Post # 32
I agree, I don’t see taking your husbands name as becoming his ‘property’ at all. I think that’s a bit of an extreme interpretation.. Women who take their husbands name shouldn’t be percieved as having given in to being the lesser person. That said, I also have no issue with women wanting to keep their maiden name, I just don’t think there should be judgement either way. I will absolutely take my FI’s surname but will use my maiden name as a middle name.
Post # 33
Keep your middle name. I am in the process of changing my last name to my husbands. Need to do all the paperwork. I dropped my maiden name.
Post # 34
I think it’s totally fine for women to take their husbands’ names if they choose, which is why I said this:
“Sorry if my reply came across as insulting to women who take their husbands’ names. I think that every woman should do what she thinks is best, and I definitely wouldn’t think any less of someone for choosing to take her husband’s name.”
I admit that I responded harshly to the first comment. I was annoyed, since my initial post said:
“After much discussion and debate, my fiance and I have decided to both hyphenate our last names.”
I made it pretty clear that, not only had I already decided to hyphenate my name, but I spent a lot of time coming to that decision. So, I found it a little bit irritating that someone had to immediately jump in and say that she thought I shouldn’t hyphenate, when that was clearly not the question. That felt like being judged for my choices.
Post # 35
That’s totally fine! I agree you shouldn’t be judged, the point of my comment was that women should be free to do whatever they want with their names without judgement, I don’t think it says anything about you whether you take your husbands name, keep your name or hyphenate, it’s such a personal decision (and seriously, it’s not affecting anyone so why should they care!).
In terms of your middle name which, like you say is the point of the post, I say if you like it, keep it, even if it means you’ll have a long name! you don’t have to use it all the time anyway, I hardly ever use mine 🙂
Post # 36
Good points! I worked in the pharmacy and it wasn’t so much filing people’s medications away, it’s more the patient never knew which last name it’s under.
oh good god, yes! Another problem.
Really do make it clear when you are completing forms and hopefully there is a box for surname. If giving your name verbally say “this is my surname” and say it.
When I am working with the public I sometimes ask “what is your surname?” and dear god, they do not know. oy vey. The person responds “My name is Sarah Smith JOnes” and again I ask, and that person hasn’t considered the concept. That person only knows how to say “My name is Sarah Smith Jones” so I still don’t know, is her surname Smith Jones or is it Jones?
There is a female in my profession who writes in the journals, and whose name drive me ballistic. Almost all pieces are compound words. It’s something like this (not her exact name:)
GraceAnne Rosa DeCampisi
until she married and then she became
GraceAnne Rosa DeAndressi Le Monte
and I have to wonder–why? Just–why????!!!!!! WHY DO YOU THINK YOU DESERVE SO MANY SYLLABLES!!!!
Post # 37
@crayfish: “If you drop your middle name, there are a lot of official forms that you will have to write “none” on, because they require you to put something – so it may as well be your middle name. My mom dropped her middle name when she got married and has had to deal with that for a long time.”
I’m really surprised to hear someone say this, as it has not been my experience at all.
I have never had a middle name and neither has anyone in my extended family. We’ve filled out plenty of official forms for all sorts of things and this has never been a problem for anyone in my family or other people I know who do not have middle names (surprisingly, a lot of my friends don’t have middle names either). We just don’t fill out the middle name part. No dash, no “none”, absolutely nothing. It has not been an issue, even though we’ve moved around a lot and had to fill out more government/official forms than most people can imagine.
Your mileage may vary, but from my personal experience and the experiences of the people I know, I would not worry about this issue if you do decide to drop your middle name.
Post # 38
That is what I want to do. Do you mind if I ask you where you got married? I’m not sure if it is an option, I will be getting married in North Carolina.
Post # 39
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I got married in Wyoming. Honestly I didn’t really look the legality of the name change much… I remember reading somewhere that you can have two last names or two middle names, and the space is just part of your name, equivalent to a hyphen. So I just filled out my social security info and sent it off, and it got processed just fine. Same with my driver’s license. So I’m going to assume it’s cool? Lol.
Post # 40
Hmmm. Any advice for a second marriage? when I was married I dropped my middle (which I regret) and became Mrs First Maiden Hislast. I’m remarrying next year and I need all 4 names. I want my maiden name, I need first husbands name because my two beautiful baby boys (ok, one is taller than me) have it and of course STBFi would have a duck if I didn’t take his name. Which is fine I very very much want to. But I can’t hyphenate my first and second husbands names together. Yuk! So I’d have 4 separate names. Can you do that? Plus the last 2 last names are weird and long. I’d just go by Mrs First 2ndhislast name. Or at school functions Mrs First Childrenslastname Hislastname.
Gees. Confusing. I really just want to use real names here. Does anyone know if there is a maximum number of characters or separate names you can have on a US drivers license or passport?
Post # 41
AHAHAHAHAHH! You are so funny! I would not want such a long name with sp many syllableS. But with that said I hypenated my dogs last name (bc we got a dog together and we weren’t engaged yet) and they file him under my husband’s last name, and when I call Petsmart or something to make a grooming, pet stay, or etc it’s “what’s your last name?” and I’ll say “you want my last name or my dog’s” and they would tell me “uh it’s the same thing”. Lol. People are so funny
Post # 42
@cologirl: A middle name is important for your mom to yell when she’s mad at you.
Nothing like “Britany Blair!” to get your attention and know a lecture is coming.
Post # 43
For a while I considered not changing my name at all. My given middle name is one that is very important to my mom, and the idea of dropping my maiden name was upset because of how close I am with my dad. After some careful consideration, I’ve decided to Hilary Rodham Clinton my name and give my daughter, should I have one someday, the middle name that I was given (FI liked the idea, too). I don’t see myself as becoming my fiance’s property or losing my identity in my choice- I like that my name will reflect the family that I am coming from and the family that my fiance and I will create together.
Post # 44
my nephew and his bride abandoned their surnames and created a new one using part of his and part of her old names:
John Hightower and Susan Sontag became John and Susan Hightag.
Post # 45
It’s something that my mom has compained about quite often throughout my life, and something she warned me about when getting married. She has spent most of her life in TX – maybe there are state specific forms that she referred to? I haven’t heard her complain about it since she moved to CA.
Post # 46
I definitely believe it, but that is just so bizarre to me! I’ve moved around the Northeast and Midwest quite prolifically, and at least in the areas I’ve lived I know it’s not a problem.