Husband's strange "cousin"

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Yes, this seems really strange to me. If your husband agrees that she crosses lines and is uncomfortable with some of the conversations, does he want to maintain a relationship with her? I think so long as you agree that the interactions are odd and he doesnt participate in inappropriate conversations/tells you about them, I dont think you have to worry much. I’d encourage him to end the relationship if he is not comfortable with the conversations they have and doesnt intend on meeting her. 

Post # 3
Member
6320 posts
Bee Keeper

Lol very strange. Did he ever validate that is somehow related? 

Post # 4
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This seems really odd to me, too. Did he confirm that they are actually 2nd cousins? It sounds like your husband is trying to be nice, but that it has also gotten to be a bit too much. Are there any other (female, perhaps) family members he can put her in contact with? Does she ever suggest meeting up? It sounds to me like she’s lonely, doesn’t have many friends, and is unhappy in her marriage.

Post # 5
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you really think they might be second cousins? It sounds fake to me and that she just uses your husband for attention. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s doing this with multiple men.

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2022

violet90 :  100% weird. If you and your husband agree she talks to him strangely, then it might be best they don’t meet up IRL. Maybe he doesn’t have to cut her off, but let your Darling Husband know how uncomfortable her messages make you.

Post # 7
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

violet90 :  Definitely strange, I hope he’s confirmed that this is actually a relative before just befriending someone on the internet… who knows who this person could actually be…

Post # 8
Member
4468 posts
Honey bee

It seems strange, but I’ve known people like that, too, who are mostly harmless.  They crave attention, negative or positive, and are always trying to talk themselves up to get people to agree with their self-flattery and draw attention to themselves.  They are attracted to drama and self-victimization to get people to show how much they care for them.  They overexaggerate the deepness of even their most tenuous relationships as a form of self-flattery to show others how desirable they are in any capacity.  Strangely, most of these people have also been alcoholics, but I don’t know if there is any causation there.

Your husband seems like he is equally unimpressed and able to set good boundaries, so I probably would worry about it too much.  He can handle it and cut her off as appropriate when he feels it is completely beyond his boundary.

Post # 10
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

She lives a long way from us so there really isn’t an opportunity for them to even meet in person.   Ummmm how do you know this?  You should really verify that this is actually a blood relation.  

Oooh girl, its coming…..the proposition.  Might be money, might be coming for a “visit”, might be something else entirely….but its coming. 

Sorry, that’s the cynic in me.

Post # 11
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

Are you even sure that she is a female with a husband? What if it’s a catfishing murderer? 

So strange…

Post # 12
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

If its been a few years now I think an ulterior motive would have revealed itself. Definitely odd though. Personally I would delve deeper to establish if she is in fact related but if your D.H doesn’t care to do that then he could either tell her to stop contacting him or humour her slightly odd style of communication.

Post # 13
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like she has an unusual personality, but having an unusual personality doesn’t preclude her from also being his cousin.  Then again, being someone’s cousin doesn’t mean you have to be friends with them.  I feel like if he wants to get to know his “cousin”, then he should definitely seek confirmation on whether or not she actually is his cousin.  If he doesn’t want to get to know her, then it doesn’t really matter either way – he should just stop making conversation with her (not necessarily ghosting – maybe just a polite short reply to messages, but not offer any further information about himself or his life).

Post # 14
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think there’s a pretty good chance they are not related at all. She could have picked the “second cousin” designation because it’s harder to trace and verify than a closer relationship like first cousin. It seems weird to me that a real second cousin would even make contact — they are barely related even if it is true. Although it’s already been a few years, I wouldn’t be surprised if she eventually asked for money or some other kind of favor. Given her bizarre conversation (and her attempted instigation of drama by asking your husband if she “offended him.” Classic move), I would completely ghost. Giving her an explanation will only fuel the fire. Just stop communicating.

Post # 15
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It is hard for me to believe that in the course of this, they’ve never once discussed who her real parents are and what the family connection is. Second cousin is fairly close, it’s not like a far-off relative. I understand that men oversimplify things at times, but it’s awfully strange that he hasn’t looked into this. Something isn’t right.

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