- 4 years ago
Tonight I feel so upset and angry with myself but mostly my husband.
This past 3 weeks I have taken to the bed with frustration and depression with my marriage.
Basically today is a typical example of what happens. We went out for a while. I accompanied him to a nearby town in which he had a bit of business to complete. He is a pension salesman. I spent an hour browsing in a shop, had a cup of coffee. My husband collected me. We went for a bite to eat and I came home alone because he wanted to finish the evening having a few beers and watching sport at a local bar.
I think I should be happy , it’s nice to be treated to a meal etc., but I feel like a CHILD.
I asked my husband to try and change some of his behavior that is upsetting me. I tried to explain the reasons for my upset and he promised to do better.
I asked him to slow down his drinking. He is a very fast drinker. He would drink a large beer in less than ten minutes. I explained that it was making me anxious. I told him that I was worried about him. I asked him to please make the beer last half an hour.
I also asked that he not leave me home after a night out or a weekend away or even a day away.
Basically I don’t drink so that, I can drive our car home. Often if we are out for a day or an evening together, he’s not content until he goes to meet his buddies for a few beers after.
I hope I am explaining this properly as I am so upset right now. He thinks he’s a great guy that he brings me out. After all so many wives don’t get out as much as me. Right. ? This is his argument to me any way.
At the weekend he tried to stick to the one drink per half hour rule but told me it was ridiculous and not enough for him. He point blank refuses to admit he’s an alcoholic and says he works hard and deserves his time out and his drinks. He needs male company etc., etc.,
On Saturday night after sticking to the new limit we were home early. He was on edge though and told me that at 60 years of age he shouldn’t have to sit in on a Saturday night, that he would be long enough dead.!
Today I spent most of the day in bed as he works from home and our house is basically his “office”
There are computers and cables everywhere. He sits at the kitchen table and his papers and documents are all over the kitchen counter. He says he gets most of his best work done when I am in bed and the house is quiet. He’s an early riser. We have no kids of our own. He was married before and this is his second marriage. I own our home as he came to live with me after we got married 5 years ago. I am going through a very bad menopause and all this stress has made me go back on hurt after being off it for a year.
We don’t have any intimacy. He is asleep the minute he goes to bed usually because he has consumed a lot of alcohol but he’s always been a good sleeper.. I on the other hand am not and I lie awake wishing things could be better, asking myself why I am not happy, blaming this time in my life, telling myself I am expecting too much.
We never have sex. He never wants it. He says his testosterone levels are low. We tried a few months ago at my instigation and he said he had to go to the doctor afterwards because he hurt himself.
I dread, absolutely dread Christmas with him. I feel like a stranger in my own house. I can’t seem to take back control of running our home. Things got so bad he had to take the laundry out to be done last week.
I always was an organized person and loved my home. Now I just don’t care anymore. I asked him to leave, then he said he would change and we would try again. Each time I get my hopes up that he will change this time, but of course now here tonight not two weeks later I am home again on my own after an evening out.
I have lots of friends and am a successful person. I am intelligent and articulate but this man is treating me like I’m just a bothersome child that he has to indulge a little in order to get his own way and live his life the way he wants to.
Tonight I see that today and this evening was all a plan that he orchestrated in order to get out this evening drinking on his own but also keep me ‘happy’
He even told me he set the heating timer to come on for me, which he did. (In other word. Look how caring I am towards you)
God I feel like such a fool. He knows exactly how to play me.
Why can’t I just tell myself that it’s not me being foolish and that he is indeed treating me very badly. He will argue about how nice he was to me today and got me out of the house and bought me dinner, etc., etc.
Please tell me I am wrong or right as I no longer know what I believe. Am I right to feel upset or wanting too much from him. ??