(Closed) I already know proposal date. Do you? Or did you?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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anonp :  *hugs* Stay strong, bee! This is a tough situation, and the final decision on what you want to do is up to you. But we’re here for you no matter what 🙂

Post # 62
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I knew to the minute. He proposed on Easter weekend, and I knew for weeks in advance that we were going away that weekend but he wouldn’t tell me any of the details. I was almost 100% sure that he would propose that weekend – he went on and on about it so much that I knew he would have known he was building me up heaps! 

Then I accidentally came across information that confirmed he had been having appointments at a jeweller…

So on that weekend away, I was on pocket alert the entire time. Every time he left me I couldn’t help looking at his pocket when he came back. So there was really no surprise – I saw the ring box in his pocket when he came back up to meet me on the deck of the yacht he had hired. When he asked I just smiled and let him talk and said ‘of course’ 🙂 

I have no regrets at all about knowing and I don’t think it detracted from the experience at all. Actually I was glad to expect it as I made sure I was extra sweet to him all weekend. It was really perfect. Most days I try to make him propose and put the ring on my finger again but he’s getting over that haha

Post # 63
Member
2185 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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anonp :  I totally understand. It’s easy to give advice and tell you to leave, stick to your timeline, stop mentioning it, etc., but very difficult when it’s your life. Your guy seems to be an expert at stalling techniques and that is incredibly frustrating. When he says the next trip will be your honeymoon, do you believe him?

Post # 64
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Florida

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anonp :  I’ve been wondering what had happened to you. Thank you for updating us all, and I’m so sorry to hear you boyfriend has not followed through (again) as he said he would. This is definitely a difficult decision. I will echo what the PP said in terms of engaging in other things. Take a cooking class, join a meet up group, a book club, etc and really live your life, regardless of him. Feel free to talk about your future with him but perhaps diving into activities just for you will help you during this difficult time. Hugs. 

Post # 66
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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anonp :  Please don’t be patient. 

Post # 68
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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anonp :  hey lady – I know this feeling. The wait really sucks when you have been together for ages. I was so completely over it by the time I got my proposal, we had had numerous arguments over it, and I was so annoyed and resentful because I felt like the excitement and spontenaeity was taken out of it. Why do they do this to us?! But then he proposed and he said such nice things when he did it and gave me a ring that he worked so hard to get that I got over it all completely in an instant. It is so hard to distract yourself until then though. He’s got the ring, you’re going to get the proposal soon 🙂

Post # 70
Member
2185 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I agree with you that constant arguments and nagging is not a good idea. But it’s also not a good idea to wait forever. Bee, figure out your drop dead deadline and try to stick to it. Otherwise, you wil be caught in an endless cycle of nagging/arguing/reassuring/promising/breaking of promises/nagging, and over and over.  

Post # 71
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I knew it was going to be a special date soon and the only dates coming up were our anniversary or Christmas, so in a way I was pretty sure I knew.  Alas, he came down the day of our anniversary and when he did I was very, very aware that it was going to happen that day.

Post # 73
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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anonp :  Sorry you’re in this position bee, that really sucks. 

A few thoughts…

If his reason really is that he wants the proposal to be a surprise, then why has he given you yet another specific weekend that he is planning it for, just further down the track? It doesn’t make sense. 

I’d be weary of setting the end of September as your deadline, because I suspect that once that gets here you’ll be thinking about the potential October long weekend proposal date (assuming he hasn’t already asked) and talk yourself into extending the deadline, just in case. Then you’ll feel like you’ve handed over the control again. Make sure that if you do pick a deadline, it’s one you know you can commit to.

I know very little about your specific situation, obviously, but from your posts I get the distinct impression that while he is happy in the relationship, he likes it the way it is and isn’t ready for the next stage of committment. There’s actually nothing wrong with that – people have different feelings and motivations and hit that stage at different times. Putting pressure on him over that isn’t really fair on either of you. Actually, I think it would be comparable to him trying to regularly talk you out of marriage – how would that make you feel?

All that said, I think he is absolutely in the wrong for having handled things this way and am completely with you. If he isn’t ready then he should have been clear about that and never led you so far down this proposal-planning track. He’s allowed to feel whatever he wants, but that doesn’t make it okay for him to lead you on. 

I honestly don’t know what I would do in your situation but just wanted to send you some support and let you know I understand your frustration. Wishing you the very best of luck!

Post # 75
Member
1702 posts
Bumble bee

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anonp :  

I’m so sorry! Did you say you have been with him for 9 years?? 

I don’t know…if it has been that long, and he keeps stringing you along, I gotta believe there IS a lot of resentment building up…it may even be turning into less of a “I want to marry this man”, and more of a “I stuck it out this long, I want him to produce a ring” situation…he is kind of cruel about it…I don’t understand what he is waiting for if he KNOWS you want to marry him and he already has the ring…

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