Post # 1
I absolutely love my maiden name and had planned on hyphenating even before we were engaged. My FH last name is Smith, which i think is so boring (no offense to anyone that is a Smith) and when I say, hear, see Danielle Smith it just doesn’t feel like me! This is where the hyphen comes in. But when I tell people that I am hyphenating, they say, “oh, you’ll drop that” or ‘don’t you want the same last name as your family?”. The second comment I really don’t understand because I will have his last name! My last name is only 6 letters, so its not like I will have a super long last name. Basically I just want to know how do you get over the negative comments?
I should also say that my FH is slightly opposed to my hyphenating, but he understands. My family is supportive (my mom uses her maiden as middle) and his family hasn’t said much, although I think his mom would like it if i just took his name. I really don’t understand what the big deal is because I will ultimately be Danielle MaidenName-Smith and not just Danielle MaidenName.
Sorry about the vent, I don’t know anyone IRL that has hyphenated so you ladies are the first people that I have gotten to vent to!
Post # 3
First of all, you should do whatever you want, and all of the naysayers should just mind their own business!!
But… as someone who has spent her entire life with a hyphenated last name, I should warn you that I have grown to hate my last name. (My hyphenated last name is a combination of my mom’s and dad’s last names, since my mom kept her maiden name when she married.) There are a lot of things that are a huge pain about having a hyphenated last name. People are *always* asking you about it. You always have to spell it out on the phone and explain that there is a hyphen. A lot of credit cards, frequent flier programs, standardized tests, etc can not include the hyphen in your name in their computer systems. I could go on and on. So I’m just asking you to think some of these issues through before you hyphenate.
(This public service annoncement has been brought to you by the brigade against hyphenated names. But seriously, you should make the right decision for you!)
Post # 4
Thanks Skibobrown! Since I don’t know anyone that has a hyphenated last name, I haven’t heard any of the pros and cons about it. This is interesting to know. I don’t want our kids to have the hyphen, just me I guess the other option would be to do Danielle MiddleName MaidenName Smith, but having 4 names doesn’t seem like that much fun either. I’m definitely open to opinions!!!
Post # 5
Do whatevery you want! I would check with your state though since some have certain requirements about how you can and cannot change your name.
Post # 6
i’ve lived for 26 years with a hyphenated name (my parents both changed their name and hyphenated when they got married. hippies.) and it’s not a big deal at all. mine’s not even short (13 letters and 4 syllables). yeah it was a pain in school when we had to fill in those bubble tests. and yeah i have to spell it out for people (but that’s more because the first part is italian and people don’t get that it’s phonetic). anyway, i say do what feels right.
also in regards to your comment about moving it to your middle name (and keeping your old one). that’s sort of what i wanted to do, but when i went to get my license yesterday i found out it wasn’t an option. i guess if you want to change it differently you can always go the family court way, but… not sure if that’s worth the hassle.
Post # 7
i say go for it – BUT I understand the second poster’s issues – as I don’t have a hyphenated last name, but a hyphenated FIRST name.
My first name is Keri-Ann.
And I make sure everyone calls me that. As a kid I just went by “Keri” but my first name is “Keri-Ann” so I constantly have people ask “oh do you go by “keri” or “Keri-Ann”?
and yup – credit cards – tests – internet sites – phone calls. My license says “KERIANN” as do most credit cards…when i spell out my name “K.E.R.I ‘dash’ A.N.N” I’ve actually had people spell out the word “dash” or the word “hyphen” before (idiots…lol)
I love my name – don’t get me wrong – but it’s a bit of a pain.
Post # 8
In my grad school there are a lot of married women with hyphenated last names. We always get called on as Ms. or Mr. something or other, so it’s constantly noticeable. And some of their last names are quite unwieldy, 5+ syllable double barrelers. But, the professors always take them seriously and never try to shorten it to one name or the other, or give them a hard time. In the professional world, most people will respect your choice without question. Customer service is there to give you a hard time. That’s basically what they exist for.
On the plus side, hyphenation is getting much more common! Hopefully in another decade no one will pause for a second and every customer service program will be fixed.
Post # 9
Its so great to hear everyone’s opinions! Thank you so much for listening and actually giving thoughtful responses! Its funny that people that I’ve never met in person are more helpful than people in my everyday life. And that is why I LOVE Weddingbee!
Post # 10
i like hyphenated last names. A good hyphenated combo can pack a punch! Mine would have sounded beyond silly using it all the time so I just put my last as middle instead and never use my maiden now. People are attached to names for family reasons, but another thing to consider is that your name is your brand, so you might as well put one together that sounds awesome! If your Lastname-Smith sounds great and feels natural to you, you can just happily spell your new name out to nay-sayers on the phone.
Post # 11
I’m in the same boat as you. If I take my fiance’s last name, I’ll be “Abby Arnold”. *sigh* My maiden name is very unusual, less than 20 people in the United States have my last name. To go from something to unique to something so common is bugging me! He doesn’t want me to keep my maiden name, so I’m thinking about hyphenating too.
Post # 12
I agree with everyone that says do whatever is best for you and don’t worry about comments from other people outside of your own and your fiance’s. My fiance and I are currently debating what we want to do with our names upon marriage. I originally wanted him to take my name (yes, that is actually legal) but his mother who is very into geneology was not a fan of that idea at all. So we are back to the drawing board thinking about each keeping our own, me hyphenating or both of us hyphenating. It’s a tough decision to make and I think once you decide on your own, you should just stick with it and not worry about other people’s unsolicited feedback.
Big sigh for the whole decision process around what to do with a name upon marriage!
Post # 13
Im hypenating too. Im the last Bunner, so I wanted to carry on the name for as long as possible. Also my dad adopted me and gave me that name bc he loved me enough to. I cant give it away.
But Im kinda worried about all that stuff too.
Post # 14
I also have a hyphenated last name – 16 letters, 5 syllables, plus the hyphen, which I’ve had my whole life.
Your new last name sounds way shorter than mine, which will be a huge advantage. I wrote a post awhile ago talking about how to know if your new last name will be a huge pain or not: http://www.wedding-for-two.com/2009/10/lessons-from-hyphenate.html
My sister found, when she kept her last name, that it was very easy to just tell people “I’m keeping mine but the kids will have his.” It helped people’s sense of…whatever…about these things. My current response is, “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.” which is true.
I don’t actually agree that hyphenating is becoming more common, but I don’t think it’s becoming less common, and you sound like you really want to do this. I would recommend when you talk to people, just say, “yeah, maybe eventually but for now it feels right” in response to “oh, you’ll drop that” and when you are asked “don’t you want the same last name as your family?” just say, “yes, that is why I’m hyphenating” and act like they are the dumbest person on earth for not getting it.
Post # 15
one, why are you telling people what you are gonna do? its YOUR name. just give them a big fat “NUN-YA!!!” (hyphen pun intended)
but i plan on keeping ALL of my names and adding his, no hyphen. so my name will legally be firstname middlename mylastname hislastname. and anyone who has a problem with it can stick it.
for signature purposes i plan on doing myfirst mylast hislast.
Post # 16
I have nothing against hyphenations, but I had a professor in college whose last name was hyphenated. 16 letters and 5 syllables. No one ever called her by her last name, just “Professor.” Spaganya, you might know her because I’m thinking we went to the same college. Go Tribe?!