage with him.

obviously, you enjoy having a child instead of a “husband.” So don’t complain, and enjoy what you picked and what you cultivated.

Post # 79
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

anon0668248:  I think you both need to make some changes. You both are responsible for getting yoursevles out of his parent’s house. So yes he needs to put on his big boy pants and keep that job and you need to stop thinking you are entitled to just be a student if you guys need to get out of that house. Many people go to school full time and work a steady part time or even full time job on top of it until t hey graduate. He should not be the only one responsible for supporting you guys while you complete school.

With that said, he sounds like an immature brat. I hate going to work because I work for someone I can’t stand. But I do it becuase my life requires that I do it. I have to be here. I have to have this income. I have actually cried while coming into work because I just don’t want to be here but I need it to keep my life outside of work afloat.

I would not have gotten married while still living with someone’s parents. I could not have started my married life like that. But since you are in this situation some big changes need to happen in my opinion.

Post # 80
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

ClaudiaKishi:  That made me laugh too.  It didn’t even dawn on me that OP must be Canadian, or living in one of the few few few areas in the USA that has a single Tim Hortons. 

Nom nom Timbits!

Post # 81
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

OP knowing the age helps a little. If he was in his 30’s I would still stand by my Run Run Run comment.

<br />I’m not going to say that it’s typical of young people these days that just get out of school to not want to work scut jobs, but the truth of the matter is, you have to and there are many graduates that think this way. Such a tiny percentage of people get jobs in their field right out of school, that it’s laughable as to why people tout school as being the ONE AND ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE. Companies aren’t going to hire graduates with little to no experience. It’s just how it is. And it’s horrible how many entitled people are coming out of school (some with only a BA, which is in my opinion now equivalent to a High School Diploma where I live) expecting high paying jobs, but also not so surprising considering how it’s hammered down young people’s throats that the only way to get a good job is to go to school.

Unfortunately it sounds like your Darling Husband suffers from this mindset and it’s a very common, yet wrongly informed one.

Now when young people don’t get jobs right away out of school they think that going back to school and getting a higher degree, a Master’s for example, will get them a better job right away, but it just puts them in to more debt, and still with no experience. It’s a horrible cycle but again not surprising with the amount of pressure put on young people to go to school.

So all that said I’m not making excuses for your Darling Husband, because he is acting like a crybaby about his job, but I understand it a bit better than others may consider. He should however, buck up and deal with it and you do need to stop enabling him. If you want your Darling Husband to grow up to be a responsible adult, than he’s going to need to learn to take care of himself, without you or his parents help all the time (and there’s nothing wrong with taking a little help here and there, but this is an excessive case).

You sound like you’re from a different mindset of Hard Work = Results, and that’s good, you’ll get far with that mindset, but if you Darling Husband doesn’t start to feel that way, I’m sorry but you’re going to end up being dragged down by him for a long, long time, which will only lead to resentment on your part and something messier happening later on…

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  happenstance. Reason: Spelling!
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  happenstance.
Post # 82
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

It took me five years from graduating college to find a job in my field. I worked retail and food service, including the type of back-breaking work your husband is doing. Did I whine about it? Yes. Did I stick with it until I could find something better? Yes. Did I throw a temper tantrum? No.

My immediate reaction to your posts has been to say “suck it up, buttercup”, but given that he may be depressed and he has a lot going on with his mom, this may not be helpful. However, if I were you I would insist that he can’t leave this job until he finds a better one. Discouraged or not, people need to pay their bills and life is not meant to be easy. It is not fair to you, either, when you are still working so hard.

Post # 83
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

You keep saying he’s hardworking, but he’s 24 and never had a full time job – and isn’t really looking. That’s the antithesis of hardworking.

Look, honey, he’s lazy, and not an adult. Jesus ain’t got shit to do with it, and Jesus wouldn’t approve of being used as an excuse.

I went to college full time, while working full time, as a single mother. It was so fucking awful, but when there is a will, there’s a way. 

Post # 84
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - backyard wedding!!

I was married to a guy like this. He worked several jobs while we were first married. Then BOOM. Quit while I was 27 weeks pregnant- out of the blue because someone wasn’t “nice to him” and that lead to a downward spiral of quitting job after job. He didn’t work 2 of the 5 years we were married!!!! It was insane. I was PISSED OFF. I worked my ass off as a nurse and took care of our son and the home while he sat on his ass and watched TV and wanted to play golf. He was always given a free ride from his parents and bailed out of everything. I finally had ENOUGH after 6 months of not working and he got a job and quit after a week- and divorced his butt.

 

Now I am with an amazing man with a great career that treats me like an equal. We both work HARD and undersand that there is NO free rides. (his Ex took him for granted too and didn’t work.)  

 

I hope you don’t have to go down the same path that I did. Stand up for what you want. He should be an equal partner with you. No other way around it. Both of you should be working for a living.  Good luck. I know how hard and frustrating it is!!!!

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