Husband's violent behavior

posted 11 months ago in Emotional
Post # 106
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Hi Bee just here to say: it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

Post # 107
Member
2039 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so sorry bee. You did nothing wrong. You are an innocent victim and there are no words to describe that man and what he has put you through 

I am so sorry this is happening. You are doing so well and I hope you celebrate your strength and courage  every day going forward

Things will get better now that you are away from him. I’m very relieved to know that his dad doesn’t know where you’re staying.

You are doing great! We are here for you cheering you on 

Post # 108
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I hope you find strenght to walk away..this will only get worse. I hope you’re okay

Post # 109
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

My cousin went through this with her husband. She divorced him, they got back together (not remarried but she considered it) and it got even worse! She didn’t tell us at first, but we could see the little changes in her behavior– she would cry sometimes or be irritable for no apparent reason, which in 30 years of growing up with her– wasn’t her; she would separate from us and change her mind a lot. If we had plans, all of the sudden they’re canceled. Going shopping together– not today. She would even change her mind about going to the grocery store, when she needed too. My mom noticed it the most and asked her if she was ok. My cousin would Wear long sleeves in summer or scarves to cover marks. My aunt eventually just opened up and asked her flat out about everything and my cousin finally told her. Her husband was controlling, and abusive. She changed her mind a lot because he would fight her on her choices- take her keys, take her phone, not let her go to the store or out with her friends if he didn’t fell like she should go. He would pinch, smack and push her. He would get mad at small things and say that he just has a short fuse. She said that all time He would tell her things about herself that weren’t true, belittle her and try to get her to believe it. If she liked to paint he would say that she’s bad at drawing with no vision. Just horrible things. And you know what’s crazy– my mom went through all that and more at the hands of my father. She was the most concerned before we all realized the worst of it (especially with the long sleeves in summer and always changing plans and not texting/calling after) it’s crazy that the pattern and stories are irrily similar but with different abusive men. 

These men don’t change. I don’t know how it happens but there’s something wired in the behavior and even if they repent, go to therapy, get clean or have anger management classes– somehow the pattern of abuse and control seeps back through. Bee, please please be safe– confidein your family, don’t be embarrassed or afraid to tell them and if you ever need to talk– don’t hesitate to PM me. xx 

Post # 110
Member
1372 posts
Bumble bee

Didn’t forget about you! Hope you are ok.

Post # 111
Member
10705 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Still thinking of you …….

Post # 112
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
@Viviana2:  it is sad that this has happened and it’s always sad when a marriage ends. Please don’t go back call a hotline see a counselor do not go back to this man this is only going to get worse. 

I saw it happen in my family where someone was embarrassed they spent years rationalizing that things could get better that things could get fixed just please don’t do that. This will down the road result in broken teeth, bruises that you’ll try to cover up. but it’s just a matter of time before people are going to figure out what’s going on anyhow. He’s not worth it, anyone who behaves like this is not truly capable of loving anyone, please get out of this, you can do what you can find a better way for yourself. 

 

Post # 113
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
@Viviana2:  none of this is your fault but as you say you’ve got pictures of bruises, do you have any responses where he’s admitted to what he’s done at all? Aside from everything else I think he need to be talking to the police. You’ve been assaulted it’s not legal and he should pay for what he’s done.

even if you do divorce him there’s going to be somebody else down the line that he’s going to hurt. I think you should talk to the authorities

Post # 114
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

I just read this whole thread, and I am so sad and so sickened by the terrible things that people are capable of.  You said at one point that your father-in-law was not very supportive.  I think it’s almost impossible for people to be objective about their own kids, sorry to say.  

Sounds like you have definitely had enough, and realize there is zero hope for your marriage.  I am grateful for that.  I am sorry you have suffered so much at the hands of this man.  He blamed you for things like being on your phone too much?  Well, no one is perfect, and NOTHING would ever justify a man being physically violent toward a woman (short of being physically attacked by the woman).  As far as feeling bad about your marriage ending, and when you said “I do” you really meant it to be forever, he is the one who irretrievably and single-handedly ruined your marriage.

Good luck bee, I totally wish you the best.  And this is a lesson to all of us – red flags should never be ignored.

 

Post # 115
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

I too am hoping you are OK and have notified the authorities and your close family of the situation, you did the right thing by moving out and I hope you are safe 

I have been in an abusive situation as well and it’s the most humiliating thing ever to tell people you love that you have been abused (cue the “how did I let this happen, how could I be so naive” thoughts) but it was the best possible thing I could do for myself to tell them what happened. If they love you no matter what there will be no judgement whatsoever and everyone will rally around you. You know who those people are ! 

Post # 116
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I remember this thread. I wanted to reply, though I don’t know if I commented already, but just know manipulators and abusers will always spin it around on you and make you feel like you’re the one doing the abusing. It’s part of projection as well as gaslighting. Hopefully you’re out of that awful situation. You would never have been heard or validated, only made to feel like it’s your fault and the cycle would continue. Simply awful. Being abused physically, then mentally abused into thinking it’s your fault and that you caused it. Absolutely untrue. It’s all abuse towards you.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors