(Closed) “I already think of you as my wife” * long vent*

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think the next time he says that tell him simply “You can think all you want, but its not true until we say our vows.”

Thats a sucky position to be in. 

Post # 4
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well, he only said it to me once, a few months ago, and that was during a very sweet and sentimental conversation we were having, and it made me feel happy ๐Ÿ™‚ of course, if I heard it every day, I would probably get frustrated pretty quickly!

I know it seems like he’s dragging his feet, but it definitely sounds like your guy wants to marry you, so if he’s waiting, it’s probably because he’s planning some awesome surprise, or waiting for just the right moment, you know? Hopefully you won’t have to wait too much longer!

Post # 5
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

***HUGS*** That has to be truly annoying!!!!

My SO always says “Why mess up a good thing?! What does a piece of paper have  to do with anything!  Look at all the people who get married and they end up divorcing.” UGH!  And all I can say is… I just want to be your wife!  I really do feel like a second rate citrizen being his girlfriend, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him!

Guys!  They can be so special sometimes.  

Post # 6
748 posts
Busy bee

@Hbomb84: Agreed. Shortbus special…


@aprose: HUGS and good luck! He seems like a guy that just freaks out and drags his feet when it comes to action, but does plenty of daydreaming… You need to put your foot down in a firm but non-threatening way! Say what @lefeymw suggested, that’s great. Or just find your own phrase. I hope this works out for you! And I’m sorry…

Post # 7
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Stay hopefull, but I’m on board with lefeymw’s suggestion of telling him he should make it official. He has a ring, he should be planning something.

Post # 8
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

@lefeymw: Love it!

@aprose: Stay positive and don’t let him get too comfortable. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with @Coffee cup: you should tell him to make it official. 

He’s got the rings though, he’s probably planning it! I did tell my guy my “expectations” for this whole proposal thing… and his reply was that he was overthinking it. It made him feel better to know that I wasn’t expecting something huge… and that his plans probably already exeed my expectations. 

Maybe that could help speed things up a bit? 

Post # 11
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There was a point when I told Fiance that he couldn’t talk about certain topics until we were engaged because it was painful for me.  He thought talking about the future would make me happy and it did to a certain point.  But, I drew a line with a few topics. 

Little did I know the ring was being made at that point.  He proposed a couple months later. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh!!! I can relate! “I already think of you as my wife” “It’s like we are already married” I could go on and on…especially annoying was that he told everyone at work that I WAS his wife, introduced me that way, referred to me that way…but we were not even engaged! This went on for almost a year, it started when we moved in together out of state from our families and ended when we got engaged this past weekend.

I am sure your man really DOES think of you that way as mine did but it doesn’t help when all you really want is to make it official!!! Hugs, and hoping it is soon!!!

Post # 14
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Wow, you are one patient lady. I run on a short fuse so if that happened to me, I would say “That’s really sweet honey, but I am not your wife and if you don’t ask me soon, I will start to reconsider this relationship”. Why? Because how long does he continue to get “wife perks” while you wait?

Post # 15
44 posts

@aprose:  I totally agree with you and I feel you on so many levels! My SO does the exact same thing and it drives me up the wall! For him we have been “married” for the last year and he doesn’t see the difference in getting married. He’ll talk about children as well and that really get’s me. Especially since we’re both of the mind set that children come after marriage and you shouldn’t have kids until you’re with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s insane when I bring up marriage stuff and he’s like what’s the difference, what’s a ring going to change blah blah blah… I need a good come back!  I like  @lefeymw:

Post # 16
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I never really considered myself “waiting” but about a few months before Fiance proposed we started talking about wedding stuff. This was fine at first, but about a month before he proposed he started talking about it a lot, but then any time I pushed it any further (“are you going to propose?”) he would backtrack and say he wasn’t ready. This really started to take a toll on me. Finally I told him “I am not going to talk to you about this until there is a ring. I can’t do it, it hurts me to get my hopes up and then be let down. I love you and I want to marry you, but I don’t want to hear another word about marriage until you are sure you are ready.” This was really hard for him! He wanted to talk about marrying me so badly. Wouldn’t you know, two weeks later we were engaged. He said he realized the reason he wanted to talk to me about it constantly was because I was his best friend and he needed to talk to his best friend about it because he was so nervous. Once he made that decision though, it was a done deal for him. He says he’s never had a doubt about us since the day he proposed. Hopefully this is your guy too ๐Ÿ™‚ good luck!

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