(Closed) Hypothetical Question: would you "surprise" your family with twins?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret.  I’m pretty sure my parents, my Mother-In-Law, Father-In-Law or SILs would notice 2 of everything in our house.  We live within walking distance of Father-In-Law so I doubt we’d be able to hide 2 cribs/2 carseats etc…lol

Post # 17
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’d definitely tell them! 

A few years ago a lady I knew at work revealed she was pregnant with twins and a coworker asked her if it was because she’d had fertility treatment (this lady had never once discussed TTC with the rest of us). So rude!! (Not because there’s anything wrong with fertility treatment obviously, just because it’s such an incredibly personal thing to ask someone.)

Ever since since then I’ve always wondered whether people would ask me that if I were ever pregnant with twins. It’s just interesting how people think and make assumptions. I don’t know if this coworker was just a very rude anomaly or if a lot of people react like that. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by  penny29.
Post # 18
Member
6412 posts
Bee Keeper

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Ilovetruffels:  When I was a pregnant, we kept it secret from public announcement until I was about 5 months along, but my mom knew right off the bat.  So I don’t think I could hide it from some family, or friends.  Family I don’t see often, sure I definitely could, but others no, I would feel like I was lying to them every time I saw them.

Post # 19
Member
3031 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I think it’d be too hard of a secret to keep. You’d need 2 of lots of the major things (cribs, car seats, stroller, double stroller…etc) and those are the things families love to gift! Even if you got those things yourself, you’d still have to hide them…. plus the extra doctor visits and your size… and you’d never be able to show anyone a sonogram without photoshopping it… 

Post # 20
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Probably would be hard to keep a secret when you’re buying 2 cribs and 2 car seats, etc.  If your parents come over…aren’t they going to wonder why you have 2 cribs?  Plus I would think you would want to double up on registry items.

Plus, have you SEEN anyone pregnant with twins?  It’s fairly obvious by the last trimester. 

So it sounds like more trouble than it’s worth to me.  Keep the gender(s) a secret if you want a surprise!

My mom had twins, but they did actually find out around 20w along.

Post # 21
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

I’m actually a triplet, but my mom didn’t have an ultrasound with us. The doctor told her that he thought it was twins after hearing the heartbeats. The three of us were quite a surprise. However, having multiples puts you at a much higher risk pregnancy than a single baby. We came over a month early and my sister and I weighed about 2 lbs, while my brother was smaller and sick and only lived 8 weeks. Not all baby surprises are happy 🙁

Post # 22
Member
2514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My grandmother didn’t even know she was having twins.  She surprised everyone! She also went full term for a singleton and had 2 6.5 lb babies naturally. Apparently she was big.  But it was her first pregnancy and didn’t know what to expect (and she carried small when she did have only one baby later.  She was a tall woman.) 

The doctors xrayed her the night before she delivered (this was the early 50s) to see how many babies or if it was one big baby. They knew that night it was two but didn’t tell her until baby a (my aunt) was born.   The story goes that my Nana tried to punch the nurse when she told her she had to push out baby b (my mum). 

I do not want that kind of surprise! I talked to her often about her twins (fraternal).  

Post # 23
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I definitely wouldn’t consider it.  Even if you were super good at keeping the secret, that means at baby showers you would only get 1 of everything and miss out on all the cute twin baby shower gifts.  Plus, twins are a high risk pregnancy, and those close should know about it to be able to look out for you.  

Post # 24
Member
389 posts
Helper bee

I’m a fraternal twin, so there’s definitely a possibility that I could become pregnant with multiples (my mom’s pregnancy also began as triplets).  Not only would your pregnant belly be larger carrying around twins, but it is much more common for women pregnant with multiples to go into labor before reaching full term.  Additionally, because having more than one infant to care for at the same time is that much more overwhelming, it would only be to your benefit to inform your family of the number of babies you were expecting so that they could hopefully help you with feedings, etc. once they are home.  And as molokoa pointed out, the higher risk of a multiple pregnancy isn’t just to the health of the mother, but sometimes to the health of the babies.  After my premature birth, I spent almost 3 months in the NICU.  If you were actually to become pregnant with multiples, being able to better prepare yourself and your family for the possible medical complications and the accompanying emotions I think outweighs the fun of a “suprise.”

Post # 25
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m basically summarizing what has been said already, but no I wouldn’t.

1.  Registry- especially if having twins, I’d want to provide those who want to give a gift to be able to gift the things we would absolutely need 2 of

2.  Visitors at the house would see 2 of everything and I wouldn’t be all “no you can’t see the nursery!”

3.  Size might give it away. So would hiding the ultrasound pic

4.  I am a terrible liar, and hate keeping the secret of pregnancy already.  It only took a couple really good questions for one of my best friends to get it out of me yesterday (at 6 weeks)

5. I would find it absolutely EXHAUSTING to always reference the pregnancy as a singleton knowing that there were actually two in there.  This piggybacks off of being a terrible liar

6. In general I find all the secret keeping in pregnancy annoying. I understand why people keep the gender a secret, or the names, or the pregnancy for longer than necessary, but I still am not a fan.  I think it’s the whole “I know something you don’t know”  thing. 

Post # 26
Member
9002 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Andthepupmakes3:  “In general I find all the secret keeping in pregnancy annoying.

Yeah, this. 1000X this.

Post # 27
Member
4500 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would definitely not hide that. You’d just be missing out on any potential perks!! If people are going to be extra sympathetic to you, or more inclined to try to help you guys prepare, I would not want to miss out on that. Also, mothers of twins gain more weight–I wouldn’t want people (secretly or not) being like, dang, she’s gaining a ton of weight w/I knowing the reason. 

I think it SOUNDS fun, but in reality I think most women would want that news out there. 

Post # 28
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 

Ilovetruffels:  it’s cute in theory lol…but like a lot of pther posters said it would be hard to keep a secret until the end since you’d need 2 of everything. Unless you live completely out of the way of family and friends someone would probably see all the duplicate stuff in your house at some point. For us we’re not having a shower because people have just been giving us gifts throughout the pregnancy but as an example we thought/were prepared to have to buy everything ourselves but my parents bought our crib and IL’s are going to be buying the stroller etc etc….so ….with twins you need a double stroller so that would be pretty obvious when we went shopping (even if we picked it up ourselves Mother-In-Law would want to see that thing asap).

Post # 29
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

No way. Besides, you’d likely be so huge that people would be asking you if you were having twins all the time, and would you really want to lie about it? My younger brothers are twins and my mom was practically as big around as she is tall (and she’s like 5’9″!).

Post # 30
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Ilovetruffels:  It’s a cute idea in theory, especially for me since I am a fraternal twin and therefore have a genetic predisposition for conceiving twins. However, I don’t think it would be practical and I don’t think I would want to keep it from people in reality.

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