(Closed) Hyphenating- Drop Middle Name?

posted 7 years ago in Names
  • poll: Should I drop my middle name?

    yes

    no

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

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    @Chelle-Lee:  I agree, I don’t see taking your husbands name as becoming his ‘property’ at all. I think that’s a bit of an extreme interpretation.. Women who take their husbands name shouldn’t be percieved as having given in to being the lesser person. That said, I also have no issue with women wanting to keep their maiden name, I just don’t think there should be judgement either way. I will absolutely take my FI’s surname but will use my maiden name as a middle name.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    Keep your middle name. I am in the process of changing my last name to my husbands. Need to do all the paperwork. I dropped my maiden name. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

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    @cologirl:  That’s totally fine! I agree you shouldn’t be judged, the point of my comment was that women should be free to do whatever they want with their names without judgement, I don’t think it says anything about you whether you take your husbands name, keep your name or hyphenate, it’s such a personal decision (and seriously, it’s not affecting anyone so why should they care!).

    In terms of your middle name which, like you say is the point of the post, I say if you like it, keep it, even if it means you’ll have a long name! you don’t have to use it all the time anyway, I hardly ever use mine 🙂

    Post # 36
    Member
    3657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

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    @ssan129:  you said

    Good points! I worked in the pharmacy and it wasn’t so much filing people’s medications away, it’s more the patient never knew which last name it’s under.

    oh good god, yes! Another problem.
     
    Really do make it clear when you are completing forms  and hopefully there is a box for surname. If giving your name verbally say “this is my surname”  and say it.
     
    When I am working with the public I sometimes ask “what is your surname?” and dear god, they do not know. oy vey. The person responds “My name is Sarah Smith JOnes” and again I ask, and that person hasn’t considered the concept. That person  only knows how to say “My name is Sarah Smith Jones” so I still don’t know, is her surname Smith Jones or is it Jones?
     
    There is a female in my profession who writes in the journals, and whose name drive me ballistic. Almost all pieces are compound words. It’s something like this (not her exact name:)
     
    GraceAnne  Rosa  DeCampisi
     
    until she married and then she became
     
    GraceAnne Rosa DeAndressi Le Monte
     
    and I have to wonder–why? Just–why????!!!!!! WHY DO YOU THINK YOU DESERVE SO MANY SYLLABLES!!!!
     
    hahaha

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    @crayfish:  “If you drop your middle name, there are a lot of official forms that you will have to write “none” on, because they require you to put something – so it may as well be your middle name. My mom dropped her middle name when she got married and has had to deal with that for a long time.”

    I’m really surprised to hear someone say this, as it has not been my experience at all.

    I have never had a middle name and neither has anyone in my extended family. We’ve filled out plenty of official forms for all sorts of things and this has never been a problem for anyone in my family or other people I know who do not have middle names (surprisingly, a lot of my friends don’t have middle names either). We just don’t fill out the middle name part. No dash, no “none”, absolutely nothing. It has not been an issue, even though we’ve moved around a lot and had to fill out more government/official forms than most people can imagine.

    View original reply
    @cologirl:  Your mileage may vary, but from my personal experience and the experiences of the people I know, I would not worry about this issue if you do decide to drop your middle name.

    Post # 38
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    @lolot:  That is what I want to do. Do you mind if I ask you where you got married? I’m not sure if it is an option, I will be getting married in North Carolina. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    9124 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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    @nellybee:  I got married in Wyoming.  Honestly I didn’t really look the legality of the name change much…  I remember reading somewhere that you can have two last names or two middle names, and the space is just part of your name, equivalent to a hyphen.  So I just filled out my social security info and sent it off, and it got processed just fine.  Same with my driver’s license.  So I’m going to assume it’s cool?  Lol.

    Post # 40
    Member
    441 posts
    Helper bee

    Hmmm. Any advice for a second marriage? when I was married I dropped my middle (which I regret) and became Mrs First Maiden Hislast. I’m remarrying next year and I need all 4 names. I want my maiden name, I need first husbands name because my two beautiful baby boys (ok, one is taller than me) have it and of course STBFi would have a duck if I didn’t take his name. Which is fine I very very much want to. But I can’t hyphenate my first and second husbands names together. Yuk! So I’d have 4 separate names. Can you do that?  Plus the last 2 last names are weird and long. I’d just go by Mrs First 2ndhislast name. Or at school functions Mrs First Childrenslastname Hislastname. 

    Gees. Confusing. I really just want to use real names here. Does anyone know if there is a maximum number of characters or separate names you can have on a US drivers license or passport?

    Post # 41
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

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    @FauxPas2012:  AHAHAHAHAHH! You are so funny! I would not want such a long name with sp many syllableS. But with that said I hypenated my dogs last name (bc we got a dog together and we weren’t engaged yet) and they file him under my husband’s last name, and when I call Petsmart or something to make a grooming, pet stay, or etc it’s “what’s your last name?” and I’ll say “you want my last name or my dog’s” and they would tell me “uh it’s the same thing”. Lol. People are so funny

    Post # 42
    Member
    3657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @cologirl:  A middle name is important for your mom to yell when she’s mad at you.

    Nothing like “Britany Blair!” to get your attention and know a lecture is coming. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    For a while I considered not changing my name at all. My given middle name is one that is very important to my mom, and the idea of dropping my maiden name was upset because of how close I am with my dad. After some careful consideration, I’ve decided to Hilary Rodham Clinton my name and give my daughter, should I have one someday, the middle name that I was given (FI liked the idea, too). I don’t see myself as becoming my fiance’s property or losing my identity in my choice- I like that my name will reflect the family that I am coming from and the family that my fiance and I will create together. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    3657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

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    @cologirl:  my nephew and his bride abandoned their surnames and created a new one using part of his and part of her old names:

    John Hightower and Susan Sontag became John and Susan Hightag.

     

    Post # 45
    Member
    10357 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

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    @MissMarple:  It’s something that my mom has compained about quite often throughout my life, and something she warned me about when getting married. She has spent most of her life in TX – maybe there are state specific forms that she referred to? I haven’t heard her complain about it since she moved to CA.

    Post # 46
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    @crayfish:  I definitely believe it, but that is just so bizarre to me! I’ve moved around the Northeast and Midwest quite prolifically, and at least in the areas I’ve lived I know it’s not a problem.

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