(Closed) Hypothetical Baby vs. Wedding Thunder Stealing

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Um, I’m at a loss at to why you feel they should have checked with you before announcing their engagement?  Or that you feel entitled to feel slighted because they dared to schedule their wedding without planning it around a pregnancy that hasn’t happened yet?  They haven’t treated you badly at all and you would indeed look petty to complain about their plans because you’re making their lives and choices all about YOU when they’re not.  You can “compete” with them if you like but I think you’ll only succeed in making yourself look foolish.  Make your plans and let them make theirs.  So what if they come at the same time?  That takes nothing away from you unless you let it. 

Post # 4
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Weddings and babies are really separate events. They don’t expect you to wait until they’re married to have a child, I’m sure, and if they do, nuts to them. Just attend the wedding and don’t plan your life around it.

Post # 6
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

sorry, but i think you’re definitely overreacting. it sounds like there may be some jealousy that they got engaged before you. nothing happened to your plans; these are two very separate events. continue with your own life and be happy for them.

Post # 7
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would guess that you’re upset more by the sad and unexpected life event that’s causing you guys to delay your wedding and baby plans than by whatever your BF’s friends are doing. I think their engagement just triggered something for you–seeing them happily planning what you want to be planning. If that’s indeed how you’re feeling, then I completely understand and feel for you. I think your anger at the couple is misplaced–they haven’t deliberately done anything to hurt you–but I think you realize that. It’s natural to want to direct your feelings at someone, and they’re an easy target. I would just try to realize that they’re not in the wrong, try to be happy for them, and go on with your own plans, however they unfold. 

Post # 8
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You should all be happy for one another, since you all have good news. Nobody gets dibs on sharing their good news first, and there is no way one happy event can take away from another.

As for their wedding in Europe, well, I suppose many of their potential guests will have to forgo attending, so don’t take that personally.

Post # 9
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Pick up your plans and move forward with life. There’s never too much joy in a family and you don’t have to take turns.

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@aprilinparis: Hi and welcome to the bee!

So, just a few questions. I saw that your wedding date is in February of 2011. Has that been announced to your families? And totally get why you’re trying before you’re married. But one thing I’ve learned is not to put my life on hold for someone else. It might be possible that they did this for all the reasons you said above, but it’s also quite possible that they decided not to put their life on hold to plan around your news.

Engagements and weddings and babies are happening every day. I say continue on with  your plans and if you can be there for them, great! If they can be there for you, great! But don’t sweat it too much if you can’t be there for each others’ events.

Post # 11
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Keep moving forward with your plans and life and if you do get pregnant and can’t attend the wedding, then deal with it when the time comes. There’s no reason to be upset, you just need to do whatever is right for you, your Boyfriend or Best Friend, and your future together, all unrelated to their engagement.

Post # 13
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@aprilinparis: “I think I’m going to take everyone’s advice and just keep moving forward with my plans and not worry about what they’re doing.”

I think that would be the best thing for you too. Engaging in the drama is just going to upset and stress you out more. There’s no point in getting dragged into it.

Remember: Living well is the best revenge.

Post # 14
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@aprilinparis: “I think I’m going to take everyone’s advice and just keep moving forward with my plans and not worry about what they’re doing.”

 

Good job, I agree its just best for you to move forward with your plans.  If you end up pregnant or engaged during their engagement/wedding then there isn’t much they can do.  Hopefully they would offer the same courtesy of not making a big deal. 

Post # 15
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree you’re probably just sad about the events that led you to have to delay your wedding and baby making.  Is that February date on your profile old or is that when you’re getting married? 

I say go ahead with your plans and cross whatever bridges you encounter when you encounter them.  If you keep living your life on other people’s schedules, you’re going to eventually start living with regret and no one wants that. 

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