(Closed) Husbands brother and wife called their son the name we wanted

posted 7 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Is it for a brother to choose same baby name that other brother had already chose?
    Yes - fine whoever has the child first should have the name : (101 votes)
    33 %
    No- if the name had clearly been stated they should have picked another name : (119 votes)
    39 %
    Both brothers can call their children the same name regardless : (86 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 93
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee

    I say use the name James Edward if you have a boy anyway. The kids will just end up being addressed as James Edward and James Frank. No big deal.

    Post # 94
    Member
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I totally get why you’re upset. It’s so hard cos you don’t want to tell people ‘your’ name in case it makes them want it, but if you don’t then you haven’t staked a claim on it. And I disagree that you can’t reserve a name. My friend is having IVF. I know what names she likes. I wouldn’t dream of using one of them even though one is a name I love.

    My husband and I have agreed on one boy’s name, if anyone uses it e.g. my brother I will be devastated.

     

    Post # 95
    Member
    3356 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree that you can’t call dibs on a name when you haven’t conceived, but your in-laws are inconsiderate people knowing that you and your husband wanted the name. I’d be hurt and pissed off too.

    Post # 96
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I get that you’re hurt and upset and I have some medical issues that will make it hard to TTC when the time comes. 

    I have my heart set on the name Payton if we have a girl.  We are planning on TTC before we get married (maybe like a couple of months before).  I had a talk with Future Sister-In-Law a few months ago (FI’s brother is getting married next month) and they too want to have a baby soon after they are married.  We were discussing baby names and I told her my love of the name Payton.  She told me that she thought it was such a pretty name and at first I was kind of ticked off because I thought it was MY name.

    Then I came to my senses and thought, who cares what they name their child?  If they have a girl and want to name her Payton, it’s not going to stop me from using that name.  And Payton isn’t even that common of a name.  They have every right to name their child whatever they want to, just like I do.

    Some people don’t come up with names until they have the baby.  My parents couldn’t come up with a name for me, so they were super original and named me April, because I happened to be born in April! (It’s fine because I do like my name)  Just because they don’t spend months and years dreaming of baby names it does not make them bad people.

    Post # 97
    Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would be upset too.

    I also have to add I think I would be less hurt if it’s a really common name. If it’s John Thomas, you can’t really be too mad becasue both are popular names that have been used for hundreds of years. If it’s Dick Butkus then yes, be mad, real mad.

    Post # 98
    Member
    1889 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I made a mistake and selected “No” (that it’s not ok) before reading the original post… I was under the impression that the OP was already pregnant and had the baby’s name picked out.  Unfortunately, I would have to go back on my vote and say that since the OP is not actually pregnant, she does not have a “claim” to the name she and her Darling Husband like.

    I do still think it was kinda a lame thing of them to do, if they knew how passionate the OP and her husband were about the name, but it’s not worth getting resentful over.  In my family, almost all the men have one of 3 names (Frank, Paul, Mike) and nobody seems to mind, so I’d say when the OP has a baby, the baby can have the same name or they can go with something else.

    Post # 99
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would be upset seeing that they knew you loved that name. If they were think of using it they should have mentioned it before throwing this curve ball.

    Post # 100
    Member
    5147 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Another thing, even if you mentioned the name to them they might not even have remembered. If someone told me a name they liked, and they weren’t even pregnant yet, I wouldn’t find it very important to remember. I would say “oh that’s cute!” and then completely forget about it by the next day.

    Post # 101
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Is it possible they didn’t remember? I mean, pregnancy/giving birth is stressful, and I doubt you were at the forefront of their minds when they named their new baby. James is a very common name. If they chose the same middle name or you had dreamt a very unusual name, I’d find evidence on the face. But, this might just be very innocent.

    Post # 102
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    That is so terrible of them, esp if you had been vocal about it! They should have approached you and asked permission (IMO) since they hadn’t specified that they also liked the name. I am so sorry. My family has a ton of people it the child bearing years TTC right now and we all talked about the names that everyone wants so we don’t overlap (we’re the only ones pregnant right now, so we especially wanted to make sure we weren’t “stealing” someones name!) 

    Post # 103
    Member
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    That would erk me right off, but now that the LO is named that particular name, no use in crying over spilt milk! Pick another, BETTER name!  :o)

    Post # 104
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    If it makes you feel any better, my husband and I both have first cousins who share our same first and last names (Or at least I did before I got married and changed my name).  My cousin (who is younger than me) has always gone by her middle name, but my husband and his cousin have just always been the same. You can also always change it up with different nicknames.

    Post # 105
    Member
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Reedyd:  Personally, i think it was a jerk move on their part to take a name they knew you were planning to use, while TTC. 

    Next time, don’t share your name choice with a pregnant couple. 

    Post # 106
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I absolutely do believe that you have a right to be upset.  You told them how you felt about that name.  They should of at least talked to you guys before they named their child. 

    However, I do agree with your husband 100%.  If you like the name and that is in fact what you want to name your son if you have one some day then go ahead.  It is a name that not only your child has to live with but you have to live with it to. 

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