(Closed) Husband's Comments About Appearance Affecting Sex Life

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 77
Member
3422 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@mimi123:  Wait a minute, your husband has been out of work for two years, makes hurtful jerky comments about your appearance, and you guys aren’t intimate?  What good is he?! I am so sad for you. I think he is living in a bubble filled with porn and fantasies. He needs to get a damn job, learn some tact and start treating you like a lady should be treated, with RESPECT! I wonder what his family life was like growing up? 

Post # 81
Member
11139 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@rosworms:  

 

ITA.  This is emotional abuse.  He’s trying to get you off balance, worn down & doubting yourself.  He wants control over you, not a partnership.

Post # 82
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@mimi123:  Personally, I would not be able to stay with a guy like that.  Women put so much pressure on themselves already, we dont need our husbands to do the same.  If it was to keep you healthy, thats one thing but it sounds like he just wants all cosmetic things done to you to make you perfect.

Be careful here – my friends sister was married to a guy like this. She already took very good care of herself and looked amazing.  He made her get waxes all the time, he wouldnt go out with her if her roots were growing in.  He even convinced her to get a boob job, and even pressured her into getting a bigger size than she wanted.  Anyway, he ended up cheating on her with a co-worker after 2 years of marriage – and she hated that she married a guy like him, and made major changes to her body for him.  She is now married to a guy that loves her completely – and she is so happy.  

Post # 83
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@mimi123:  You know, you said this may have started when he got laid off…people are complicated. Do you think he is very hard on himself/ashamed of himself about not working and finds ways to “lower you down a peg.” I could be off the mark but people do weird shit when they feel inadequate.

 

I would also make it clear that this goes both ways. He makes these unfair demands because “you should want me to be the most attracted I can to you.” Well, his demands make you unattracted to him (and to yourself, which is much worse). So, he’s ruining his own sex life.

Post # 84
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@mimi123:  My leg hairs are like, half an inch long 😉 He still gets super turned on regardless of my hair! Let alone my really crowded teeth, messy hair, daggy sweats, acne scarred face and unplucked brows! I am not a girly gril and I do not really keep up with all of those things, because I don’t feel I need to to keep my self worth. I will do it when I damn-well feel like it.

I seriously don’t like your husband at all, but you obviously love him. He needs to talk to you and listen to your feelings, go to counselling or you need to leave. This is not what I would consider a healthy relationship.

Can you imagine what he will be like when you are 10 years older? Will he want you to undergo surgery one day to fix your saggy bits, get some breast implants to keep them full, will he one day want you to be on a fitness and eating regime to keep you looking “pert” for him? This will only get worse over time.

He has unreal exectations, his wife is not a trophy wife and there to please him in every way possible. It sounds like he wants a Stepford wife, stay at home all day, always dolled up, always waxed, always got your nails done, always got your hair done, and always after a fix for any little bits “wrong” with your look.

You are not there to get him off, he should be turned on because you are the woman he loves, not some hot thing to gawk at!

Post # 85
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@mimi123:  Late to the party here,  but I just wanted to chime in and give my 2 cents.

I am what you could very safely call a “unnatural” person: I’m all makeup. Hell, I don’t even HAVE eyebrows unless I put them on; you can wipe my “beauty” off with a wet kleenex.  I was this way when Fiance met me, and we worked together so he only ever saw the finished product.

Now, 3ish years in and living together, he sees (literally) a different human being when he gets up in the morning: no eyebrows, acne and scars all out, hairy sasquatch legs. It aint pretty.

However, never once has he looked at me and said “I really wish you’d go put your makeup on/shave your legs/not wear your hair like that…wouldnt you want me to be more attracted to you? I’m just being honest.” He may *think* it when he sees me without my “war paint” but, as far as he’s ever shown me, he thinks I’m just fine when I roll out of bed with drool dried on my face.

You deserve that. We *all* deserve that. I’m not saying you should dump him and take off, but I definitely think counseling is in order…because, “honest” or not, what he’s saying to you is not ok.

((hugs))

 

Post # 87
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@mimi123:  Glad to hear that things are better between you and your husband 🙂

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