Post # 1
What a year 2020 has been…feel stupid complaining here, but its my feelings and I’ve thought them over.
A while back I had posted how I didn’t want the anniversary gifts my husband had chose for our October anniversary because they were from TJMaxx and I didn’t want TJmaxx jewelry he chose with his Dad for OUR anniversary. That was his dad’s MO and I wanted my husband to invent his own original gift ideas that mean a lot to me, not shitty TJMaxx jewelry.
Today is Christmas and he gifted me what I knew he got me for our anniversary (I had seen the velvet pouches a while back…) a nice pair of earrings that are pretty, but a horrible grandma necklace and a jewelry travel case that may or may not be useful. I got a pair of gloves that don’t fit and aren’t waterproof like I asked and a gift certificate I like and will use, so that’s the upside.
I am just really annoyed because all of my gifts I gave were super thoughtful and planned and getting the anniversary gifts in addition to some other very small xmas gifts just felt like “bam” okay here’s stuff you probably won’t like anyway or that he was just trying to pass them off as well-planned xmas gifts.
I wanted a dash cam for my car and a interior detail clean. I made that clear or said maybe a nice piece of jewelry because he asks what I want. The TJ’s earrings that were originally for our anniversary are nice (14k gold) but feel flimsy, I feel like he cheaped out on me and I feel so blah and angry.
Thanks and sorry if this is bratty but he is ALWAYS letting me down in this way. I tried to gently express honest and he got angry. Maybe he should just stop giving me gifts alltogether because they come with such emotional bs.
Post # 2
Go buy yourself exactly what you want for Christmas and let go of any expectations from him. Some people are just terrible gift givers.
From a woman whose husband bought her an undercoat for her car. He told me I needed to get it; I didn’t ask for this amazing gift lol. It was also done a month before Christmas so it wasn’t a surprise Christmas day. Honorable mention gifts: a USB stick and a key to his house while we were dating…. a full year after I gave him a key to my place on a regular old day, and not as a gift.
Post # 3
I read some of the past threads and it seems like your husband has a pattern of not being considerate towards your needs/ being cheap. So this seems like a larger issue than Christmas.
Post # 4
This just sounds like incompatible love languages. You have to tell him. Gifts MEAN something. What’s his love language? Give him an example of you half- assing it. It’s bratty- totally. I get it. People are going to make you feel like an A hole for caring about “stuff”.. but I get it.. Part of my love langue is gifts and I care so much if I get what I ask for or not. I care because paying attention and giving me what I WANT matters whether it’s a pair of socks or a diamond ring. You have to discuss it with him- because you know damn well if you just call off all future gift giving, that will piss you off every holiday… come at him calmly. Not bratty. Remind him it’s NOT about the earrings or the gloves.. it’s about him caring enough To listen to you and care about what you care about and make the effort to get it done. Imagine his love language being physical touch and you gave him a pat on the back every 5 months and then vomited on his shoes right afterwards…
Post # 5
I think you just need to accept that your husband is not a particularly good gift giver. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It doesn’t mean he didn’t put thought or care into the gifts he gave you. All it means is that he’s not all that good at interpreting your wants or remembering that you requested certain things or choosing items that you would choose for yourself. And that’s all okay! Gift giving truly is a skill, and some people simply aren’t that good at it.
I say this with kindness, but these complains do come across as pretty bratty. It’s okay to feel your feelings, but I think it would help you a lot to really put your situation in perspective. You have a husband, a life partner, someone who loves you and who has chosen to spend his life with you. You told him you’d like some jewelry and he got you some jewelry… and you’re focusing instead on how what he gave to you is not high enough quality? Aren’t there any other blessings in your life you could choose to focus on instead?
I’m sorry, Bee. I hope I don’t come across as mean, because that’s not my intention! I’m just hoping that you can put your own situation in perspective. I think that adjusting your mindset around gift giving might help you in all of this. You don’t have to love every gift you receive, but it important to practice gratitude and embrace the spirit of giving and love that was behind the gift. And then maybe after Christmas you can treat yourself by buying yourself some things that you really wanted 🙂
And I think you should apologize to your husband for complaining about his gifts. How would you feel if you lovingly selected a gift and it was rejected by your partner for not being good enough? That’s a pretty bad way to treat your loved one on Christmas.
Post # 6
💯 agree. He is cheap and selfish. From now on, buy him gifts from tjmax with the same effort that he gives you, and use the rest of your money to buy yourself what you want.
Post # 7
read OPs past threads about her husband and money.
Post # 8
Thanks all — I’m over reacting especially on Christmas! I appreciate your kinds thoughts and words here and time on Christmas day. I won’t steal your time any further. Have the best rest of your days, and know i appreciate your sound advice and insights here. Regards, Bee.