Husbands family not excited about new baby. Vent.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

Aw that’s sad that they haven’t bothered. Some people are just not that into babies maybe they’re those kind of people. If you’re struggling I’d speak to your husband about it. I would take the baby to see your in laws though 

Post # 18
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

moondrops :  

I am going to sound mean, but I don’t mean to be.

1. Nobody is going to be as excited as you are, and some people just don’t care. It’s not their first grandchild. So they aren’t going to be super excited. I am not excusing their behaviour but its true that not everybody is going to be over the moon like you guys.

2. Not everybody likes babies, or wants to be around them.

3. As for help, you kind of have to be prepared to do this on you’re own with your husband by your side; nobody is going to help that much.

However bottom line you have a right to be upset, and i would be too. Get you’re husband to mention the lack of communication. But you can’t have expectations of people, because that leads to disapointments. I would drive out to see them, if they ignore you’re daughter leave.

You might have stepped on their toes by not going to the christmas party, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Post # 19
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

I couldn’t tell from the original post- have you formally invited them to your house to meet the baby, and they refused, but would agree to see you only if you brought the baby to them?

I think the shower thing is tricky- in the past, I have typically seen someone from the mom’s side host the shower (grandma, friends, sisters, aunts, cousins, etc). Maybe your in-laws didn’t want to overstep (if you are not normally close) and host the showr, thinking someone else would? Maybe by the time they realized there wasn’t going to be a shower, it was too late to put one together? 

If you’re not normally close, I think it’s wrong to expect or assume that they would throw you a shower, visit in the hospital, come over multiple times to see and help with the baby, etc. They also may be offended that you didn’t attend the Christmas party. Maybe they had gifts to give the baby then? 

Some families aren’t super fussy with babies, aren’t into visiting eachother often, etc. It doesn’t mean they are doing it to be mean to you, it’s just not the way they do things. They may also think that you need a few weeks to adjust to the baby, and are just trying to give you time and space. With the baby being born right before the holiday, it’s also tough timing. 

If I were you, I’d invite them over for a meal & to meet the baby. Make it breakfast with just some bagels, coffee & OJ, or dinner with pizza. Whatever is easiest for you. Set the date, set the time, and see what they do. 

If they don’t want to come (which would be totally strange to me), then chalk it up as a lost cause and move on. It won’t hurt yourfeelings if you’re not expecting much from them. 

Post # 21
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

musicluvr325 :  see, your comment would make total sense if these were random friends or distant relatives. A lot of people “don’t like babies”. However, these are the baby’s only grandparents and they’re acting like they don’t care. It’s strange and most people would think it’s strange that they show no interest. My mother and my SIL basically hate each other but my mom would murder someone to be able to see her grandchild as much as possible. So yeah, it’s kind of sad to read that her in-laws won’t make even the smallest effort.

moondrops :  I think it’s shitty that they aren’t making an effort to see their grandchild. I also think it’s a little ridiculous that they think you should bring your new baby to them as opposed to them just coming to you. It’s much easy to put their asses in a car than it is to pack up the baby and all the baby things. Honestly, they sound like jerks and I’m gonna guess they weren’t super friendly/involved before the baby either. Has your husband said anything to them?

Post # 23
Member
47 posts
Newbee

Micheruby :  not weird. I’ve never been excited for any of my friends/family having babies. And I wouldn’t go to a football match either! Just because it’s different to how you feel, doesn’t make it weird. Everyone is different. However I think it’s unkind that OP’s family have shown no interest at all.

moondrops :  I’m sorry you’re going through this. I do think they should have visited you, but I think now you should take her to visit them. It’s disappointing for you but it will be important for your daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents if she can.

Post # 24
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

It’s definitely not unreasonable to think that grandparents would take an interest in their own grandchildren. I would be frustrated too. But it is unreasonable to think that this interest will unfold on your terms, rather than theirs, especially give the family dynamics you’ve sketched here. I’d bring your daughter to them, because now more than ever, it’s not about what you want or they want, but what is good for her and her best interests down the road.  

Post # 25
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

moondrops :  I don’t think you are wrong in the slightest. I’m just trying to see their reasons too.

Sometimes people don’t think straight. They were probably upset you didn’t attend and are being rude about it. That’s my feeling.

Post # 26
Member
7915 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

moondrops :  I think the in-laws are being petty and unreasonable. But I also think you should focus on the other family and friends who DO care and have come to visit and brought gifts, etc. It sounds like your new little family has plenty of love coming in the door so don’t let that get lost in your irritation with a few shitty family members. 

Post # 27
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

They were actually expecting you to bring a barely week old baby to a Christmas party? That is really selfish on their part!

I am fully estranged from my family (and my best friend lives abroad 11 months of the year) so I know how you feel when it comes to looking to your inlaws for some baby support. I’m sorry that you aren’t finding any with them. That is really crummy! To be honest though, you are probably better off. It’s hard right now…but considering they expected you to come to that party with the baby, their priorities with your child would likely be quite ‘off’. Not having that type of energy around your new little family is a good thing!

Post # 28
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

moondrops :  I am so sorry that you aren’t feeling supported. That’s really shitty of them! Some of these bees are ice cold. I can’t imagine not caring about family like that. When my first niece was born I spent 22 hours in the waiting room. I slept on the floor until I knew she was here safely. I was less concerned with niece #2 because she was a scheduled c-section and I knew SIL would not be ready for visitors right away (same as niece #1) but I still went there straight after work. Try to enjoy this time with your new baby. At least you don’t have to share her right now! I hope you have friends etc if you need help or a break/nap/shower etc. Best wishes bee! 

Post # 29
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

musicluvr325 :  I think you did a great job of explaining why the inlaw’s might be acting the way they are. Of course on this board, if you don’t fake an interest in babies and bend over backwards, that means you are a bad person. I totally agree with you. 

Post # 30
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

No, a bad person is someone who is so self-absorbed that he/she can’t be happy for friends who dare to find joy in the babies they wanted to have in the first place. I don’t really like babies, it’s ridiculous how much shit women get for being childfree by choice, and sure, some parents do wrongly expect the world to revolve around their kids, but — if someone can’t appreciate a friend’s happiness in and of itself, which isn’t necessarily the same as liking the source of that happiness, that someone is a pretty poor friend.

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