(Closed) Husband's cousin wants to know where his Thank You card is

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
46680 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

While not sending thank-you cards is rude, so is asking if they have been sent.

I would probably be a little passive aggressive and send him another thank you card.


Family members tell us that you are concerned that your thank you card has not arrived.

As you have spoken with family members , you no doubt are aware that they have received theirs. I am so sorry that yours seems to have gone astray.

I wanted to make sure that you know that we are so grateful for your gift of ___ and for your attendance at our wedding.

I hope you know how much we appreciate the support of both families and hope to see you soon.


slightly snarky bride



Post # 4
27 posts
  • Wedding: November 2013

@julies1949:  +a bazillion

I’m all for slightly snarky

Post # 5
11657 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@julies1949:  all for the slightly snarky reply 🙂

Post # 6
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yup I like Julie’s response! And seriously you barely got married a month ago the guy needs to calm the f down!

Post # 8
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Did he not notice the 375 guests? Sheesh. I’m all for promptness with the thank-you cards, but people need to be realistic. Besides, a lot of brides take longer than that simply because they are waiting to add a photo, and not all photographers are super-fast about that. Larry is behaving rudely, and I hope someone (not you) called him on that.

Post # 9
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@julies1949:  +1

He’s being really rude asking about the thank you, so soon on top of that.  I always like a passive aggresive option. 

Post # 10
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry, but he’s downright rude! It would make me not want to send him one!

Post # 11
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That’s rather rude. I haven’t received thank yous for the last three weddings I went to (May 2012, July 2013, September 2013 [still within the acceptable range]) but you would never catch me inquiring about it. 

Send the slightly snarky card. The suggested wording is perfectly polite but will get your point across, and I would find it highly satisfying.

Post # 12
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

People are so funny about thank-you cards… as @julies1949 points out, it’s just as rude to ask for a thank-you note as it is to not send one. But in your case, you did send one! And quite promptly!

I would be annoyed by Larry, but I wouldn’t bother with any kind of passive-aggressive response. Just be straight with him, and tell him the note must have gotten lost in the mail, and that you appreciate the gift, and when the note comes back to you, you’ll try to get it to him. 

Post # 13
26 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

Ooooohhhhh how I wish there were a way to inquire about thank-you notes for his daughter’s two showers that were never received! 

Post # 14
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

One thing as a tip for others is to hold the thank yous until you have them all done.  Then you don’t have some people getting them before others and people could compare and think you forgot them or whatever.

Still, they can get lost in the mail, or even lost by the person that gets them (or their family members or whatever).

I did my thank yous within a couple weeks and I thought all was well, but then a gal was like, “did you get my check for the wedding?”  I was like, “Yes, didn’t you get my thank you?” 

She hadn’t gotten it!  Then I was paranoid about whether all of them somehow hadn’t been sent (I had sent them from work, so someone could have lost them or thrown them out or whatever).  I then checked with a couple friends just to see if they’d received theirs and they had.  So hopefully it is just one envelope lost in the mail.  

I resent a thank you card right after I heard they hadn’t received it.  On the card I added a note something like, “sorry for the delay – I sent cards out but it seems like yours must have been lost in the mail.”


Post # 15
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Technically you have a year after the wedding to get the thank you cards out. So one got lost in the mail, big deal! Send another one out and let everyone get over it.

Post # 16
25 posts

i know when we give cash in a card as a gift, and don’t receive a thank you, we always wonder if the couple got it.  We’d hate to think that if the couple didn’t receive the card, that they would   think we had not given them a gift.  Possibly that is what the cousin was thinking.   That you never received the gift.  


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