(Closed) Husbands brother and wife called their son the name we wanted

posted 8 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Is it for a brother to choose same baby name that other brother had already chose?

    Yes - fine whoever has the child first should have the name

    No- if the name had clearly been stated they should have picked another name

    Both brothers can call their children the same name regardless

  • Post # 47
    Member
    5398 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think that was really crappy of them honestly, but you can still use it, especially because its such a common name and some people go by jimmy, Jim, James, etc. Don’t freak because you may not think James fits your baby boy, should you have one. I get being upset, and I’m sure I would be too, but it will be ok!

    Post # 48
    Member
    772 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Do your Brother-In-Law and SIL do this kind of stuff a lot?  Maybe they didn’t realize how it would come across, or maybe they are just generally a holes.  I think they shouldn’t have used a name you told them you wanted to use.  It might be different if it was a family name (e.g. first born son takes ______), but this just seems needlessly mean to do to someone who is struggling with TTC.

    Reminds me of my friend’s sister, who was a very jealous person.  She finally got her to show her a picture of an engagement ring she liked.  A week later her boyfriend had proposed to her, and she had the exact ring (that she had made her Boyfriend or Best Friend buy her).  Some people are just like that I guess.  Keep your other names close to the vest.  

    Post # 49
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m sorry, but you can’t be upset over someone in the family naming their kid the same name you’d been daydreaming of.

    You’re not pregnant, and no guarantee you’ll have a boy if you get pregnant; the name in question (James) is pretty common; and there’s no reason two cousins can’t gave the same name anyway. Especially when there’s so many nicknames for James.

    My sister and I have the same FIRST name. Same mom, same dad. They just gave us the same name. It isn’t the end of the world.

    You have to get over this one.

    Post # 50
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    You can’t call dibs on a name…. 

     

    And naming two boys in the family the same name is strange.. DH’s Aunty and a cousin did this. It’s strange.

    Post # 51
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee

    I hope you feel better!! Don’t take it too personally. Some of my in laws could care less how I feel or think because they are in their own world and they think mostly about their own immediate family. It was more of them being insensitive towards you and your husband rather than trying to steal your future lovely babies names from you.

    A possibility could be that they don’t even know they have hurt you this much because (again) they are wrapped up in their own world. So maybe you should just ask why they picked the name James to get a reason or some closure. If it has a special meaning to them. The sister in law could have a relative you don’t know about. James is a very common name.

    I personally have learned to not take anything my in laws do too seriously or personally because at the end of the day they have their family and we have ours.

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d say screw it and call your baby the same thing if you like it…maybe just choose a different middle name.

    I’ve always liked a certain name and I found out my FI’s niece has the same name (but she’s 10 so it’s not like her mother/FI’s sister specifically chose it to spite us). I said “Oh no, now we can’t call our potential daughter that” and he said “Uh, why not? It’s just a name…we can call our child whatever we want to.” He was right..but don’t tell him that, he’ll get cocky Wink

    Post # 53
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee

    If that’s the name you have your heart set on and down the road you have your own little boy then go ahead and use it. Don’t beat yourself up over it. There are several people in my extended family with the same name and there has never been any confusion, it has always worked out well. Best of luck to you.

    Post # 55
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Welp, that confirms it for me, I’m not telling anyone what names we like!

    Post # 56
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I can understand WHY you are upset even if you aren’t pregnant.  My exH was a Jr. and we didn’t want a III so we were gonna give our future first son my ex’s name as a middle name.  SIL (his only sibling) had a son out of wedlock and gave her son the name we were gonna use.  When I asked her why she did it (months later), she informed me that she didn’t know if I’d ever be able to get pregnant (we weren’t even married) and wanted the family name to carry on.

    James seems like a pretty common name and I’d stick with the name as well.  You can call him Jim or Jimmy as a nickname if you want or maybe they will.  My mom has just 2 brothers that each only had 1 son….and named both Michael so I guess it’s a common thing to do.  

    Brother-In-Law and his Fiance are expecting their first next spring and DH and I have been trying for over a year….we have a few names picked out and I can say if they used one of those names I’d be upset.  But then again, I’ve been TTC for 9 years and I’ve gone through a laundry list of names….and I’m sick of changing them b/c someone else gets KU’d before me and uses one of the names.  ((HUGS))

    Post # 57
    Member
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would be upset too.

    They obviously felt that there was no such thing as dibs, so that applies to their son’s name too! If you do end up having a son, you are well within your right to name him James as well. The people who will end up feeling “less special” about the name will be them, not you.

    Post # 58
    Member
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’m sorry but you are being a little ridiculous. It’s a very common name and you aren’t pregnant so even if you’ve vocally “claimed dibs” you were unlikely to be taken seriously. Suck it up and worry about your baby names when you give birth.

    Post # 59
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @SpecialSundae:  I think this is really harsh considering that part of the reason OP is sensitive seems to be because she is struggling with TTC. 

    Post # 60
    Member
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    View original reply
    @DeadlyNightshade:  It is harsh but it is true. If I’d gone off on one at my cousin (who just gave birth) for “stealing my baby name”, I would be the one seen as being in the wrong, not her.

    Post # 61
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @SpecialSundae:  I’m sorry, but telling someone to suck it up when they are struggling with TTC is just messed up. Plenty of people disagreed with OP without being so harsh.

    Someone close to them using the name of the child that she’s trying so hard to make happen must be like rubbing salt in a wound. 

    Since you used yourself as an example, I’m assuming you’re also having problems TTC? Sympathize, even if you don’t agree. 

    The topic ‘Husbands brother and wife called their son the name we wanted’ is closed to new replies.

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