Post # 61
isleofnewlywed : while him wanting to retire and what I agree is a bait and switch is highly concerning, I am almost as concerned about his vision of parenting ie that his parents will do the work while he does nothing. So I agree with keeping your finances separate, but I would also shelve TTC for the forseeable future, too, until he can regain your trust and demonstrate that he can behave like a responsible adult.
Also, for those outside the UK, IMO £55k a year (I’m assuming before tax) with a minor child in the picture is not enough to retire on, even if mortgage free. Or rather, it is, but only if you were careful. It is not enough IMO to live comfortably or to provide the luxuries that I personally would want to try to provide for a child, such as extra curricular activities, savings, or university tuition fees.
Post # 62
Also, I don’t know if anyone has touched on this, but what would happen if at some point, say in 10 years, you could not work eg due to disability? Very few people are going to want to employ someone in their 50s who’s been out of a work for a long time.
Post # 63
Ummm…no! For me any of these bigger worklife decisions should be decided together, especially when they have an impact on our joint financial future. I’m super disatisfied in my job, I’d love to switch fields or cut back to fewer hours but I would never consider pursuing it without discussing it with my SO.
Post # 64
Exactly my point. 55k is definitely a tight ask. We currently hae household income of 95k. How he expecs a loss of 40k don’t make a dent in savings, budget and lifestyle is mindboggling.. even without a kid.
Have been channeling my inner Ghandi/ Zen to get through this otherwise I would have clobbered him by now. Supposedly a plan will be presented this weekend. I wait with bated breath!
Post # 65
I mean…personally I would LOVE to retire at 45…but it has to be a joint decision.
Post # 66
What was the plan he presented you with? Or has there been no plan?
Post # 67
Post # 68
So an update for those interested, seems it was a rude awakening for him. We had a loooonnngggg talk over the weekend. He could own up to his douchey move.. probably because he couldn’t deny it. He did stupidly think I would be super supportive. But now sees just how close he came to messing up our marriage so early on. Tried to suck up with flowers and dinner but it’ going to take a lot more tha that.
I would never resent anyone retiring early WITH a plan. And it seems we are a long way off that (10yrs at the earliest). Created a spreadsheet together based on estimates and it actually helped him see in black and white that it wasn’t going to work. So he has gone back to work to withdraw his request completely. (Thanks to the helpful Bee who suggestd men sometimes are visual people and need to see things in black and white)
Now we just have to deal with the trust issue because he has a long way to go to earn it back. The separation of finances didn’t go down well but I’m sticking to my guns and he has to deal with it . He is yet to explain whay made him think he could make a unilateral decision.
Post # 69
The plan he presented involved holding off on babies for 4 years, going part time for The first year and putting his earnings into a savings pot before eventually retiring… leaving a pot of less that £12000 :-/
My alternate plan – sell off 2 houses and put those into the savings pot which would give approx £70k before fees. wouldn’t last long though.. Didn’t go down well!
Final decision- we both keep working and SAVE!
Post # 70
His plan was to save his part time work money for his retirement while you would pay for him while.wokring part time? seems like a solid plan 🙄 also who would think a partner would be supportive of “I asked my boss yo work part time . then I will retire soon. I wont be SAHD or do additional work at home. you will support us while I do my thing. surrise honey”. sorry that just sounds crazy logic.
good form you for sticking to your guns and not letting him get away with anything. Good that you will keep your finances separate. His life plans seems to be very concentrated on your finances. I’m also glad he is seeing where he went wrong. I’m sure you will solve the trust issues. Good luck 😊