Post # 1
My husband’s brother’s wife is applying for a position in the same department at the same company as where my husband works. My Mother-In-Law is helping her do this, literally calling my husband to help with the interview process, and I am feeling a little uneasy about this because the brother’s new wife can be extra friendly with my husband sometimes. She has called my husband and complained about her husband, his brother, in the past, and always seems to catch my husband’s attention during get togethers. I don’t want to come off as insecure but I don’t want them working together, taking lunches, having fun, meeting up for drink afterwards, etc.
I told my husband how I felt and he said he doesn’t think it’s an issue to work with family and that he will help her get the job. He spends time talking to his mom about it, which makes me slightly uncomfortable. I left it at that and just told him I didn’t want them working together to affect our relationship or family life. I am still feeling slighted. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How did you feel? What do I do? Were there any issues or was it not a big deal? Thanks- I appreciate any input!
Post # 2
The issue is that you feel insecure in your relationship. I don’t know whether he’s given you a reason to feel like that or whether you’re just insecure in general, but it’s not the fact that he would be working together with another family member that’s the real problem here.
Post # 3
Do you not trust your husband? Her behavior shouldn’t be a problem if you trust your husband to shut down any possible advances on her part. If you don’t trust him, there are much bigger issues at play than her working with him.
Post # 4
I think you need to deal with your insecurity. I don’t see anything here that would lead me to believe that she has any designs on your husband (or him to her). I think she’s family so she’s friendly, I think she vents to your husband because he obviously knows her husband better than anyone and probably wants his perspective.
You really need to get yourself in control. There is no reason to feel slighted, they haven’t done anything to you what so ever.
ETA: Some months ago you posted that your husband leaves your house at 10pm several times a month and doesn’t return until the next day. I think that is far more concerning than your SIL and it’s likely your SIL isn’t the problem, your husband is.
Post # 5
He is married. She is married. They are family. What the deal? Get over yourself. Sometimes finding a job is difficult and people need to pull all the strings they can get. Geeze. Your insecurity is no reason to get in the way of someone seeking employment.
Post # 6
I am guessing there has to be far more to this than a SIL. I don’t know how other people feel about sleeping with family, but if I think about DH’s brother in that way, I react with a visceral, “Ick.” Do you REALLY think your SIL wants to sleep with your DH? And why don’t you trust your DH? Even if she did not feel that way, I would assume that he would.
So where is this insecurity really stemming from?
Post # 7
theresabow : This has nothing to do with your SIL, this has to do with your husband being a piece of crap. No honest, respectful, loving husband, pulls the crap he has been doing over the past year.
Dont blame the other woman for your uneasiness. Blame your husband. What have you done in the past 8 months?
Post # 8
To respond to all of these posts asking about insecurity, there was a time when my husband did go out and stay out later than he led me to believe. He stopped that behavior-I remember it though and it hurts to think he’s been like that. He has also had conversations without me present with sister in law where she’s expressed that she didn’t particuarly like me after something I said that she misinterpreted and that rubbed me the wrong way. My Mother-In-Law and I also have a rocky, distant relationship while SIL and Mother-In-Law are very close so that in itself brings up these feelings. I appreciate the straightforward clarity though that it’s not inappropriate to work together. I just felt like out of all the places there are why does she pick to apply where my husband works.
Post # 9
The thing that would make me uncomfortable is this SIL calling your husband to complain about her husband. That’s what your friends are for, IMO. Her also confiding that she disliked me to my husband wouldn’t really be cool with me. She sounds like a shit stirrer. That’s said, it’s really up to your husband to be clear about boundaries and it sounds like he hasn’t always been- that’s the true source of your discomfort, I think.
Post # 10
OP, based on your prior posts, there are much greater issues with your husband than whether your sister in law works with him.
Post # 11
theresabow : Have you noticed yet that when you’re describing your problems, you never (ok, rarely) acknowledge that your husband IS the problem? It’s his mother who’s the problem, it’s his single friends, it’s his brother. Now it’s his brother’s wife? I know it sucks to realize this, especially with 5 kids now, but your husband is the problem. You could fix everyone around him and you’d still be unhappy. Because he is the one disrespecting you and not valuing your relationship.
Post # 12
And I don’t mean to be snarky here at all, but I am puzzled as to why the Mother-In-Law acronym is acceptable to use, but then you say “husband’s brother’s wife.” Wouldn’t that be your SIL?
Post # 13
Your feelings of insecurity are valid. The question is why would you allow yourself to be with someone that makes you feel this way?
Post # 14
echomomm : If OP had a brother, who was married, that woman would also be a SIL. I think it may be relevant in this case that the SIL is on the husband’s side.
That said, I am not very good at family relationships. I cannot for the life of me figure out first and second cousins, and the whole once-removed idea. LOL
Post # 15
It sounds like you feel left out, perhaps you feel like your husband doesn’t prioritise his relationship with you. That’s the thing to work on, not fretting over him working with his brothers wife!
You asked why she would apply for a job with him. It’s not suspect at all, in fact it’s smart. Using your contacts is one of the most successful ways to find a great job.