(Closed) Husband yelling and cursing after nagging, sad and confused

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

 

View original reply
makemake:  i would have to argue or dispute the word “Violent” i dont agree with its definition and view violence a physical action and not verbal. i would describe it as agressive.

I proberly wont be liked for this comment but if you kick a dog enough times and it gets angry its agressive, if it bites you then it is violent..? just my view.. if you dont like then pls just ignore..

Post # 32
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
makemake:  

 

ITA.

Post # 33
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

#1, leave him. The bees saying stay are not being wise. this behavior will lead to physical abuse soon enough. #2, you’ve been married a year. Why are you asking for advice on a wedding site? Aren’t there other forums dedicated to helping with abusive spouses? Just wondering…

Post # 34
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Mistress_K:  Dispute it all you want, but screaming insults at ones spouse is verbal abuse (verbal violence).

Post # 35
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
eccarpen:  Fiance and I don’t fight. That’s not to say we don’t argue, but we don’t ever raise our voices to each other, and we certainly don’t insult or swear. We’re each other’s best friend- why would we speak to each other like that?

I don’t know what to say because everyone has their own rules and threshholds and deal breakers. All I know is that if Fiance were to speak like that or shout at me, it better be because my life was in danger, because we both have zero tolerance for belittling and disrespect.

Post # 36
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
sarahalthea: Woah!  People lose their temper sometimes.  OP has admitted that she pushed him.  He tried to walk away and rather than be the bigger person and let him go and calm down, she had to keep going! Yes people don’t deserve to be yelled at, but if it’s once in a blue moon as she has implied, then it’s more than forgivable!  He hasn’t laid a finger on her.  I feel your post belittles those who do suffer from domestic violence.  What if a mum is getting annoyed at her child and cracks it and yells at them?  Should she have her children taken away from her?  

Post # 37
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
makemake:  Technically she was verbally abusive too.  Verbal abuse doesn’t have to mean shouting.

Post # 38
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
nessdawwg:  What are you talking about??? I think I clearly stated that WE BOTH have a zero tolerance policy on any form at arguing that includes insulting, hurting, or disrespecting. And WHO do YOU think YOU are to imply that somehow I belittle domestic violence, as if I may have never had it in my life??

I’ve dated jerks, I have a dysfunctional family, and I have a temper. But I decided long before I met Fiance that any relationship I have has to be safe and loving and balanced, even when tempers flare. I’m lucky I met someone who has those same values, but it isn’t an accident. It’s HARD work that I put in over many years, thousands of dollars in counseling, and purposefully developing relationships with healthy people and severing ties with people that make my life unhealthy. My Fiance is my best friend. WHY in the world would I ever want to hurt my best friend??? Screaming and shouting is just not OK in our house. Our rules are simple: say what you are feeling, when you feel it, give each other space to cool down, think it out/get it out, listen, and forgive and forget- all without swearing, name calling, threatening, intimidating, or shouting. Those are OUR rules. We are grownups- we know how to cool off without going for blood, figuratively and literally. 

And I’ll also note, that I actually didn’t advocate she do anything, but merely gave a perspective, MY perspective, on a healthy relationship. 

Post # 39
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

 

View original reply
nessdawwg:  

1 – she did nothing physical to keep him from walking away (which he should have done!).

2 – physically abusive relationships often start as verbally abusive ones.

3 – if I ever saw a mom scream “**** YOU!!!” At their child I would probably keep watching and pull up the number for CPS.

Post # 40
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
sarahalthea:  Woah, I am so sorry, I tagged the wrong person! I had nothing against what you had to say so sorry!  I meant that for the person who said she should leave him straight away! 

  • This reply was modified 6 years ago by  nessdawwg.
Post # 41
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
nessdawwg:  oh… Ok! whoops, all is forgiven!

Post # 42
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
makemake: 

1. When he was walking away, she should have accepted that meant he was going away to cool down.  She exasperated the situation.  

2. “Verbally abusive relationships” is usually a pattern of behaviour.  Not 3-4 times in 7 years. irregardless, it does automatically mean it will descend into violence.  Lastly, I repeat, she was also verbally abusive.

3. The best parents I know have lost it at their children at some point, with something alone the lines of “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST F******* DO WHAT I ASKED??”  They have felt bad of course and apologised after, but children, partners and anyone else can push your buttons sometimes, past what you can handle.  

Post # 43
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
sarahalthea:  Sorry again! Thankyou 🙂

Post # 44
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
MrsPanda99:  +1000 I don’t see swearing as a big deal. I say fuck and I’d rather be sworn at than nagged. Also sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling stop, stop, stop, seems childish

The topic ‘Husband yelling and cursing after nagging, sad and confused’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors