Husband’s friend is always over

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I don’t think it’s demanding to tell him that she can’t be here every day or during certain hours (from 8am-5pm?). ESPECIALLY because you don’t have your own room to work in. It’s your house now too, he should be accomodating

Post # 4
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

randomuser :  I mean she’s his friend, so he should be dealing with her. Would he be okay with you bringing a friend over and talking loudly, laughing, or watching TV outside of his office door during work hours? You two need to come up with specific hours she is allowed to be there, or he needs to tell her that she needs to ask if she can come over. I seriously don’t know why she needs to be there every single day though. Maybe to escape and get a break from her kids?

He needs to talk to her again

Post # 5
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He obvs didn’t talk to her very effectively if she just proceeded to come over for 3 hours again the next day. It’s time to assert yourself bee and for your husband to do the same with this friend. Tell him you need quiet – which means no visitors in the house – during working hours. If he really can’t back you up on that then there are much deeper problems going on here.

Post # 7
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

he’s gotta grow a backbone and say NO when she says she’ll be over before 5pm.

change the lock if she has a key.

disconnect the doorbell outside of visiting hours.

etc…

You live there now.  She can’t just come and go from your house as she pleases while you’re working. 

Post # 8
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Did he never mention her being over all the time prior to living together? 

He needs to put his foot down and tell her she can’t come over. How does he even get any work done if they’re getting High together all day?

I wouldn’t be ok with even one of my own friends coming over so often, it’s weird. 

Post # 9
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee

Isn’t your husband supposed to be working too? That all sounds totally ridiculous!

Post # 11
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

This sounds like a really unacceptable situation to me. How can he work for just an hour a day? If that’s all that he has to work, then maybe you should get the 2nd bedroom for your office. I would reiterate that you need the house to be quiet and give him the quiet time hours that she needs to follow. Neither one of them sound like they have grown up. 

Post # 12
Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee

randomuser :  tell him that you’re feeling like a guest in your own house and feel like you don’t have any privacy because there is ALWAYS COMPANY OVER. Tell him you’d prefer to have more days without company than with company, and he needs to narrow her visiting days down to 1-2 hours ONCE A WEEK, if not only 2-3x a month. Jesus. Sounds like she needs to start paying some damn RENT if she’s over that often! Hell I feel like I don’t even have 3-4 hours a day to watch tv in my own damn house…she needs to get some business about herself. 

 

this is ridiculous. You did not sign up to have an additional roommate. Even if it weren’t for your work situation, this has gotta be smothering just having to look at another random ass person in your house every day. I don’t see how you haven’t put her out yet YOURSELF. Friendship be damned. 

 

Good luck, bee. Put your foot down. If worst comes to worst, tell him that if he won’t instill some boundaries, then you’ll do it for him. 

Post # 13
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

He is married now. This means he must make changes in his house and who is in it when and where and how decisions are made. Sounds like he hasn’t done any of that.

Is he generally spineless or just with her? Do you want to live where pot is smoked regularly?

Post # 14
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

randomuser :  but today she was over from 2:30-5:30.  

She sounds like a shit parent to her kids. Every parent I know is doing the school pick up, homework routine, grocery shopping, bath time and dinner prep during the hours of 2:30 to 5:30 and not hanging out at a friends place smoking cones… 😒

I’d be royally pissed and tell my husband that this is not on or appropriate behaviour for someone who is in an established couple irrespective of the gender of the friend in question. Its not only disruptive for you but its rude to you who has a right to live in your home without having someone they don’t like visit every day! 

Either he puts his foot down on to how much she visits and during which hours or you move back into your apartment. He’s actually being really disrespectful. He shouldn’t have to cut her out completely but a happy medium as to how much and when she visits is a must. He’s not doing that at all and out of respect for the person he married, he damn well should!!

 

Post # 15
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It does seem quite strange you didn’t know about all this before you moved in. And you should get the office – that much is clear and a no brainer.

Two things really – I would hate to appear all ‘I’m here now and so everything must change and she can’t come round any more’ since I imagine that would breed resentment.

This somehow to be balanced with a totally ridiculous situation that needs to end.

In reality I think all you can do is have a proper chat to your husband. Tell him you didn’t realise how much she was here, ask him if he really likes her being here all the time and if he thinks it’s the actions of an adult male to sit around smoking pot watching tv with his mate all day every day whilst his wife works at the kitchen table. If he wants to curb it then he has to be strong about it. If he does t really and is just saying what you want to hear then I think there is a problem! 

Good luck! X

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors