(Closed) Husband Yells – Sad and Confused

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, I admit I yell AND I cuss when I get pissed, and it gets worse the more my husband shuts me out, and he shuts me out more the more i yell. Is it ok? No. is it ok that he walls me off? No… We both have poor communication skills at times and we both say and do things we should’t. It doesn’t make us bad people, and it doesn’t mean we don’t have a happy loving marriage otherwise. We’ve gone to counseling and worked on it, it’s a continued work in progress actually. It’s hard to recognize in the moment what you are doing, and that it’s not ok, and even if you DO recognize it, it’s not always easy to just change the behavior. You guys need to work through your communication issues as a couple. Both of you are likely doing things to make the situation worse.

Post # 47
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What constitutes emotional abuse? Yelling, cusing, how frequent does it have to be? I have no answers, just questions.

Post # 48
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

 

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nancyclarissa: emotional abuse is putting someone down, making them feel worthless etc. Verbal abuse is usually the same kind of thing but expressed in yelling and voice. It can also just be yelling about any kind of crap designed to make the other person feel upset and fearful. For example yelling about how much they want to hurt a pet or yelling about the pet’s behaviour.  

Post # 49
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@truffle-hunter – how frequent does it have to be? if swearing or throwing something is included what does that mean?

Post # 50
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
nancyclarissa:  there is no ‘minimum’ frequency. But different contexts will consider it differently. For example, the police may have their own thresholds for what constitutes pre-requisite violence for obtaining an ‘AVO’ or restraining order. The family courts will consider the violence in different ways again. Is there a specific context you are wondering about? 

Post # 51
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whenever we argue he gets visibly very angry and usually yells or says something that completely shuts me down like “you’ve lost your turn to talk,” which only makes me more isolated or “that’s it, I’m done, we’re getting divorced.” He doesn’t have any relationship, communication skills interpersonally so he explodes, but each explosions wears on me more and more and I’m just tired of dealing with someone who can’t handle their own life, emotions, schedule and blows up at me.

Post # 52
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

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nycsa:  I feel exactly the same… I’m over the fighting over irrelevant stuff, most of the time it’s not that serious.

Post # 53
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

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nycsa:  I feel exactly the same… I’m over the fighting over irrelevant stuff, most of the time it’s not that serious.

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nycsa:  I have general anxiety disorder now from growing up with constant fighting. It’s very difficult to cope with relationships… I’m 34 & just tired.

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