Husbands friends

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

The best measurement of someone is who they choose to spend their time with. He doesn’t stand up to them, hasn’t cut ties, do you really think he doesn’t act just like the rest of them when they’re bro-ing out?

People from the past can be great friends in small doses. I’d be side-eying my husband for sure if he still ran with the same immature crowd he did in high school. 

Post # 17
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

claroquesi :  In the US, the saying isn’t as elegant, but the idea is :

You lay down with pigs, you get up smelling like garbage.

Post # 19
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

monique637 :  The only thing you can really do right now is trust him until you can’t.  

Post # 20
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

No man is manipulated into going somewhere he doesn’t want to go. 

I am personally against strip clubs,  but my friends have gone and I decided to stay in the hotel room during that time. 

If he doesnt want to go, he would not go. 

 

Post # 21
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

ljm308 :  I disagree. You are the company you keep, I say. Whoever you keep in your inner circle I feel is a reflection of you as a person, your values and interests. At the end of the day you want people who support your marriage and if they are trash talking it behind your back then I would definitely have something to say.

Post # 22
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

monique637 :  How old are these guys? They sound immature. Assuming they are young, I have to laugh at the single guys who will “never get married because wives ruin everything.” I’ve known several guys like this who inevitably end up settling down FAST once they reach that age where they become “the old guy hanging out at the bar by himself.” 

As long as all of his buddies behave respectfully towards you, and your husband’s behavior doesn’t change when he’s in their presence, I would try to let this go. I would have a real problem though if he behaved poorly when he was around his buddies. 

Post # 23
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

monique637 :  I just read your update. How exactly is an adult man “manipulated” into going to strip clubs? Do they kidnap him?

I personally don’t have a problem with strip clubs, but it sounds like you do. Your husband needs to either STOP going to strip clubs or own his behavior and have an honest conversation with you. Pretending he doesn’t like going and is somehow forced into it by his friends is such a cop out. It’s insulting and dishonest. 

Post # 24
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

I was under the impression the strip club was a one time thing for OP’s DH’s bachelor party.

Anyway, I disagree about who you hang out with defines you. You define  yourself. I am that friend that has no interest for intimate relationships. I’ve made that clear around my circle of friends who are either engaged or in long term relationships. That being said, I support and respect their relationships. I know my friends have told their partners my opinion on relationships. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell them dump their partner or that their partner should be afraid of me. I’m entitled to my views as they are theirs. It’s not like when we hang out we only talk about relationships. We’ve known each other since we were 12. We hang out like we always have, I suppose out of habit.

OP, you mentioned that most of the time you all hang out as a group (including you) and everything was fine. And it’s only once or twice a month. Let your Darling Husband have one time. I’m sure you enjoy your time with girlfriends. Darling Husband should be able to enjoy his time with his old buddies. At the very least, see what happens.

I’m of the opinion that everyone is responsible for their own actions. If something does go wrong, that is on the person and not anyone else.

Post # 25
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

claroquesi :  we have a similar saying… tell me who your friend is and Ill tell you who you are…

Post # 26
Member
12321 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

monique637 :  He’s broken his promises before. What makes you trust him now? I think you have a right to draw any lines you want after the history you describe. Personally, I’d ask him to choose. 

Post # 27
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

 You guys regularly hang out with the wives? That he knows are being cheated on?

I don’t see how he could keep up these friendships without extreme guilt. Makes me worried about his morals 

Post # 28
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

ImMrsSnow :  I also like, you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas

Post # 29
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I do think that ppl spend time with folks who reflect their values or put another way I don’t think ppl can be friends with folks who do things they are totally against. 

My friends (whether single or married) have similar values to me and don’t denigrate marriage. I have no interest in hanging out with a woman who cheats on her husband/ constantly running to clubs…because that is not how I behave. I don’t care how much history there is. I actually recently cut off somebody who went back to elementary school. 

Post # 30
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

monique637 :  yikes! I should have glanced at your other threads before commenting. 

Your husband is a douche. You can’t change him, but you should think about why you tolerate his bad behavior and make excuses for him. You seem to blame his friends or his nephews for all of his bad behavior. He’s a grown ass man and a father of 3!

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