(Closed) Husband's little sister had a fling with his closest friend- tough situation

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 136
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

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soexcited123 :  

The SIL and her brother’s friend had sex long before he was in a relationship and ended it though. 

Sex after the break up was not the first time they hooked up. 

Post # 137
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

She’s a big girl and is able to make her own decisions. 

With regard to how you should handle the situation: stay out of it. 

Post # 139
Member
7351 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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wildroses :  His friend who is also friends with her sister who is the only other person she really talks to but whom she hasn’t told about this situation (as far as you know).

She’s a grown woman, OP. She wasn’t trying to let things slip to big brother when she was sneaking around getting that good good. She just wants him to know now, when she’s hoping there will be negative consequences for A. If she’s old enough to consensually choose to ride a dick, she is old enough to deal with the situation when the man attached to that dick says, “Thanks but no thanks.” without suddenly needing to get her brother involved. 

Post # 141
Member
597 posts
Busy bee

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wildroses : Yes, she really needs to be the ONE to tell her brother what happened w/ his best friend – not you! 

Post # 142
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I can understand why your husband would be annoyed. I once had a friend lie to me and sneak around with my brother when we were teenagers. Not ok. It’s like she became my friend to get with my brother. 

Post # 143
Member
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Echoing PPs that she needs to put her big girl underwear on and tell her brother herself if she’s so desperate for him to know about this situation. It has nothing to do with you and she has no right to drag you into it. You being involved could also be impact YOUR interactions with the family, so best to just let her figure out how to communicate as an adult on her own.

Post # 144
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

She hooked up with him four years ago and has been in plenty of social situations with him since, she needs to be a grown up and realize he will be around just like he always has. When you decided to start something with someone in your social circle/ family circle you have to be grown up enough to deal with the consequences. It’s also rufe to put others in your social circle in the middle. It’s not fair to you. If you feel like you need to do something, you could ask the best friend about it when your husband is out of the room so that you actually have both sides of the story. And maybe as an internet person I just want to hear his side hahaha

My best friend actually did hook uo with my little brother. Six years younger than her. She told me because she felt guilty and thought I would hate her forever! I was like, look you are both adults, that’s gross youve known him since he was like seven but whatever. However, it’s weird to be around both of them at the same time and I wish I didn’t know. We all pretend it didn’t happen and I would never know if I didnt know so I wish I just didnt know. I feel like it was selfish of her to tell me just to get rid of her guilt.

 It’s odd to me that everyone is so close, and she apparently thought they were giving it a real shot, but she didn’t feel the need to tell her brother. Considering she started a relationship with his best friend you would think this would be step one. It makes me think, it probably started out like it did last time.

Also being sulky and visibly upset a month later, just the last time you saw her, if this was a real issue why wasn’t she like this the a month ago on the day it happened or when he wasn’t talking to her. If she really thought he had been so terribly why does she still have feelings for him and is still texting him.

It seems like they started hooking up, she had a fantasy of them being together and caught feelings so he ended things as it was just a fling, and she freaked out and started harrassing him. Which is when he told her this was a giant mistake!

Post # 146
Member
5244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Can we stop saying that he ghosted her or treated her poorly?  Breaking up with someone is not treating them poorly, breaking up with someone and not maintaining contact after is not ghosting them.  

Right now SIL’s only point is “that guy broke up with me and now won’t text me back, I’m going to get my big brother”. 

Post # 147
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

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wildroses :  

Why are you unsure if you want to ask the friend anything? It shouldn’t even be a question. Be quiet and mind your own business. 

Honestly, it seems like you are enjoying being put in the middle of this and you like the drama. 

Post # 148
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee

Hooking up with siblings friends is so common. It also comes with risks that both parties know about. If she wants to share then she can, she doesn’t have to listen to his wishes. I’m Not sure what’s the purpose of him knowing. 

Yeah, it sucks if he lead her on and he could have handled it better. But it sounds like he came put of a relationship and hooked up with someone he knew and had hooked up with before and went out a few times. At the time thought wanted more and she fell for it. Then realised it was a fling and broke up over text. Not the optimal situation but not exactly terrible.

Post # 149
Member
2133 posts
Buzzing bee

My little brother hooked up with all of my friends. He’s a handsome guy, but it sure was annoying when he started dating my best friend and I had to hear all about her ‘first time’. Ick. 

I would not be happy if I found out my spouse was keeping a secret from me about my own family member or best friend, but I suppose people are entitled to have secrets from me, even my own family and friends. Regardless, I can’t get past the behavior of your sister-in-law here. Incredibly immature, incredibly spiteful, incredibly gross. I don’t care how nice a person she is, right now she’s behaving in a way that’s completely inappropriate. She’s trying to manipulate you, her brother, and his best friend all at once, and being used like that would make me feel completely sick to my stomach. 

You are well within your rights to say nothing. If you have to tell your husband, I would stick to the facts and let him know that it seems like the sister is trying to manipulate everyone into punishing the friend. I would remind him that we don’t have both sides and suggest that we just pretend it didn’t happen. She made it your business but probably the best medicine for her behavior is for her brother to have no reaction. If she asks about it, he can tell her that it’s not his business. 

Post # 150
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

She wants to punish the friend by telling your husband, hoping your husband will go and defend the honour of his baby sister by telling him off, humiliating him and cutting him off as a friend. Frankly I think it’s ridiculous.

Everyone who is blaming your husband for interfering has the wrong end of the stick. There’s no indication that he’s controlling or possessive towards his sister, but it looks like she clearly wants him to display these behaviours in her favour to get back at A.

Don’t get involved. And if she does tell your husband, tell him the right thing to do, as sad as it is to hear that a family member has been hurt, is to stay out of it and not get angry at the friend. He has every right to not wish to pursue a relationship for whatever reason, and the fact that the woman just so happens to be his friend’s sister doesn’t change that. 

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