(Closed) I absolutely despise someone on my guest list, and I don’t even know her.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

10 years is a long time to not talk to someone and assume you will be invited to the wedding. 

I know it’s a different/difficult situation but I agree with you honestly.

I don’t know how to handle it.

Post # 4
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

My question is, why does he think this is normal? Does he? I would be pretty concerned… that’s a big jump to make, from not talking to “son” all of a sudden. I feel for the parents, but I agree with you. It’s weird and a little insulting (about the daughter being single)

Post # 5
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Wow, that’s a lot of rage-bait right there, I can see why you’re so angry! I think you know the answer to your question, though, of course you can’t just “forget” to invite them. Talk, talk, talk to your Fiance about what upsets you so much about this. My advice is that inviting them probably will do less harm than you think; it takes a lot for someone to actually bother your happiness on your glorious wedding day. As my mom says whenever we’re debating over adding someone to the guest list, “Think of it as another gift.” 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would do the appropriate smile.. thank them for coming, and avoid them for most the night. Get FH Introduce them to about 3 others that you think they might know and let them be. You will be really busy socialising with other guests. So leave it to the FH.

I have a few of those people on our invite list, that I thought OMG why are they coming! but I will have to accept it graciously and try not to seethe on the inside!

Post # 7
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Oh my Dear Miss VirginaMarie….

I am sorry that you two are at odds about this.  I think that if it was not the parents of his childhood friend who died, but rather some odd person that is a slight acquaintance, then I would say don’t invite them.  But since he was such good friends with their family when he was younger, and their son died, I should think that the parents would be excited to see their sons friend getting married, and how it would remind them of him.

 

As far as the daughter goes… well, your Fiance loves you, you are a wonderful woman for him, you take care of him and cook for him and treat him like a king…  I would NOT worry about him falling for some older single girl, and rather think of it as their family simply looks highly upon your Fiance and treat it as a compliment.  But, at the same time I understand the irritation.  Maybe your Fiance should say more clearly to the mother that he is not available to go snowboarding, seeing that he doesn’t feel comfortable hanging out with other girls one on one, as a sign of faithfulness to you.

As far as the mom calling herself “mom”  maybe she is just thinking about her son.  How tragic to have a son die at age 15.  🙁  

 

I don’t know though… do you have more thoughts on it? 

Post # 9
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

That is totally understandable that he doesn’t think it is normal, and it is rather rude of her to presume that she can call herself that… but it does sound like a grieving process.  And I bet he does have a great mom.

 

Post # 11
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

oh good that you are not in disagreement about it.  Just think that you are happy that people are excited for you!!!   😀  

I would be disgusted too… Get your matchmakin’ thoughts away woman!  He’s takin’!

Glad that she didn’t send some email that was depressing about her son dieing and how he would be in a position like you and blah blah blah.  

I think you are doing great!

Post # 12
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, if he’s insisting, I guess you have to. I’m glad he sees the problem though–that means he is thinking about how un-normal it is.

I see your wedding is in July. It’s entirely possible that before then, he’s going to start feeling really uncomfortable with her calling him that… and may need to have a chat with her. I think this isn’t over yet, and that perhaps time will change things.

Post # 14
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you don’t mind me asking, why is your FH adamant that they be invited? I agree with all the other Bees that this woman sounds like she’s still going through a grieving process but what worries me about all this is that she might be trying to experience her son’s wedding through your FH (as they were childhood friends and she keeps calling him “son”). It just brings up a red flag to me. 

Post # 15
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I was thinking the exact same thing as littlemissmoo before I even read her comment. Not talking for 10 years then calling him “son?” That is creepy and kind of sad. I don’t even know what to think of the comment about their daughter! It doesn’t even make sense. I hope that your Fiance comes around to your side and you can beg off the invite. I see others have suggested just let it be, let them come, say hello, and ignore them, but if she really is trying to live out mother of the groom fantasies, I’d be worried that she would make such a strategy impossible — I could see her turning into that guest who wants the attention, hovers, tries to be in all the pictures, make an improptu toast (that will undoubtedly feature some misty eyes and a reference or two to her own deceased son), etc. I feel bad for this woman more than anything, but I don’t think I’d want her at my wedding, either. Good luck.

Post # 16
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

OOo i think that’s so strange! Maybe she’s subtly trying to get your Fiance to hook her up with one of his friends? But worded is very very poorly??? Asking for an invite is very rude and presumptuous. But, maybe she feels like she’s doing it for her son…like she should be there b/c her son died and this was his childhood friend? Calling him “son” is kinda weird though. Is it possible she sent the message around the time of year her son died? That could make her more sentimental/less logical.

And yeah, why does your Fiance care if they get invited? They haven’t talked in like, 10 years?? All a little strange

And doesn’t she know invites for a July wedding wouldn’t be out mid-February?!

The topic ‘I absolutely despise someone on my guest list, and I don’t even know her.’ is closed to new replies.

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