Husband's emotional affair – long

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
2485 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

undercover719 :  OP, my heart is breaking for you. The nonsense your spouse is feeding you is disgusting, self-serving, and worthless.  This loser has been having multiple, long-term emotional affairs – and let’s be honest, he’s had sex with at least some of these women – he has lied to you consistently, has utilized family funds for extra-marital endeavors, has put your health at risk (so glad you didn’t contract anything from him), and has basically shat on your wedding vows. 

You are not over-reacting. In fact, I think you’re under-reacting. Get angry! Get mad at him and his stupidity. Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier! Then hug your daughter, tell your family to either support your decision or shut up, and start your new, amazing life without him. 

Post # 47
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Why on earth would your mother and friend encourage you to take him back?! Are they insane?!!!

I don’t see how you could possibly come back from this and enjoy a happy, healthy and trusting relationship. You deserve so much better than to spend the rest of your life never feeling secure in your marriage and after this kind of behaviour I don’t see how you ever could feel truly secure.

Set a good example for your daughter about not putting up with terrible behaviour from men. She’s going to learn from YOU how she can ecpect to be treated by men. You need to teach her both through your words and your actions to value herself and never accept a relationship in which she is not respected.

Post # 48
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

This liar does not deserve you or a relationship with your daughter.

Post # 50
Member
4552 posts
Honey bee

undercover719 :  I’d be so so done. So beyond done. On top of it all you lost a friend to cancer AND were sick yourself and he wasn’t there.  This so unforgivable.  

The best gift you can get yourself is a kick ass divorce attorney. 

Post # 51
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee

I’d have been done with him years ago because I know when people are lying. They give it away if you can read the signs. Who the hell takes a trip to Europe and doesn’t tell their spouse? Only a shady fuck, that’s who. These excuses he’s giving should insult your intelligence.  Please don’t listen to the claptrap your family is feeding you. They are dangerously misguided. Perhaps they’ve never seen vaginal warts, HIV, or herpes just to touch on a few. I have (except for herpes)and I’m telling you it’s not something you want. This guy is a case study for STIs. 

I believe you said you were screened for STIs. You should get tested again in 6 months.

Post # 52
Member
8644 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

undercover719 :  This is not an emotional affair and you are not doing yourself any favors by refusing to admit that he has had sex with multiple other women while married to you. You don’t fly to another frigging continent to emotionally cheat. He is fucking other women. Does that make your decision any easier? If you stay with him, it needs to be with the knowledge that on any given day, whether you are eating dinner together, sitting watching TV, getting intimate yourself, whatever — there is a very good chance that his dick was in someone else a few short hours ago. If you are not ok with that, the only answer is to leave.

Post # 53
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

what is WITH moms and forgivving douchebags?! same thing happened to me, i left my previous relationship because he was sleeping with a coworker for an entire YEAR before i found out and his mom called me and said “yes well that happens. you cant leave him”. what?! hell.no! you did the right thing by leaving. fuck that guy. you sound like a really strong independent woman anyway, you dont need that bitch. im so sorry this is happening to you, you dont need this shit in your life. hugs to you.

Post # 54
Hostess
9553 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

undercover719 :  I know you mentioned he was in the reserves… don’t they have a policy against adultery? Like it’s classified as a criminal offense? Maybe something to think about if he really screws you over…

Post # 55
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’m so sorry, bee. He is human garbage. Good for you for leaving and don’t listen to anybody who tells you to give him another chance. His lies are on a whole nother level.

Post # 56
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee

undercover719 :  No. NO. NOOOO. He has been cheating for YEARS. He is only acting remorseful because he got caught and as a memeber of the military he has a Moral Clause in his contract and cheating is a big Nono! 

If you choose not to have respect for yourself at least have it for kids! Show them that this behavior is not acceptable. 

Post # 57
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

My heart is breaking for you bee. Hugs! This is absolute bullshit. He’s a liar, a con, and is manipulating as fuck! Get yourself a divorce lawyer and take his ass to the cleaners. You read as a very intelligent woman, don’t let this asswipe treat you like this any longer. Does he not fucking realize he is showing his daughter how a man treats a woman? Gross! 

Post # 58
Member
455 posts
Helper bee

sboom :  

Exactly. 

OP, I want to give you my perspective as a woman who watched my mother tolerate cheating and abuse from my father. 

Your daughter will eventually lose respect for you and that will poison your relationship. She will also hate you for exposing her to a toxic marriage instead of leaving. Lastly, she will have permanent difficulties trusting men. I have been in therapy and I still do not trust my husband because I grew up seeing men enjoying affairs. 

Please give serious consideration to distancing yourself from your mother and so called friend. They are encouraging you to tolerate unacceptable behavior and that is not a loving thing to do. 

I wish you healing and continued strength. YOU ARE WORTH MORE. 

Post # 59
Member
3509 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

OP, I’m so incredibly sorry you’re going through all this!! A second chance? I think you’ve given them that… plus about 10 more. This man has made it abundantly clear that he cannot be trusted and cannot be faithful. I would not waste another moment being married to this scum bag. My ex-h was similar; a serial cheater with excuses for everything. Every time I think back to the bullshit he fed me, it just makes me shake my head. You deserve SO much better than all of this crap. Love really shouldnt be this difficult!

Post # 60
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Ugh, what a piece of trash he is! I can’t believe you’re being told to give him a second chance. Why?? He’s done nothing to deserve it!

Sorry you’re having to go through this bee 🙁

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