- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Sorry if this has been done already. I didn’t see it.
I’m really struggling with what to call myself after I get married. I do like my FH’s name and want to incorporate it with mine, BUT it is very common and I have a professional identity around my maiden name that I don’t want to lose when I marry. I’m just starting professional school this summer after having a previous career, and I’m worried that if the people I know now through work miss the memo that I’m getting married in this grey period between quitting work and starting school, I’ll fall off their radars with the new name.
Socially, I’d like to use his name. Professionally, I’d like to use my maiden name but would be OK using dual last names (either hyphenated or double barrelled with no hyphen). Legally I feel that I should have both names primarily so that if/when we have kids (who will probably get his surname) we’ll all share a common name element.
I DON’T really want to drop my middle name for two reasons: (1) It was my grandma’s name and she passed away recently and I just don’t want to let go of it now; (2) I don’t think that having a maiden name as a middle name has as much “clout” in academia/professionally. It seems like middle names are often left out, so I’m worried that it would decrease the visibility of my maiden name.
So, the options are these:
(First Name) (Middle Name) (Last Name 1)-(Last Name 2)
(First Name) (Middle Name) (Last Name 1) (Last Name 2) (no hyphen, just space)
My entire name right now is 16 letters long (excluding spaces) and if I add his, it only adds 3. I usually go by my nickname, which is even shorter (shaves off 2 characters), and I don’t usually use my middle (5). It looks ginormous spelled out up there, but in daily use would be something like “Emily Vox-Aeur” or “Emily Auer Vox” without the cool last names (because those aren’t mine, I just made them up).
So my questions for the group:
1. Are hyphenated names really THAT BAD? There is a lot of hate towards them on the Internet.
2. Would having a space instead of a hyphen make things better or worse? My fear is that it will be even more confusing and people will be even more irritated by it but stylistically I like it better.
3. Is it worth it to try and have social/professional/legal separations of identities or to just pick one and use it everywhere?
4. Is there strategy to picking whose name goes first? I like the sound of his first but part of me thinks it makes more sense to keep mine first and then put his after.