Post # 1
A few years ago some woman contacted my husband on Facebook out of the blue and told him she was adopted at birth and thought she was his second cousin. They have texted off and on, and chatted on the phone a few times. But some of her messages are really strange and a little too personal for my comfort level. He finds them a bit much at times also.
Yesterday she messaged him and told him she was having foot surgery,then proceeded to tell him how hard she works to stay in shape and states that she has beautiful hands and feet. He replies something along the lines of we all have our problems (meaning I know what you mean) and how he has oral surgery coming up. She replies back that she was sorry if she offended him and states she thought his response was weird! So he says he is sorry if he hurt her feelings….
Then she goes on to say how lonely she is and how her husband doesn’t treat her well, and thenfollows that up with how deeply she loves and wears her heart on her sleeve, etc. This isn’t the first time she has gotten a bit personal and strange. She once told my husband that her husband was jealous of their “friendship”. By the way, they have never met….
I told my husband that I wasn’t really comfortable with some of her communications with him and they seemed way over the top coming from some long lost cousin you have never met. He pretty much agreed. I think she is one of those that seeks attention fom men personally and she seems very self absorbed and full of herself.
Just looking for some objectivity here, does this seem as strange to others???
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Yes, this seems really strange to me. If your husband agrees that she crosses lines and is uncomfortable with some of the conversations, does he want to maintain a relationship with her? I think so long as you agree that the interactions are odd and he doesnt participate in inappropriate conversations/tells you about them, I dont think you have to worry much. I’d encourage him to end the relationship if he is not comfortable with the conversations they have and doesnt intend on meeting her.
Post # 3
Lol very strange. Did he ever validate that is somehow related?
Post # 4
This seems really odd to me, too. Did he confirm that they are actually 2nd cousins? It sounds like your husband is trying to be nice, but that it has also gotten to be a bit too much. Are there any other (female, perhaps) family members he can put her in contact with? Does she ever suggest meeting up? It sounds to me like she’s lonely, doesn’t have many friends, and is unhappy in her marriage.
Post # 5
Do you really think they might be second cousins? It sounds fake to me and that she just uses your husband for attention. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s doing this with multiple men.
Post # 6
violet90 : 100% weird. If you and your husband agree she talks to him strangely, then it might be best they don’t meet up IRL. Maybe he doesn’t have to cut her off, but let your Darling Husband know how uncomfortable her messages make you.
Post # 7
violet90 : Definitely strange, I hope he’s confirmed that this is actually a relative before just befriending someone on the internet… who knows who this person could actually be…
Post # 8
It seems strange, but I’ve known people like that, too, who are mostly harmless. They crave attention, negative or positive, and are always trying to talk themselves up to get people to agree with their self-flattery and draw attention to themselves. They are attracted to drama and self-victimization to get people to show how much they care for them. They overexaggerate the deepness of even their most tenuous relationships as a form of self-flattery to show others how desirable they are in any capacity. Strangely, most of these people have also been alcoholics, but I don’t know if there is any causation there.
Your husband seems like he is equally unimpressed and able to set good boundaries, so I probably would worry about it too much. He can handle it and cut her off as appropriate when he feels it is completely beyond his boundary.
Post # 9
I will try to reply to everyone’s questions at once… No, he has never verified that they are actually related in some way, he knows very little about his family geneology and doesn’t even seem to be entirely clear how they are actually related! Yes, I know…. He is an only child and his dad was an only child and so he has very little in the way of family, so at first I think he was kind of excited to learn he had a new family member. I am honestly not convinced she is even legit. I told him that and he asked why someone would lie about something like that and I said “honey, people pull all kinds of bizarre things…”.
He is not really that worried about maintaining a relationship with her at all and she lives a long way from us so there really isn’t an opportunity for them to even meet in person. I think he is a bit sad to “lose” a family member since he has little family, but again, I am not convinced this story isn’t BS. She is just really odd and some of the things she says to him I wouldn’t dream about saying to some random cousin I had never met (like how deeply I loved, etc.).
I do think she is seeking attention, absolutely. I saw one of her FB pics once and it creeped me out – it was one of those “toes in the sand” pics at the beach, yet in actuality it was a close up of her crotch in a bikini. Eeww….
Anyway, she is weirding me out and he agrees and said he has no problem telling her that her some of her messages make both of us uncomfortable and it is better that they not correspond.
I just wanted to see if I was overreacting here or if this seemed really bizarre to others.
Post # 10
She lives a long way from us so there really isn’t an opportunity for them to even meet in person. Ummmm how do you know this? You should really verify that this is actually a blood relation.
Oooh girl, its coming…..the proposition. Might be money, might be coming for a “visit”, might be something else entirely….but its coming.
Sorry, that’s the cynic in me.
Post # 11
Are you even sure that she is a female with a husband? What if it’s a catfishing murderer?
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
If its been a few years now I think an ulterior motive would have revealed itself. Definitely odd though. Personally I would delve deeper to establish if she is in fact related but if your D.H doesn’t care to do that then he could either tell her to stop contacting him or humour her slightly odd style of communication.
Post # 13
It sounds like she has an unusual personality, but having an unusual personality doesn’t preclude her from also being his cousin. Then again, being someone’s cousin doesn’t mean you have to be friends with them. I feel like if he wants to get to know his “cousin”, then he should definitely seek confirmation on whether or not she actually is his cousin. If he doesn’t want to get to know her, then it doesn’t really matter either way – he should just stop making conversation with her (not necessarily ghosting – maybe just a polite short reply to messages, but not offer any further information about himself or his life).
Post # 14
I think there’s a pretty good chance they are not related at all. She could have picked the “second cousin” designation because it’s harder to trace and verify than a closer relationship like first cousin. It seems weird to me that a real second cousin would even make contact — they are barely related even if it is true. Although it’s already been a few years, I wouldn’t be surprised if she eventually asked for money or some other kind of favor. Given her bizarre conversation (and her attempted instigation of drama by asking your husband if she “offended him.” Classic move), I would completely ghost. Giving her an explanation will only fuel the fire. Just stop communicating.
Post # 15
It is hard for me to believe that in the course of this, they’ve never once discussed who her real parents are and what the family connection is. Second cousin is fairly close, it’s not like a far-off relative. I understand that men oversimplify things at times, but it’s awfully strange that he hasn’t looked into this. Something isn’t right.