Post # 1
My husband and I got married last year. He works in construction/landscape and has been working on building his own business for the last few years. From early spring to late fall he usually works 7 days a week (normal work week and for himself on weekends). I work a regular full time job and bring in good income. I am SO glad he’s a hard worker and TRULY appreciate him creating a future/following his dreams and providing for us and our future family. I also realize he would prefer to be spending the weekend with me rather than working so hard. But I get pretty lonely. I try to busy myself with hobbies, friends and family, and I actually often enjoy me time, but I really miss having my husband around. Most days we end up seeing each other for a couple hours in the evening.. and he’s exhausted. He understands I feel this way and tries to be compassionate, but it also leads to a lot of tension in our relationship. We both want to start a family – but I can’t imagine raising a baby alone and I don’t see him slowing down anytime soon…. so my dream of being a mom is on hold until… I don’t know when. Is anyone else in this situation? How do you cope? I’m trying to look at it like there’s an end goal of him not working 7 days a week but I don’t know how long until that’s a reality. He can’t quit his regular job yet (that’s the goal) as that’s one of our main sources of income and his business is primarily seasonal. Anyone else in the same boat? Advice appreciated <3
Post # 2
Have you expressed all this to him? Clearly, and word for word.
FH works 60 hour weeks generally speaking (7-5) but he spends at least Saturday and every dinner with me. We agreed on this a year ago when he took a promotion as the head of his department. We didn’t care about more money at the expense of our relationship.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
I definitely know how you feel. My husband and I used to work for the same company. He slowly became an executive and then part owner so his work week was Monday through Saturday. Usually 8am-8 or 9pm or so. He worked about 80 hours a week. I did everything for the house including cooking and cleaning. It was a lot on both of us. It was also a really toxic environment where the CEO expected my husband to be available 24/7 and would get pissed if my husband didn’t answer on the first ring.
We talked a lot on how that wasn’t our “forever” situation. Basically, before we would start trying for a baby, he would need to work less. I told him I wasn’t comfortable having a child in a situation where I’d feel like an only parent. We kind of made an exit plan. I found another job and then my husband did a few months later. We made sure we had health insurance, our new jobs were stable, etc. before we ttc.
It was a little hard because I think we were ready earlier to ttc other than our job situation. But what’s great is you can plan on your future, what hours you’re both comfortable working and save up money so everything will be less stressful!
Post # 4
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
my husband is a teacher. So he tends to work late nights prepping and grading as well as over the weekend. I myself am in social work and do take work home. We do though take some evenings and 1 weekend day to spend it between us. We have made it work. Im not gonna lie. It took balancing out what we needed work wise and home wise, and found what we needed to do on our weeknights/weekends for work, and for eachother. A convo for sure should happen if it hasnt happened yet.
best of luck bee!
Post # 5
I think the problem here is there doesn’t seem to be a hard deadline / exit strategy. If you know this is going to be your life for the next two years- at which point your husband will either a) make his entrepreneurial activities his career and quit his job or b) give up on his entrepreneurial projects and focus on the 9-5 it might be a lot easier to handle.
For example, if I’m working on my masters and working full time- we both know it’s over once I graduate- so there is an end date in sight.
I don’t think it’s fair to you to have a timeline that is “sometime in the future”
Post # 6
thanks bees for the feedback. It’s really nice to have snippets of everyone’s input. We talked a bit more about it the other day and he’s going to try to leave Sunday’s open and not work. Hopefully the family discussion can evolve and progress as we navigate his work life balance. Thank you again <3
Post # 7
Ahhh I feel you. My SO is glued to his work. It’s hard sometimes. I agree with PP, that we make an effort to have dinner together and the weekend.