(Closed) Husband's Best Friend Died Suddenly

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m so sorry.

Everyone grieves differently. I would express my sympathy to him and then just be there for him. He may need some space or alone time to process it. He may want to talk to you about his friend. You just don’t know, but I would try to be present for him when he needs you. Prepare yourself; it can be emotional for you too. I think our first instinct is to want to “care for” someone and hover, which they may find comforting but just as often may find to be too much. It sounds like you have an open and strong relationships already, so I would draw on your normal communication style. Tell him that you are there for him and let him let you know what he needs. 

Post # 3
Member
47343 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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bahamutangel:  Just be there and listen. It’s really all you can do.

Post # 4
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Just love him. That’s all you need to do.

Post # 5
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Help your husband cherish his memories with his friend. Memories are important, and we should remember our loved ones who are gone because they are and will always be a part of our lives.

Post # 7
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
bahamutangel:  You love him and you know his needs more than anyone here. I think you made the best decision about the party. I woud just love on him by making sure he has what he needs without asking (meals ready, tidy home, a comfortable place to grieve without worrying about what needs to be done). I get married in 7 days and just lost my uncle, who I expected the wedding to be the last time I saw him….my fiance stepped in to make to handle laundry and suggested I not worry about meals. He would ask me about my uncle and encourage me to share with him the memories that mean the most to me. I think it helped him to feel my sadness so he could help bear it with me, but it also helped me to remember the good memories. My fiance lost his aunt a month ago and I did the same thing, asked him to share his memories of her (a few days after her passing) canceled work to take him to her funeral, etc. 

You know what’s best bee, you’re his lifelong partner. Your love for him will comfort him through his pain. I am very sorry for both of your loss.

Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
bahamutangel:  It sounds like you are “getting it right” just because you are caring enough to approach it like this. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3970 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
bahamutangel:  So sorry for your husband’s loss 🙁 It can be hard to comfort anyone when they lose a loved one, so sometimes you just have to show them that you’re there for them and even ask what you can do to help. It sounds like you’re doing a good job already by skipping out on the party and spending that quality time together. Just keep on being sensitive to his needs at this time, I’m sure he’ll appreciate it 🙂 

Post # 11
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

So sorry to hear about this .

It really is a difficult time, and it will have its toll on both of you. It’s good to see that you guys have spent some time together talking about it, and I think that’s all you can really do. Let him know you’re there for him, and everything will eventually pass.

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

This actually happened to my Fiance 6 months ago. One of his groomsmen went to sleep and never woke up. He was only 25. Just be there for him, however he may need you to be. Like PP’s said, the fact that you are concerned about getting it right, means you’re on track. I’m so sorry for his loss.

Post # 13
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
bahamutangel:  I’m so sorry and you are so kind. Just the fact that you want to know how to best support your husband shows how supportive and caring you are. I am sure your husband feels it and appreciates it. When my husband’s father passed away, I tried to just be there and listen when he wanted to talk. I saw another poster mentioned their partner did little things to help her out, like laundry and cooking. That’s a nice idea, too. Best wishes to you both, this has to be super hard. 

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