(Closed) Husbands Family – NIGHTMARE

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

 ignore it.

Just because your husband’s uncle wants to act like a teenager doesn’t mean you should

move on and chalk it up to being “one of those things”

Post # 3
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t reach out, I would leave things as they are.  I would even see it as a blessing that he chose to distance himself from your parents on social media. 

Post # 4
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If he’s super-opinionated and angry when people don’t agree with him, then just let him be. Everyone is allowed their opinions. It seems silly he gets mad at people who don’t agree with him – but if he blocks or deletes you, then just let him. 

If he gets mad at your opinions just say “it’s a free country, and I have a constitutional right to my opinion. You might have a different opinion, and that’s great. That’s what makes this a great country – and not communist China. We’re all free to say what we please.”  He can’t argue with that!

The rest of the time you have to be around him just be pleasant – don’t bring up controversial topics like politics, religion, or abortion. He was obviously a very kind man to your hubby when he was growing up so there has to be some nice side if him. 

Post # 5
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

It wouldn’t make any difference anyway. Unless you are prepared to pretend to agree with his opinions. He will continue to hammer them home with no regard. 

My inlaws, some of them, are staunch Trump supporters and feel it is their right to talk it up as much as they want. I like the times when the kids are around and they don’t.

Post # 6
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Family oh the struggle. My in laws hate me to say the least they even went as far as to start a rumor that my children are not my husbands (total lie ) I am sorry your Darling Husband uncle is well rude to put it kindly. If I where you I would do what I do be respectful at family stuff an just let it alone I very seriously doubt he is bothered by all the issues he causes. My other advice be honest with your husband tell him your feeling he needs to know your true feelings. 

Post # 7
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Ah, facebook. Do as Elsa, and let it go. No sense in contacting anyone over something so minor as manufactured internet drama. If you don’t like your DH’s Uncle (and your Darling Husband is understanding), spend less time with him.

Post # 8
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee

Oh boy…. this is a toughie! Here’s my 2 cents, for what it’s worth. The uncle sounds totally immature and his behavior (adding or deleting friends on FB, blowing up at people who have different political views) does sound rather middle-school-ish. I would wonder….. if you DID bring this up in a logical, mature fashion, is he going to be able to respond in the same way? from what you have said, my guess is a big fat no.  Even if you go into this with the best of intentions, it doesn’t sound like he is capable of having a genuine conversation. He has no insight into other people’s feelings/ belief systems so this could just escalate and things could get worse.

After having said all of the above…. I don’t think I would insert too much meaning into not receiving a bday card. it certainly could be because he’s pissed off… but then again, there could be more going on behind the scenes that you are not even aware of. It could have gotten lost in the mail… he may have forgotten… or it could be exactly for the reasons you describe. Similarly, he could ‘get over’ whatever he’s pissed about and send another card next year…. or add back your parents within the next few days.

My own opinion is to let your dh take the lead on this. He clearly has a different relationship with him, and probably sees far more positives than others do in the uncle. Your dh is also probably very appreciative of his efforts, given that he raised your dh… it shows that there is something good and valuable in this person, so your dh probably feels that he owes him the benefit of the doubt. I think I would take the back seat here. It doesn’t sound like you are ever going to have a warm and genuine relationship with this man; you are going to have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace and not piss him off. Ask your dh,  how do you want to move forward knowing this? what kind of a relationship do you think is going to work for everyone?

One of my best girlfriends had a somewhat similar situation and it was handled in that her dh and his ‘uncle’ tended to still get together more regularly. she did participate in visits, picnics, etc periodically and when she was there, she smiled and nodded for her husbands sake… but didn’t rock the boat. Since her interactions with said uncle were 1-2x per year, she could do it…. but she wouldn’t have been able to handle more….. and I don’t blame her :)…. there was also no social media interactions so the types of situations you have described above did not occur.

Post # 11
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Mrstobe26 :  Let it go bee. Unless he is a racist and a sexist, then find a way to stay away from him.

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