- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
I love my husband with all my heart. We generally are pretty darn compatible. My issue is with the small percent of the time that he just blows up at me and yells. He’ll never cuss at/about me but he cusses when he yells and cusses and I don’t deal well with yelling, I tend to shut down.
Yesterday evening we were out for a walk and I was expressing my thoughts about something when he interupted me and raised his voice to tell me I was w rong and made a big fuss without letting me actually finish my sentence. I took a deep breath and said “you didnt even let me finish my thought ” … I waited and he didnt respond to even apologize for blowing up at me… I waited another few seconds and said again “Hey, you didnt even let me finish and you started interjecting and yelling” and he then yelled far more louder and said “then f-ing say it already!!!! you want to say it then finish your thoughttttt!” I let the situation cool down for a few minutes and then told him that I dont feel loved or cared for when you blow up at me, especially when we are out for a walk out in public. He said he yelled because I antagonized him as he says I usually do. He said it was my fault too and it wasnt a one way street. His reasoning was that when he yelled and interupted me, I should have stayed quiet for a minute so that he would have apologized instead of saying “you didnt let me even finish” 2 or 3 times. I explained to him that it seemed pretty absurd to me to be interupted and yelled at, then have to wait quietly for 30 seconds to a minute for him to aplogize when all I kept saying was “wow, you didnt even let me finish” to give him the hint that it was really wrong and hurtful. He blew up and said “yes everything is ALWAYS my fault, you are perfect, you never do anything wrong. Every fight it my fault, I’m a horrible person!” (in a very sarcastic tone) and ignored me all night.
Was I wrong for not saying quiet? Did I antagonize him? Is this my fault? When we normally argue, I am first to come to him and want to make things right, but I am so tired of the yelling. I’ve told him that it makes me feel like a little child, and I’m his wife not his child. I have told him after arugements and after he apologizes that if he ever yells at me again, I will simply walk away from him because I do not want to be in that situation. Yet when he yells and becomes even angrier and if I’m the one that walks away, he becomes enraged and demands I walk back into the room to “finish the conversation” and says I’m running away. I don’t know what else to do. If I tell him he is wrong for yelling, his response is always that I do something or another to drive him to yell and cuss.
Is yelling and cussing at your spouse and snapping at them ever okay? Could it be that I am the cause of this? I never ever intentionally do things to upset him. I love my husband and I know he loves me, but I don’t know how to make this behavior stop. Please help me out with your advice.
Update: I think I should have been more specific. By not very frequest, I meant not every day, more like a couple of times a week. Also, after he blew up at me, he went into our guest bedroom where he spent the night and has refused to speak to me or leave the room.