Post # 1
My husband and I aren’t yet pregnant but have been trying a while now to conceive, which is upsettingfor us both anyway. We have already decided on a name for a boy and a name for a girl. The boy name we have chose we both love and I in fact have dreamt about calling a baby boy it my whole life! We have both been very vocal about our name choice to both my mother in law, father in law, sister in law and brother in law! Anyway my brother in law and sister in law gave birth to the first grandchild in the family a day ago and it was a boy! At first it didn’t have a name as they apparently couldn’t agree on one and then they suddenly announced it and it was the exact name we wanted! I know they are the first to have a real live baby and that we might not even conceive a boy but I feel like they have stuck a knife through my heart t a real semsitive time for me anyway and now I’m totally devastated about it and just want to know if I’m right to feel this way? I just don’t know how I can face it all – my husband said to still call our child the same name if we have a boy as we have decided this long ago and they have never even said they like that name when we have mentioned it before! but I think it would be silly 2 brothers calling their kids the exact same name and feel the name has now been ruined as its caused me so much heartache!
Post # 3
I’m sorry but if you’re not pregnant, you can’t “dibs” a name. Maybe think of another you like and keep it a secret. Best of luck on TTC.
Post # 4
A similar thing happened to us. I think it’s normal to be a little shocked at first, but with time you will move on. Don’t sweat the small stuff! 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center
@Reedyd: I can see it from both sides. I do think that it was a little insensitive of them to name their child the same name that you wanted, but at the same time, maybe they really did like the name. They did have their child first (again, I’m not saying it’s right), so they got the name. It really sucks, and I do think that you should say something, just to try and understand what their thought process was for doing it.
As far as naming your son the same thing. I don’t see any reason why you can’t. My younger brother’s name is Brandon Carl and my parents claimed that name in front of the whole family. However, my aunt had her son mere hours before my brother was born and she used it because she decided she also like it. So in my family there are two Brandon Carls born on the same day. It’s weird, but it works. The Brandon’s actually loved having the same name and tried to make people believe they were actually the same person in two bodies (weirdos, lol).
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. TTC is already stressful enough, without something like this happening. This is why Mr. D and I are keeping our names to ourselves so hopefully none of the name taking would happen! Hugs dear!
Post # 6
Well you can’t help how you feel – and no feeling is ever wrong – its how you feel. I can see why you would be feeling very hurt right now. Unfortunately you can’t turn back the clock and they have used the name. All you can do is give yourself some time to feel a bit sad about it (maybe watch some sappy movies with your SO, cuddle on the couch and eat some chocolate and cry). When you have your own little one you can decide then if you still want to use the name (you never know how you will feel in time).
Hope you are feeling better soon
Post # 7
That stinks…I’m sorry. 🙁 I’ve seen this happen to a lot of friends and they’ve all advised, don’t share the name before birth for this reason.
Post # 8
I’m dying to know what the name is!
Post # 9
I don’t know what the name is but I say go ahead and keep it anyways. A couple of scenarios from my family…
I have one nephew named David, three cousins named David. My brothers name is David and I have one Grandfather and three Uncles named David. Lot’s of Davids and everything is fine. No one gets upset when they name another child David.
But my Grandfather whose name is David named his first son David Jr. He had three total children with my Grandmother before leaving. When he left he met another woman and got married. Their first son he named David Jr. That’s crossing the line.
I know David is a common name and if the name you are thinking of is more unique it may be a bit more difficult but none the less if you like the name use it. It’s like going into a store (ok not quite but I’ll say it anyways) and finding a pair of gorgeous shoes. You’re standing in line ready to buy the shoes but someone you know just bought them first. Will you put them back or rock them out anyways?
You do have a right to get upset, you have a right to feel any way you feel. And I understand where you are coming from and why you feel upset, but don’t let them take away a name you’re in love with, it’s YOUR child, he deserves the name you pick for him and it wont make him any less special if someone else has the name first because I assure you someone somewhere in this world had the name before your nephew in law
Post # 10
@Mrs. Doily: Thank you for your mail reallyappreciate your kind words. I have been crying lots and lots and feel awful as this should be a happy time for everyone and I’m just making it miserable but just can’t stop feeling so hurt about it and knowing everytime I go to the in laws they will be talking about the baby which is going to make it worse for me!
Post # 11
@Milk and Honey: same here! OP, please tell us!
Post # 12
@Milk and Honey: James Edward initials would JEM they have called theirs James Frank
Post # 13
Who says you can’t call dibs if you’re not pregnant? If you’ve been vocal for a while that’s a name that you definitely want if you have that gender and it’s important to you, your family should frickin respect that. I think your BIL pulled a real dick move. It’s not a race to whoever has a baby first gets the name… it’s about not being an asshole to your family members. I disagree entirely with PP who have said you don’t have the right to be upset. You were vocal about your intent and are TTC.
I guess I’m totally in the minority but I think you absolutely can call dibs on a name, at least within your family.
I think you should keep the name anyway. As PP have mentioned, it’s not uncommon to see the same name in a lot of families.
I’m really sorry this has been so upsetting to you and I hope you feel better. 🙁
Post # 14
I am really sorry this happened to you.
This happened to me too- my brother and his wife took both the first and middle name I had wanted. I felt silly at the time being upset because I was only 19 and nowhere near ready to get married. My niece is now 10 and the best kid ever. Of course I still love her name but it still bothers me how it happened. I focus on the positive that she is blessed with a beautiful name and have not ruled out using it as well if I have a daughter someday. I do not think it is weird for cousins to have the same name if you decide you want to use the name as well.
Post # 15
I know you can’t call “dibs” on baby names but if you were very vocal to your whole family about a name you love, and it isn’t a family name and they never spoke up saying” we love that name too, or we wanted to call our son that also” then I think thats a pretty crappy thing to do. You can’t change it now, but I am really sorry I know it is easy to get attatched to a name you love. Best of luck TTC and in the mean time start brainstorming new names and try your best to move forward and enjoy your new nephew.
Post # 16
I know it seems silly to call “dibs” on a name, but isn’t it also a little silly to hear someone constantly say how much they love a name and then use it anyway?
I dont know, somethings weird about that.