(Closed) Hygiene and Attractiveness/Intimacy… Ugh.

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can’t imagine being intimate with a man who is not clean. Is this new behavior for him or was he like this when you met him?

If this is new behavior there may be medical issues involved such as depression.

If he has always been like this, he is likely going to wonder why you are having a problem now.

If he were my partner, I would tell him that his lack of hygiene was interfering with my ability to get intimate with him and that I needed him to rasie the bar in the cleanliness arena.

Post # 4
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honey, you’re just going to have to be blunt. I’m sorry, but he needs to know how it affects you!!  You shouldn’t have to hold your breath and suppress the gag reflex just to have sex!   Basic hygiene is not asking too much.

Post # 5
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I totally agree with Julies1949. I couldn’t be intimate with my husband if he weren’t clean and didn’t take care of himself. I don’t think he will change unless you are open and honest with him, since he obviously doesn’t have a problem with his hygiene. I would tell him nicely that you would appreciate it if he would shower more often and wash his hands more frequently. Tell him you don’t like to be intimate unless both of you are clean and fresh. He may get upset, but if you don’t say something, nothing will change, right? I would start off being nice about it, but if things don’t change then I would be more firm and simply tell him that he needs to do these things in order for you to be comfortable and happy. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How can you date someone if you are repulsed by them?  I couldn’t deal with that either. Gross

Post # 7
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This would be a serious dealbreaker for me.  A guy who can’t even keep himself clean, or doesn’t care to keep himself clean, says something in itself. 

Post # 8
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe you could tell him that you are worried about being intimate with him when his nails are long and his hands are dirty because it could cause infections down there?  It’s true so it’s not like you are just making something up to get him to clean himself.

Post # 9
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If he hasn’t showered and such, and you don’t want to have sex with him, then don’t.  If talking doesn’t work, not getting sex might, and even if it doesn’t, you won’t have to put it up with the same way.

Post # 10
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Gross.  I would cut off all intimacy until he cleaned up his act.  (Pun intended)

Post # 11
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am sorry dear. My fiance has bad breath almost all the time, but it is because of his acid reflux and he has sour stomach a lot so sometimes it makes me gag, I know its not his fault but i feel bad when i cannot kiss him in fear that I throw up. I feel bad when i am constantly telling him to brush his teeth and rinse his mouth =( but yea you shouldn’t have to deal with that nastiness, not just for the sake of sex! I cannot stand it when people don’t shower and what not its yucky. good luck!

Post # 12
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just be brutally honest and tell him he needs to step up his clean game. That is some foul business and he needs to fix it asap. It’s not nagging–it’s just not living in filth, that’s all!

Post # 13
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

start taking showers with him! that might motivate him 😉 just a thought lol

Post # 14
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@cyndistar3: I was just going to suggest this.

The two of you could share some intimate time in the shower soaping each other up. 🙂 I too would be blunt. Honey, I’m sorry but we cannot be intimate tonight because your personal hygiene routine really isn’t keeping up. I would be happy to have some snuggly time after you brushed your teeth and took a shower.

My SO is obsessive about his hygiene and it is one of the things I love the most about him. He smells amazing all the time, he brushes his teeth like 3 times a day and trys as hard as possible to keep up with his toes and nails. I wouldn’t be able to be with him if he were any other way.

Post # 15
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Two words…sex embargo.

Post # 16
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Some of that stuff I could deal with but the not brushing his teeth every night – that’s just gross and really unhealthy too! I would just be really blunt and be like Im not going to kiss you until you brush your teeth. If something about my husband is grossing me out (like his nose hair is sticking out or his breath smells bad at that time) I just straight up tell him.

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