(Closed) I ALWAYS COME HOME ALONE WHEN MY HUSBAND BRINGS ME OUT

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I dont think drinking is the (/only) problem here. You sound absolutely miserable in your marriage. You should not feel the need to micromanage how many minutes it takes for him to drink a beer. That sounds absurd.

Post # 3
Member
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You’re right. This isn’t a marriage. I was shocked when you said he was 60 – your initial description made me think he was early 20s. Kick him out of your home and your life and move on.

Post # 4
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can’t move past this line: 

After all so many wives don’t get out as much as me. Right. ? This is his argument to me any way.

You can get out however much you damn well please, you are an adult woman and he’s mistreating you in more ways I can count. Drop him. 

Post # 5
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

One beer per half hour?! Yeah he is definitely an alcoholic. That’s a problem.

But what’s also a problem is that you seem completely dependent upon him for absolutely everything. If he doesn’t leave the house you don’t get out of bed?? I would be miserable too! Do you have your own car, your own license? Do you have friends you hang out with?

I love my SO and we spend most waking moments together because we are long distance so time together is limited. If we were together 24/7 I would want time away from him too…it’s healthy.

Has it been this way your entire marriage?

Post # 6
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
rosesareblue :  old dogs do not learn new tricks. I think it’s time to put this relationship in the past. Find companionship elsewhere because hanging onto this is making you miserable.

Post # 7
Member
388 posts
Helper bee

Wow. This sounds not fun. It seems like you are very unhappy. You are not crazy. He should want to spend his Saturday nights with you, regardless of where. Of course he should  be able to out with friends  but every night is ridiculous. Yes it sounds like he is playing you/trying to do the bare minimum so he can say “I took you out so I am a good husband”. Thats bullshit. You deserve more and to be with a man who will support you through menopause and life in general. 

Post # 9
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you’re afraid of your husband, you need to get out. You do not deserve to live this way. 

Post # 10
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

this is abuse. isolation and emotional manpulation. not okay ever. If you are afraid to be home, I would stop going home. If you are successful in your own right, buy your own way out. I bet heʻll hardly notice youʻre even gone. You are not a child. You are not a toy he gets to put away when heʻs done playing with you. Tell him you hope he croaks early on your way out the door.

Post # 11
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee

Time to leave, you deserve better.

This isn’t healthy, nor happy. It sounds very toxic and you sound like you’re either entering or already in a deep depression. 

Find someone to talk to, enlist the help of your friends and kick him out of your house. 

Post # 12
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
rosesareblue :  

Honor that fear.  It means something.  Read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker.  Read it while you’re confined to the bedroom.

Post # 13
Member
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You can keep out of his way even better if you are out of the house on your own. Be out of the house seeing a doctor, be out of the house seeing a therapist, be out of the house seeing an attorney, be out of the house at the gym, at a class, at a book club…

This is no way to live. At 60 he is unlikely to change who he is and how he behaves so you will have to change your situation. You can do this. 

Post # 14
Member
6705 posts
Bee Keeper

Get a free consult with a divorce attorney. Secretly of course! You say you own the house but are afraid of him? You need a see what your legal rights are. But I’d start internally planning to leave ASAP. 

Post # 15
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

This man is an alcoholic, and your misery is coming across loud and clear. All that crap about ‘taking you out’ like you’re a child. CHANGE THE LOCKS and file for divorce, you’ll be so much happier when you do.

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