Husband's ex who he deeply loved has been contacting him and I feel lost

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 316
249 posts
Helper bee

marine15 :  in your defense, I’ve stood in your shoes. I understand wanting to save your marriage. The marriage can only be saved if he is willing to cut off contact cold turkey, block her on every avenue, and be open with communication and his cell phone,  etc. He has to still want you more than whatever carrot she is dangling. 

I texted the other woman in my case, told her off, and blocked her number before she could text back. That was in July of 2016. We were approaching our 8th wedding anniversary. He never got physical with her, but worse than sex is real feelings. Its liking someone else and not because you want to screw them. I was destroyed. This thread really triggered me. I’m so so so sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 317
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You don’t want someone cheating on you to leave you? 

Girl, come on. 

Post # 318
10 posts
  • Wedding: April 2016

Honey, I know you don’t want to seperate but he has clearly checked out and is not willing to work at your marriage. I’m actually a big advocate for working through infidelity when the cheating party is remorseful and actually wants to change and takes action to repair the broken trust. But this man is clearly not wanting to fix this. I’m so sorry but I think it’s over. 

Post # 320
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Clarksville, VA

The way it sounds to me is that she is the love of his life. But that also means you haven’t found the true love of YOUR life yet. You deserve better than someone that doesn’t appreciate you and whose family you don’t even get along with. You aren’t happy but you will be once you move forward.

Post # 322
198 posts
Blushing bee

He is only going to “come to his senses” (which sadly I think is unlikely) if you make it very clear to him what he is losing and that he’s losing it now if he doesn’t shape up.  I feel I am wasting my breath here, but I would tell him to leave now, tonight, regardless of what time it is.  I wouldn’t want to be in the same house with him, and you letting him stay and letting him comfort you when you’re sad is like putting a sign on your head that says “doormat.”  Meanwhile, his ex is probably acting all confident and hot and romantic bc she’s getting exactly what she wants – you are not going to compare well, as messed up as that is.  In your position, I would be reluctant to tell him to leave for fear he would just go sleep with her immediately, but if he does that then he would have done it anyway, just behind your back, as evidenced by the fact that he clearly didn’t have any intention of telling you what happened today. Letting him stay comfortable at home gains you absolutely nothing and making him leave gives you the only sliver of hope there is in this situation.  I’m so sorry OP. 

Post # 325
4058 posts
Honey bee

marine15 :  Nope. Trust  me on this. 1) He was out so long. 2) He’s already lied to you more than once.

Post # 326
125 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP, nobody deserves that.

But this is beyond pitiful now.

You are willing to sacrifice your last shred of dignity to a man who betrayed your marriage vows, is in love with another woman, and doesn’t even want you anyway.

He hasn’t apologised for cheating, only for making you cry. He has shown no remorse for hooking up with his ex. He has repeatedly told you that he wants out of this marriage. Why does it even matter if he “only” kissed her, or whether he fucked her. The end result is the same. He doesn’t want you, he wants her. He has checked out of your marriage.

Why are you hanging on? I realise that you love him, but your love isn’t enough in this situation. The desparate love of one party is not enough to hold a marriage together. 

There is no fixing this relationship, bee. The best thing you can do is grow a backbone, gather what remains of your dignity, trust and self-worth, and go live your life without that sorry SOB.

You deserve better, so why won’t you give yourself that? You do not need him to be happy.



Post # 327
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

marine15 :  give it some time. You are “competing” with the memory of her. No one can compete with memory, we all edit our memory.


Post # 328
1537 posts
Bumble bee

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  even if the title and mortgage is in his name, she still has rights to the house as a marital asset most likely. She should call a lawyer pronto.

Sorry OP. You deserve better. 

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