(Closed) husband's work ruins holidays

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Aliso Viejo Conference Center

It could be worse my boyfriend works Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. He will probably be stuck on the New Years Eve & New Years Day shift too. He also worked Thanksgiving…. It sounds like you guys might want to sit down and talk about how you feel about this. I think it would help you guys in the long run :] 

Post # 18
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So this was your arrangement before you were even engaged and you have decided that nothing will ever change? You are married now. Grow up. My husband is a firefighter and will be working Christmas Day, so I’ll be going to my family’s celebration by myself. But I’m an adult and perfectly capable of doing things alone, and I will be with him when I can. The idea that you believe it would be reasonable to demand he quit his job is not reasonable, mature, or stable. I think therapy is a fantastic idea, but not for the reasons you suggested. You obviously have some resentment issues to work through in your relationship. 

Post # 19
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Or I could go without him, but we’d have to ring in the new year separately and I hate being without him at family parties because people always ask about him, like I’m not a complete person without him there, and I hate that.

I really thought you were going to say that you would miss him.  What was I thinking? 

I think you need to reevaluate your relationship and your idea of a relationship.  Most professionals get one day off for Christmas and one day for New Years.  You make due and figure it out…not sit around a whine about it.    

Post # 20
Member
9276 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Maybe being grateful that he has a job might be a great thing to do at Christmas. Many families are struggling with having to survive on no wage and no job on the horizon. Count your blessings.

Post # 21
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is this a joke? Grow up. You can’t hold the fact that you moved over his head for the rest of your lives. Things change. It’s called being an adult.

Be happy he even has a job for you to have these problems. 

Post # 22
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t see why you can’t see your family more.  You’re a teacher, you have off all summer and that long break for Christmas.  Why don’t you just go up there and have him join you on the days he can.  Can you get him a flight to your parents place?  That could ease that 10hour round trip drive?

I think you need to let go some of the anger at the situation also. Things change and not everyone makes it home for every single holiday.

Post # 23
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Take a step back and listen to yourself. 

You think you have a right to demand he quit his job because it is requiring him to work at holiday time? Really? A day or two with your family is more important than his career and your financial security as a couple?

You sound really bitter about having to move still after 4 years and I’d bet your insistance on harping on that is wearing your husband’s patience thin.

I think you need to get over the fact you had to move and start acting like an adult rather than making ludicrous demands when you don’t get your way.

I get to see my parents 2-3 times a year max because I moved internationally for my husband’s job. I also gave up my job when I moved. We made the move because it was a great career move for him, but I am in no way bitter or unhappy about it. We are a team and do what is best for us. 

Post # 25
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Like PP have said, be thankful that you both have a job. If you really.want to see your family for the holidays, go see them without him. Don’t resent him for having responsibilities. And you saying that you equal him not calling into work to cheating is rediculous.

Post # 26
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

“Your family” is now your husband. THAT is the family that is most important. Not saying you ditch your family of origin, but it’s time for you to grow up and support your husband. Or, realize that you aren’t really upholding all YOUR vows (forsaking all others is about more than just infidelity…. It’s about putting your husband FIRST, before ANYONE else) and get a divorce. 

Post # 27
Member
4799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@3xaCharm:  This too, I’m so g;ad someone touched on it because it’s so very true! 

Post # 28
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Everybody siiiiiiiimmer. I agree with all of you but it’s getting a little harsh.

That is all. xo

Post # 29
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Heyyyy…  

Been thinking about this one.  I wasn’t going to respond because the other Bee’s are saying exactly what I’m thinking.  But I can’t help myself.

Your thread is titled that your husband’s job will ruin your holidays.  NO.  What will ruin your holidays is your attitude.  I feel for the guy, really.  How understanding, kind and loving of a wife are you? 

Do you realize when you married this man HE became your new family? 

You can ruin the holidays for your husband, his family and yourself by how you choose to handle this issue and how you choose to react to the circumstances. 

Honestly, you sound selfish, spoiled and entitled in your original post.  You’re considering trying to force your husband to quit his job over this?  And you’re considering dragging him into counseling because of .. um …  what, exactly?  Because you can’t see your Mommy on Christmas Day?  What are you, 5? 

Seeking counseling is a good idea.  I’m sure the counselor would have some insight for your husband, although you may not like what the counselor has to say.  It’s not going to be that you’re in any way right about this issue.

Post # 30
Member
2415 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m pretty sure if I ever told SO to leave his job because he had to work on a holiday, he would leave me. In this day and age, jobs are hard to come by and you should be thankful that you both have them. I have to work Christmas Eve and so does SO. He may even have to work Christmas Day. Do I have a problem with that? Yes, BUT I am in no way shape or form in a place to tell him that he needs to choose between his job and me.

Like PP said, I think you need to reevaluate your relationship.

Post # 31
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@WillyNilly:    Oops.  Should I edit?  Lol. 

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