(Closed) Husbands brother and wife called their son the name we wanted

posted 8 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Is it for a brother to choose same baby name that other brother had already chose?

    Yes - fine whoever has the child first should have the name

    No- if the name had clearly been stated they should have picked another name

    Both brothers can call their children the same name regardless

  • Post # 77
    Member
    9773 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    That was incredibly insensitive of them IMO, but I think you can still name your child the same name without it being weird. If it was a super unique name I could see it being a bit odd maybe, but James is a very nice traditional name.

    Post # 78
    Hostess
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    No one “owns” a name.  They were free to use the name, just like you are free to name any future baby boy you may have the same name.  That’s just my $.02.

    Post # 79
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    IMO, you can’t call dibs on a name if you aren’t pregnant.  They had a baby first and have every right to name their baby what they want.  Sorry you are upset about it though.

    That said, they didn’t even “steal” the whole name you wanted.  They chose a really common first name (James) with a totally different middle name.  If you still like James Edward and have a boy, name him James Edward.  No big deal.

    Post # 80
    Member
    6036 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    View original reply
    @happyface:  I would most definitely be correcting someone if they chose to call my child frank when I named him something else as his first name. You call my child what I call my child. I was very strict about that with my son. His name is matthew, so call him that. Not matt, matty, etc. its matthew. It’s not rude that they used the name. Insensitive? maybe, considering that the OP is struggling to concieve. But there is no such thing as dibs on a name. Especially a common classic boys name like James.

    View original reply
    @FauxBoho:  Im super close with my sisters and we all have known each other’s baby names but if we both loved the same name I doubt we would cause drama over it or that there would be hard feelings if we both used it. Actually my sister and I did spend a brief period of time both loving the name madison for a girl. It never once was talked about in a negative way that we may both one day have daughters with that name. We did joke about how it would be funny if they grew up close like we were so we could call em M&M though 🙂 So I don’t think its true that every sibling set works like that. My sisters and I don’t.

    Post # 81
    Member
    3196 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think if you really love it you should still use it. Pretty much no matter what you do, you will always have people around you with the same name or something similar. Why don’t you just use what makes you happy and think to yourself every time they say their kid’s name that you are brilliant for being the inspiration?!

    Post # 82
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    James is SUCH a common name (especially in my family– say “Jim” and half the men look up, and the other half will look up if you use some form of “Robert”– in honor of them all, one of my nephews is named Robert James, and when my sister was pregnant, they wanted her to name him James Robert, but she chose James as a middle name and did a completely different first name).  And they didn’t use the middle name you chose, so it doesn’t sound like they were actively trying to “steal” it.  You are, of course, entitled to your emotions, but I think you’ll be fine using the same name should you have a boy.

    Post # 83
    Member
    7769 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    My sister called a name a long time ago, so I never considered it, out of courteousy- even though I like the name.  But at the same time, you can’t realy “call” a name- I mean, people are going to do what they are going to do as their kids pop out.  That is another reason I am keeping my choices quiet.  If you really want that name, then just name your own child that name. 

    Post # 84
    Member
    1769 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I can see both sides, but I guess I would have never told anyone the names I was set on because I know these things happen way too often. Sorry, but I would find another boy name.

    Post # 85
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I’d be annoyed, too, if I vocalized the name I wanted to use and somebody in my close circle beat me to it.  That’s why I keep my top choices to myself IRL.

    … But they haven’t done anything wrong.  You can’t dibs a name for a son that hasn’t been conceived and may never be conceived.  If you do have a son and still love the name James, there’s nothing to stop you from using it too.  If it were a really unusual name it might be weird to have two cousins with the same first name, but James is in the SSI top 10.  There was zero likelihood of your future son being the only James around anyway.

    Post # 86
    Member
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    I know everyone says there are no dibs on names and whatever, fine, but that was still a super duper shitty thing of them to do. I’d choose a different name. 🙁

    Post # 87
    Member
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    people can name their kids whatever the hell they want, no one can reserve a name

     

    Post # 88
    Member
    1990 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Reedyd:  eeep I’m really very symbolic and I would be just as upset as you. It was the name you as a couple wanted and something you deserved. I feel so sorry for you guys & that your Brother-In-Law did not respect that YOUR choice for the name…

    The least they could have done was ask… ESP cuz THEY KNEW you wanted it.

    I don’t see the point of having cousins of the same name. It would end up being a contstant mix-up and one of them would inevitably be called something else to distinguish them so that defeats the purpose of them having the same name anyway…

    There are lots of names out there… and there are lots of beautiful choices so I would choose something else and just be more secretive about your choice…

    My photographer’s told family the sex of their baby and the first initial of the name (aka baby R) but will not tell anyone the full name until she is born… I think its a great idea and kinda fun to guess about so I would go with that next time…

    Hopefully you have a girl and can have that name you’ve always wanted instead!

    Post # 89
    Member
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    It may be annoying, but you can not “reserve” a name. That being said, you could use the same name and one party could use a nickname. Or find another awesome name and use the one you wanted as the middle name. Besides, you might not even have a boy! Ask my best friend – she had FIVE girls in a row and gave up trying for a boy!

    For some reason, this thread reminded me of a friend. They had a dog named Travis. When their boy was born they named HIM Travis too!

    Post # 90
    Member
    887 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Given that you know that your Brother-In-Law and SIL were indecicive on a name before they settled on ‘yours’, and that they knew you guys wanted to use that name and have been TTC for a while, I get that you are upset and it is pretty inconsiderate of them. I’m sorry you are feeling crappy about this and I hope you just name your potential future son whatever you want to name him. However, unless these people are absolutely nuts, they did not name their child James just to be mean to you. This is the name that the person they brought into the world will have forever – they named him James because they love the name, and perhaps because when they first laid eyes on their new son, he looked like a James. Don’t take it as if it’s about you. 

    However, I have to weigh into the ‘no it is not cool do ‘dibs’ names for not-yet-conceived babies’ camp.

    Reasons why I don’t think it’s ok:

    1. Not everybody has names picked out for their potential future offspring for months or years before they TTC. This is a fun pastime for some people, but not everybody thinks this far ahead. Heck, some people don’t even name their child until after they meet them for the first time – at that point they just ‘know’ what the child’s name should be. Do these types of people have less right to certain names compared to people who fantasize for years about names they want to give their imaginary children? I don’t think so. 

    2. Lots of people prefer to keep their chosen names a secret until after their baby has been born and named. Sure, they might tell you they just don’t know yet – but probably just to avoid being badgered about it! If you march up to someone like this and say “I am going to name MY future baby XYZ, just so ya know!”… what if that is the same name that person had been secretly planning for the whole time? Do they have less right to use the name because they chose to be private about it and you didn’t? I don’t think so.

    3. When you haven’t conceived a child yet, there is a lot of time (at least 9 months!) between now and when your child will exist and require a name. A lot can happen in those 9 months. What if you break up with your current partner and start a life with someone new, who does not share your name choices? What if someone close to you dies, and you change your mind and want to name your child after them as a tribute? What if in the meantime you just find a name you like better? The child does not exist yet and won’t for a while. So much can happen, and yet you ‘dibs’ers expect everyone close to you to just shy away from the names you ‘shottied’, in case you end up using them? I think it’s a bit immature to expect that of people. 

    I am pretty sure I will keep my potential baby names very close to my chest. On the off chance that I do decide to share them, I might be a bit bummed out if somebody had a baby first and named it ‘my’ name (probably my own fault for telling them and giving them the idea!), but I certainly would not feel like they took something that was mine to be taken! That’s silly. You can name your child whatever you want and so can anyone else. 

    Post # 91
    Member
    2539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    That really sucks.

    But you could invert it and use Edward James instead if you have a boy, that sounds like a really good strong name, and Eddie is a better short form name for life than Jimmy. IMO.

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