Husbands hobby is taking a lot of his time

posted 1 year ago in Toronto
Post # 3
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

This is such a bizarre post. It’s great that he has a hobby he cares about. Is there anyway you can participate sometimes? More importantly, have you had a direct conversation with him about your concerns?

Post # 4
Member
4074 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

So he’s too busy to have sex with you…because he’s trying to get his fish to have sex? Odd. Your post is a little all over the place. Are you upset because he went back to work and spends all his free time with his fish? Just talk to him about it.

Post # 5
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

Great topic for couples counseling 

Post # 7
Member
3037 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@wifetobe6:  So, there’s nothing wrong with your husband having his own hobby and interests. He’s employed, helping with your daughter or chores…he sounds like a good man and partner. You just want to spend more time with him. There’s nothing wrong with that either. I think a simple conversation could resolve this. Just tell him, “honey, I’d really like it if we could carve out some one on one time for us tonight, one time a week…” or however often you need. Problem solved. Congrats on the baby on the way!

Post # 8
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

You need to have a chat about building in some family only time.

He’s entitled to a hobby, so are you, but for the benefit of both of you and your daughter, you need to spend quality time together as a family.

Set aside x hours a week for the three of you to do things. Film night, arts and crafts, baking, games night etc.

Once life is back to normal with this virus, there will be loads to do

 

I’m not sure why counseling has been suggested, this is probably something you are able to organise between you.

Post # 9
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I’m just really glad he’s not breading them, to be honest.

Post # 10
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Can you go downstairs too w the baby and watch him geek on his fish? My husband doesn’t have a hobby per day but always has things on his to do list almost every day. Some are really time consuming and he asks if I would like to hang out w him while he does his thing. Sometimes he’s fixing his truck or car and I’m just sitting there on a stool. Sometimes he needs to pick something up from someone or somewhere and I take that silly car ride.  Idk how big your basement is but maybe you can set up some baby things in there to hang out? I know it makes my husband happy for me to just be there and I take minimal interest in his things. Maybe he can watch the baby and you can take a whack a breeding the fish? 

Post # 11
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

First of all your post is not “bizarre” or all over the place. Ignore that, its actually a pretty common issues that a lot of new moms especially feel. Secondly, I know exactly how you feel, especially if you have a newborn and are home with her all day. Its normal to crave human contact and intimacy at the end of the day. He may not need it as much as you especially if he’s engaged with work or a hobby.  I think you just have to be vulnerable with him, while trying not to be accusatory. Let him know you miss spending time with him and would love to reconnect.Maybe try to designate a time of day or week to try to talk, watch a tv show, be intimate. 

Also is it possible for you to pick up a fun hobby too to distract yourself.  A master class, a craft, something just for you, that you always wanted to try. Hang in there, and communicate with him that you miss the intimacy.

Post # 12
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It seems that his day is already packed pretty full. Maybe he honestly needs this downtime without having to interact with or be responsible to another human being? Idk. I’d give him a break, but also set to carve out some couple time, here or there.  Not every minute of every day has to be about his responsibilities.

Post # 13
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

How about going downstairs with him. Guys are weird. He might really appreciate it f you took an interest in his hobby. Believe me, after 38 years of marriage, someday you’ll be glad he has a hobby that keeps him home, but busy. Find yourself a hobby to do in the basement while he’s tending his fish. 

Post # 14
Member
294 posts
Helper bee

It’s obvious your love language is Quality Time, just remind him of that. Maybe set a couple of days whereby he doesn’t tend to his fish. 

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