I have tears in my eyes reading so many comments from all of you. Thank you for caring.
I’m sorry I wasn’t very clear on my last update, only my cousins and Father-In-Law know that I’m not with Husband, but Father-In-Law does not know where I’m staying. My grandmother passed 2 years ago and we only use her house for family gatherings, Christmas dinners and such as it can accomodate 15+ people. We all (cousins, aunts, uncles) have keys, but so far no one has come by. Husband never got a key.
For a while we both stopped all contact, then he apologized but not a real apology. It was one of those “I’m sorry you feel that way” kind of ‘apologies’. He claimed the reason he blows up is because of lack of attention and love from me- being on my phone too much, paying too muh attention to my siblings, not listening to his daily struggles. He says he hits me because it’s the only way I really, truly look at him.
I’m honestly terrified at everything he said. He doesn’t see me as a person, only as someone to love and care for him 24/7 and is willing to do anything to get what he wants from me.
I have blocked his number and he hasn’t reached out to me again.
I’m still writting in my journal and facing memories I had pushed back. Back in college there was one time he came to pick me up, we argued (don’t remember what it was about) and I told him I would be getting a ride with a friend. He dragged me into his car. Then punched me in the throat and tried to choke me with one arm as he drove away from campus. How did I allow all of this to happen, I still don’t get.
Other times, when there were other people around but he was mad about whatever, he would pretend to kiss me but would bite me instead/ pretend he was putting his arm around me to pull me in closer but would actually pinch my back/thights/ arms.
I went through our facebook conversations and I found multiple photos of bruises/marks that I sent him after each “episode”. He never once took responsibility.
I think at this point he’s not interested in convencing me to go back. He might even file for divorce himself, that’s fine, I would prefer it thay way.
Once again, thank you all for your support. You guys have no idea how much it means to me at this point in my life.