- 4 years ago
[Backstory: We moved across our country so I could attend gradschool as it is part of our life plan. In the future, Darling Husband hopes to become a STHH or STHD (CFBC for now, but could change in the future -hardly) and pursue his dream job: having his own podcast. I completely support this idea as long as it is viable for us (aka we are living a good life with only my salary). I am currently attending gradschool and hold a scholarship which allow us to have a decent life (pay the rent, food and even save some money). Darling Husband is working so we can have some extra-side money, plus the fact that he wants to buy a car.]
The thing is, my husband is working at a very mentally and socially toxic place. He got hired because he was recommended by a distant relative who works at the organization, and ever since he got in he has been suffering non-stop. For reasons that I can justify as envy and/or lack of education, people started gossiping about him ever since he was hired. The source of almost all rumours, as Darling Husband was told by the only friend he has been able to make, seem to be two scretaries who word directly for his boss. As Darling Husband has told me, they never greet him when he arrives (despite him greeting them) and have many times put him in an awkward position with his boss (for example, by not informing him of the organization’s meetings). His boss is also a terrible leader, as he completely depends on these secretaries to be informed about everything that happens in the office, to the point where he believes them above everyone else’s testimony (once, Darling Husband was called by his boss because one of the secretary had told him that Darling Husband wasn’t working, which was not the case and Darling Husband had to prove his boss that he had been working). Darling Husband has tried being nice to them, taking treats to his office (cake, donuts, etc.) and sharing them with his co-workers, participating in their social events (inside work birthday parties), offering to help them if they need any extra help (photocopies), and even told his boss he would be willing to take up more team-work oriented jobs (for which he was told he wasn’t needed).
Darling Husband is a very social person, so being rejected by all his co-workers took a huge toll on him (his only friends belong to other departments so he doesn’t get to spend much time with them). After many weeks feeling this way, he decided he would just stop caring about the people, working hard on his duties and only being polite when addressed at. Things were looking hopeful, until about two weeks ago when his boss had a great idea: implement 24-hour shifts once per week. Oh! May I add these extra-hours won’t be paid, DH’s job has no room for growing (nor for increasing his paycheck), the work isn’t something related with DH’s work (those 24-hours are invested in activities not related with his current job), and he is expected to go back to work the next day.
Darling Husband had no other choice. He was the first to start the 24-hour shift (because none of his co-workers wanted to start that Saturday), and the next week he was tricked by another co-worker to trade days with her. I say tricked because the day that woman was working was a holiday, but Darling Husband didn’t know (the organization doesn’t respect most holidays) so instead of having a long weekend like the rest of his co-workers, Darling Husband had to work all Friday thru Saturday, then rest Sunday, and go back to work on Monday. I got mad because Fiance hasn’t had a holiday in the last three months as he wasn’t given spring break, despite the fact that no one else on his office worked those days. May I also add that the boss NEVER takes 24-hours shifts, and that some of his co-workes have been assaulted while working those extra-hours (they have to attend dometic violence calls and break the fight, so I don’t know why Darling Husband has to participate as he is a lawyer and is not allowed -by orders of the boss- to offer legal assistance)
But the worse is not that! The worse is that yesterday, Darling Husband was told he was going to be moved to another department (which is much further and in a very dangerous place -a lot of crimes happen there). Since Darling Husband doesn’t have a job, this means taking another bus and putting him at risk (he leaves work late and makes two hours to get home). When he asked why he was being moved, his boss gave no answers and just said it was what what had to be done. Darling Husband later found out that, apparently, the boss had hired a friend and was giving him DH’s old office and duties (instead of, like, having them work together) so Darling Husband was pushed faraway because they can’t fire him because of his relationship with his relative. Even MORE worse, is that it seems the 24-hours’ shifts will only apply to some co-workers, him and four or five other being the choosen ones. From these, the woman will be allow to leave earlier (having only a 12-hour shift) while the men will stay at the office attending anyone who needs legal or psychological help, and attenting to domestic violence calls when needed. Oh! and on top if it the “resting day” after a 24-hous shift will disapear, so Darling Husband will have to work 24-hours, go home, rest six to seven hours, and go back to work…at no additional cost or benefit!
Darling Husband is really frustrated because now not only does he have to deal with being rejected (by his own boss) but he will be working a lot of extra-hours in activities that he hasn’t been trained for (these are actually police duties) and that will do nothing for his curriculum, no increase on his salary, and under the leadership of a boss who doesn’t even tell him anything (all of these choices were made while he was attending a case outside the office yesterday afternoon). He is holding on to this job because he wants to buy a car, for which he does need the job’s money, but at the same time the workplace is becoming a dreadful place.
Every morning I see his depressed face while he leaves home to work, and when he comes back he always has a story to tell. He has even cried out of the rumous that had been spread about him (people calling him fat and disgusting behing him -while he can still listen to them!). It is breaking my heart out seeing him this way and I really-really want to kick his boss’ ass. Somedays he tells me that he never thought work could make someone so miserable, and he misses his old job (he used to work at a call-center for a couple of months because we needed the money and that was the first job he found). He worked long hours there too, but at least he got paid extra-cash for them and his co-workers where always nice or, at the very least, polite towards him.
I have told him to quit. I have insisted we can live out of my scholarship while he gets a new job. But he feels that quitting is being weak -he wonders if this is reality and if he should just be strong. He also feels that he would be failing me if he quits, as he is currently able to spoil me (I have told him many times that he would never fail me for quitting such a toxic place). I know he wants to quit, but I guess he is scared he might not find another job. He has considered looking for another job while being in this one, but with such 24-hour shifts and working from 8 to 6 pm, there is not much time for going to interviews (he doesn’t get free days).
So…what can I tell him? I have only worked once in my life, and I have no friends who have worked and quit their jobs (despite being overworked and paid for much less than what they were doing -at least they got the chance to grow inside their companies), to know if a toxic place is a valid reason to quit a job. I am hoping you bees can help me with your experience and advice.
Should I continue to encourage him to leave his job and find something better/else? Or should I just be strong and support him while he continues on this job because this is how real life is?
Thanks, and sorry for the long reading.