- 3 years ago
My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. We have a good friend, “Bill” who we have known for a long time. Bill lives really close to us, and he is CONSTANTLY over at our house, which has been a source of arguments and frustration for us. My husband invites Bill over frequently, without discussing it with me first.
Normally, I wouldn’t mind friends coming over, except for the fact that Bill is very loud, likes to drink, and never leaves. Bill is not currently working, so he will even come over on weeknights. Our house has very thin walls and carries sound, so when Bill is over, I get zero sleep (I wake up at 5 am every day for work). My husband and Bill drink, listen to music, and play video games all night and are so loud, that I just lay there in bed listening to them and can’t sleep. It is the same routine every time…I get out of bed, and ask them to be quiet, and they say ok but then get loud again 20 minutes later. This is a normal routine that happens every night of the weekend, and sometimes on a weeknight. My husband also works, so I expect him to be understanding of me wanting to get rest, but he does not seem to get it.
In addition to the loudness at night, the lack of privacy and alone time with my husband at home is starting to get to me, too. Bill is over here all the time, so the one-on-one time with my husband is almost nonexistent. We have exactly maybe ONE “Just me and you” weekend night per month, and that is when I have to ask for it over a week in advance. If I don’t ask for this in advance and give constant reminders, he will invite Bill over. Our sex life is in very rough shape. We also have sex exactly once per month, and one of the reasons is because I can’t get my husband away from Bill and other friends. It is very frustrating because I am starting to become jealous of all of my other married friends who are doing fun things with their husbands, while we do nothing together. For example, today I was planning on cooking a lovely Sunday dinner and hanging out with my husband as we settle down and prepare for the work week. Instead, he decided to invite Bill over, so they have been watching hockey, drinking, and playing video games for the last 7 hours, and I have been sitting in the bedroom alone reading. This is a frequent occurrence- even this past Christmas, after the family celebration ended Bill came over and they played video games all night (until 7 am) while I went to bed and pretended not to hear them.
I have discussed my concerns with my husband frequently, but he does not seem to understand why I am frustrated. I will ask him “Can we please not have Bill over tomorrow night?” and he will say sure, but then change his mind and invite Bill over anyway. I am wondering if I am out of line and not complain about who my husband chooses to invite over, or how often, since this is also his house, or if I have valid concerns. I really don’t think this is healthy behavior for a married couple, especially since this is taking a toll on our sex life. I am starting to feel like I don’t own my own house anymore because I can’t do things that most people get to do at home, such as walk around without a bra, watch what I want on TV, or hang out with my husband because we are constantly entertaining this guest in our home. I really want to be a person who makes everyone feel welcome in my home, but I also think there needs to be boundaries. I bring this up to my husband ALL THE TIME, and he says he understands, but nothing is changing.
Is anyone else in a similar situation, or does anyone have any advice to help us find a solution? Am I wrong here?