- 2 weeks ago
this person sounds cruel. please leave him.
this person sounds cruel. please leave him.
Nope nope nope. This man is toxic and WISHES PAIN UPON YOU. He will likely inflict pain upon you. Leave as quickly as you can.
Have you had so little exposure to good men and good relationships that you are unaware that all of this is unacceptable? Your husband is downright sadistic–for real, not exaggerating for effect. He gets a kick out of hurting you, demeaning you and upsetting you. I don’t think it was an unintended oversight that he wore his wedding ring from his prior marriage. I think he indulged the spite of NOT wearing his ring that symbolized his commitment to YOU. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that cheating accompanied that switch-over. This man seems devoid of compassion or any sincere care for your happiness. His tears are a sign of his immaturity and are the same manipulation tactic that children use. Children naturally turn to tears when they’re little. Adults? Only if they haven’t grown up on the inside. His petty, spiteful, and selfish behaviior is consistent with a childish heart and mind. He’s a spoiled, callous, uncompassionate child in a grown body.
There are good men out there and good relationships out there. This is not a good man and not a good relationship. Is there anything anyone can say to convince you to get out of this relationship before you incur layers of trauma from this relationship? I hope you leave now for your sake and your child’s sake.
Take your daughter and get out now.
gimmepretty : “Children naturally turn to tears when they’re little. Adults? Only if they haven’t grown up on the inside.” — You can’t be serious. Are you actually saying that adults can’t or shouldn’t cry? And you are here giving advice to people? Go away before you damage someone.
An adult who sometimes cries
ETA: Everyone here agrees that this guy is a POS, but not because “adults don’t cry.” Do you think OP hasn’t cried about this, yet here you are saying tears are childish and a sign of immaturity. Not helpful.
Holy smokes. Maybe the context wasn’t clear. I meant adults turning to years when they get caught and are using the years to try to get out of trouble. Of course crying as an adult is natural and healthy in the right context, even when it’s because we’ve gotten caught doing something bad and feel true remorse, embarrassment etc. But turning to years for the sake of getting out of trouble…. That’s for young children who haven’t learned other responses yet. So I think the OP’s husband crying when he gets caught but then returning to the same bad behavior is in his case childish. I’m also an adult who sometimes cries. Everybody cries. Also … everybody poops. Can we all calm down?
ETA:. Oh no. Now it just occurred to me that Karen meme, “Calm down.”. Ugh. I don’t want to bring that into play either. How about, I made an editing error because my son was asking for my help and I didn’t give my post a going,-over that would probably have caught the missing context. Let’s not be upset about this. We all need more chocolate. It helps everything. If only it would get rid of pos abusive spouses. Like, I eat a bon bon and jerks vanish. Wouldn’t that be an awesome solution?
My father was a lot like your husband. He emotionally and also physically abused my mom and me and the worst part is we didn’t even notice the toxic environment we were in until we finally escaped. I was 15 when my mom left him, and to this day I fight the childhood traumas he gave me. Please don’t do the same to your daughter. You still have time.
Bee, you are being badly emotional abused.
The National DV Hotline has counselors available 24/7 so you can talk about your relationship via phone or chat.
The DV facility in your own community can be a good resource as well. Leaving is difficult and can be dangerous. It’s important to have a well thought out exit plan. Let the experts help you with that.
And, please do not have a baby with this guy. You’ll be tying yourself to him for two decades. I fear for how much worse he will get if you’re pregnant and vulnerable.
This kind of abuser typically escalates. Do you know why his prior marriage ended or just his version?
Here’s a nifty way to get at the truth: ask him what terrible lies his ex would tell about him if you ever met her.
Do you realize there are 3.9 billion men in the world?
beemorning : You need to be strong for your daughter. Right now you’re probably telling yourself that she’s too young to know what’s going on, or that she doesn’t hear or can’t understand the things he’s saying to you. Children hear and understand far more than you realize. And even if it’s true that she’s too young to comprehend now, that won’t always be the case.
Your husband mistreats you and obviously resents your daughter. If he’s not already, he will resort to mistreating your daughter too.
You deserve better. Show your daughter that women are strong, and that she never has to stay in an abusive relationship. Show her that her mom’s love for her is stronger than her fear.
You can do this. Leave for yourself, for your daughter, and for your futures.
This dude needs a classic slap in the face. Old hollywood movie style. Everytime he says something hateful. * SMACK*
Not saying actually do that. But I would sure love to see it.
beemorning : Please please please…take your daughter & leave ASAP!
Divorce him too bc he sounds like a real piece of work & he’s definitely way more than just a little nutso.
Don’t let this asshole of a man manipulate or be emotionally abusive to you any longer. You deserve better!