Post # 1
My husband and I have been married almost 3 years, we have a daughter who is going to be 2. However he has a long history of doing and saying hurtful things to me, such as wishing childbirth to be “As painful as humanly possible for me” (he didn’t want me to have our daughter), following his female “friend’s” instagram account where she posted naked pictures and “Joking” (Joke to him, not to me) to “Shove plan B down my throat” if he thought I could be pregnant again. Possibly the most devestating thing though happened just last week when I was cleaning our bathroom. I noticed his wedding ring laying on the shower stand, (he always takes it off in the shower) I moved it to scrub the stand, when I noticed that it had engraving in it. I never had his ring engraved, so it caught me off guard. When I read it, I realized that this ring had his and his ex fiance’s initials in it and thier would be wedding date with a heart. I was heart broken and called him out on it immediently. He told me the wedding band I gave him was too big so he decided to wear that one. He said it “Doesn’t mean anything special to him” and that he only wore it because it fit better. He never told me his old one didn’t fit, and he has apparently been wearing this ring for almost two years, so his ring was never going to get fixed, and I know if I hadn’t found out he would still be wearing it. This is on top of a mountain of other pains that I have already forgiven, and this time I don’t think I can do it. I suggested marriage counseling and he proceeded to tell me that I was the one with the problem so maybe I was the one who needed the counseling. Two days later we got into a very long discussion about where our future was, and I told him I wanted a divorce. He’s asking me to just forgive him because “That’s what spouses do” and I can’t help but feel guilty everytime he bursts into hysterical tears over me leaving. At the same time, I’m still neauseous and heart broken every time I see my own rings and picture her name in his. However I just want to know, am I over reacting as he says, or is this something I really have a right to be angry about?
Post # 2
beemorning : wishing childbirth to be “As painful as humanly possible for me” … “Shove plan B down my throat” if he thought I could be pregnant again.
What the hell! Seriously, why on earth are you with this guy?
Post # 3
You have every right to be angry. And you should leave. As quickly and as safely as possible. Get in touch with a lawyer sooner rather than later. But be careful, he sounds a little nuts, I wouldn’t put it past him to go stupid and lose his shit.
You and your daughter deserve so much better. You wouldn’t encourage her to stay in this situation, would you? Be safe Bee!
Post # 4
zzar45 : That recently has been my thought too… he always defends himself as just joking and says he never means to say hurtful things, that he’s just “stupid” or using sattire. But I feel like after 3 years it’s got to be more than just stupid comments… he should know by now that they’re not just jokes. I just feel very guilty for deciding on divorce whenever he starts crying, shaking and saying how much he loves me and can’t live without me. But my whole family is pushing me towards it saying basically the same thing, why did you put up with it this long? He just has me feeling like I’m over reacting lately, to the point I’m very confused on if I’m doing the right thing…
Post # 5
I understand that the ring was the last straw but being with someone who could say such nasty things to you makes me think you don’t value yourself and your standards are very low. Please get counseling and leave this toxic human.
Post # 6
This guy sounds like human garbage. Does he have any redeeming qualities?
Post # 7
Leave. Now. End of story.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this, but it sounds like you should’ve let him go years ago when he didn’t want your daughter.
As for forgiving because “that’s what spouses do.” No. Spouses do forgive when there is remorse on the part of the offender and if there is an effort to remedy the situation but I see neither in your spouse.
Post # 8
Give me a break that it didn’t mean anything. Who does that? He knew. It was his pathetic little protest every day. Apart from the ring, he’s disrespectful, emotionally abusive, and shows no evidence of wanting to change. You have every right to be upset and to consider your options, including following through with your threat.
Post # 9
beemorning : He just has me feeling like I’m over reacting lately, to the point I’m very confused on if I’m doing the right thing…
Honestly, if anything you are under-reacting! You are definitely doing the right thing, this guy has zero respect for you and you/ your child don’t deserve that. None of those things are “jokes” and that defense doesn’t even make sense.
Post # 10
The ring is the least of your problems. Leave him. No other advice needed.
I’m continually amazed at the amount of human garbage there is out there and the people who put up with it.
Post # 11
Please get yourself and your daughter away from this man as soon as you can.
Post # 12
beemorning : he always defends himself as just joking and says he never means to say hurtful things, that he’s just “stupid” or using sattire
Uh lies, straight up lies but for the moment, let’s say it WAS his way of joking & satirizing. If you’ve expressed that you’re not okay with it then those “jokes” should’ve ceased. Since they haven’t then that’s simply another display of disrespect towards you bee. Throughout your whole post the common recurrent theme I got was a total disregard for your feelings and disrespect of you as his wife. In actuality, you are his emotional punching bag. He doesn’t recognize you as a person with feelings that deserves his respect. He treats you with contempt and you’ve been totally okay with that up to now.
He’s crying because he doesn’t want to lose his punching bag and if the tears work, then hey……. punching bag you continue to be.
The problem is that you can’t see the crying and your subsequent guilt for what it is……..manipulation. He’s gaslit you so badly that you doubt your own judgement and worth.
Dear beautiful bee…..no one deserves to be treated the way you have been by your own husband. THAT IS NOT LOVE AND NEVER WILL BE! There are men out there that will treat you like the queen that you are. Why don’t you get out of your own way so that man can find you?
Post # 13
beemorning : Possibly the most devestating thing though happened just last week when I was cleaning our bathroom.
This is the hill you chose to die on? Why the fuck did you not file for divorce as soon as he announced that he didn’t want to be a father?
Post # 14
beemorning : He is crying because he wants you to feel horrible and not leave him!!!! He knows what he is doing. People cry when other people break up with them, I am pretty sure it happens all the time. Oh bee the ring is the least of your problems, that’s just the icing on the cake. Focus more on the verbal abuse he is spewing out. You want your daughter seeing how he treats you? Rally with your family and friends for your support system. Hugs to you bee.
Post # 15
DIVORCE HIM. I would have done the second after he wished childbirth was as painful as possible on you.
The ring thing, just confirms what an absolute arsehole he is.