Husband's ex who he deeply loved has been contacting him and I feel lost

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 916
85 posts
Worker bee

marine15 :  I know you are going to get a LOT of advice. However, 2 things….yoga and meditation work wonders. I promise. It will give you time to clear your head. I feel such an affinity for your posts and I’ve been in this situation. Please feel free to DM me. Your responses have been very composed and you so clearly are navigating this with grace. 

Post # 917
1503 posts
Bumble bee

marine15 :  please do not talk to him about the divorce proceedings until you seek the advice of the solicitor. They will guide you.

Post # 918
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

marine15 :  Let HIM do the legwork of coming up with all the reasons why you should be entitled to as little of the marital property as possible.  

Look, you might be right that BY HIMSELF he might be inclined to act fair or even generous, out of guilt or vestiges of feelings for you or what the eff ever.  Thing is, he is NOT by himself, is he?

I mean do you think SHE would tell him to be fair to you? How considerate has she been of your feelings thus far?? Who has he been listening to so far, you or her???

Talk to a lawyer yesterday.  

Post # 919
1181 posts
Bumble bee

You’re doing so well OP. You sound like such a lovely and thoughtful and gentle girl. Things will turn out okay, it will just take time. Try separate your emotion from the legal advice. Your rights as his wife still stand, regardless of how you feel about him or how you think he feels about you. There’s no shame in taking what you’re entitled to, and I definitely think don’t tell him about seeing a solicitor. 

One step at a time! You’re doing really well 


Post # 921
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

marine15 :  Given how much she’s been interfering already, calling him at home and so on, I would not put it past her to try to meddle in your divorce. This type of thing happens all the time, so please brace yourself for that. If she gets in his head and convinces him to be unfair to you, he will become a man you don’t even recognize. 

Post # 922
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Clarksville, VA

marine15 :  He’s already thinking about moving in with someone he hasn’t been with in over two years? For all he knows she’s changed completely since then. 

Post # 923
7850 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Fuckin hell, I hate him more with every update. He had the nerve to tell you he’s not sure why you’d “assume” he would move in with his ex right away, as though you’re acting paranoid with such an idea? But then two seconds later says “it might happen a little later”??? What a piece of shit. Of course you’re assuming that…anyone with a brain would assume it. He cheated on you with her and now has been brazenly texting her all day in front of you, taking her calls in front of you…but yeah, moving her into his flat, what a wild assumption for you to make! I’m sure that’s where he’ll totally draw the line since he’s been so good at drawing lines thus far. DOUCHEBAG.

Post # 924
253 posts
Helper bee

marine15 :  He basically just admitted they were in a full on relationship then. Already.

Post # 925
9616 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You’ve gotten a lot of legal advice here but I really want to stress how important it is to take care of your mental health. It sounds like you aren’t getting any sleep which is so important, especially as you are dealing with so much right now.

Have you been getting out of the house much? It could be good for you to maybe meet up with some friends (you don’t have to tell them what’s going on) or go out with you mom. Just get away from the house and your husband.

Post # 926
760 posts
Busy bee

Whatever you do, just STAY. IN. THE. DAMN. HOUSE!

I made the mistake of leaving for ONE night when sh*t hit the fan and within matter of few hours, my ex-hole LOCKED me out with our 2 year old! All of the kids’ belongings (and it was middle of winter!) was there!

And it took hell over high water for me to get a Godddamn order to re-enter my own goddamn house! I am in Canada so our laws are quite similar. Even though we ‘borrow’ a lot of laws from USA. 


Post # 929
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Do NOT talk to your husband prior to your meeting with lawyers or even share with him that you went. Unlike where I live, you have to prove fault. Let the professional do his or her job and advise you every step of the way. You are paying them for the benefit of all their years of knowledge and experience. 

If you are so worried about his reaction to you seeking representation, then you need that lawyer even more than you think you do! 

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