Post # 1
And thought I would share it.
I put it in the LGBTQ board because it is about a two-bride wedding, but I totally related, despite my breeder wedding.
I’ve read plenty of articles by and for “indie” or “alternative” brides, and I’ve had a hard time relating. My life and my relationship is in many ways rather radical, but my tastes run more towards Martha Stewart than tattoos and goth. I’m currently wearing a Brooks Brothers argyle sweater, Ann Taylor trousers, and a darling pair of low-heeled sling back brown pumps. You get the picture.
But I share the author’s ambivalence about what the heck exactly am I doing having a wedding. I hate the patriarchy, but I love pearls.
If this makes sense to anyone, you’re going to love this article.
Post # 3
Thank you for sharing that. I don’t really go for pearls and prettiness, but I love parties and I love the person I am marrying, even as I’m shocked with myself (and midlly appalled even, sometimes) for falling into a traditional model of a relationship.
Post # 4
I think in many ways I was more ambivalent about my first wedding, to a groom, than about my second one, to a bride. Not that I was ambivalent about the groom himself–the end of the marriage two decades later was not something I foresaw at the time. But I, who had never liked the patriarchy, suddenly found myself being pushed into this mold in which I was supposed to care about every detail, while he was an accessory barely more important than the bouquet. I dealt with that by pretty much opting out of the planning. I bought a dress, and agreed on the rabbi and synagogue. But my mother-in-law did most of the planning, which was just fine by me. (Given the fact that I was working full-time, and also going to law school 3/4 time, her willingness to step in was a life-saver!)
This time around, there were no obvious roles. We found a wonderful bridal consultant who picked out complementary but not matching dresses and veils for us. We walked down the aisle together, holding hands. Only one person questioned our decision not to change our names, and that person thought (for reasons mysterious to us) that NotFroofy should be the one to change her name. And I actually threw myself into wedding planning much more this time, since I felt like it was a joint effort with my partner, not something I, as a woman, was expected to do FOR my partner.